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Why I'm afraid to spend money.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Surgeon, Mar 19, 2005.

  1. Surgeon


    Mar 4, 2003
    North Dakota
    So I've been working a lot of extra shifts this year to pull down some extra green and pay off debt. With the credit card debt finally gone my wife decides that we need new furniture and so we drop a bundle on new couches, a bedroom set and kitchen table. Now in my eyes, this stuff was for her. I like the old couches. I thought our old bed was fine.

    So, I figure, since my wife was able to get the stuff she wants I'm ok to get a few things I'd like. So I order my Schroeder cabinet and get ready to buy my new amp. :D

    Then---my wife finds out and decides that since I was able purchase bass gear she can go buy a boat-load of clothes and now she's talking about new carpet and getting the whole interior of the house painted. :help:

    If I spend $1 on me there will be at least $5 going her way. (And apparently the couches and bedroom set were for "us")That's why I'm scared to spend money.

    Anyone else find that you're scared to spend because it will open the floodgates for your significant other?
  2. jade


    Mar 8, 2002
    You better have a talk with your wife and start budgeting or something. Maybe your wife is enjoying being free of debt a little too much. If it's not broken, why replace it? It sounds like you can easily go back into debt again.
  3. 'JC'


    Mar 14, 2000
    tell her to go read "The Millionare Next Door".

    I just like the fact that in a nutshell it states, the most sucessful people have spouses who are just as financially wise as themselves.
  4. LiquidMidnight


    Dec 25, 2000
    It's kind of funny: As a child I would look around my neighborhood and see big houses and new vehicles. I always thought that my neighbors made a lot more money than my parents. As I got older I realized that they really didn't make all that much more; they were just deeper in debt.

    JC is definatley correct. Look at anyone who has wealth: Yeah, they obtained that wealth by smart investing, working hard, making the right deals, etc. But they wouldn't have that wealth if they couldn't be fiscally responsible in the first place. The truth is that many people are so in hawk up to their eyeballs that they will never see out. Why? Because they have to buy a brand new vehicle when one that is two years old with a few more miles is significantly cheaper. Take buying a home: why get a mortgage when you can hold off for a few years, invest in some good blue chip stocks, and then pay in cash? Sometimes you have to take a loan out; it happens. But there are so many other options for people to get want they want if they first lose the "I want it now!" mind set.

    Right now I'm going to a relatively inexpensive college (as far as four year schools go). I'm doing this so I can defer as much debt as possible until graduate school (I actually cancelled my Stafford Loan this year; hopefully I can do the same next year also).

    Man, I feel like Anthony Robbins or something. :D
  5. Brendan

    Brendan Supporting Member

    Jun 18, 2000
    Austin, TX
    I by and large blame credit cards. Not the companies, or the principal, but the physicality (sp?) of them. You don't see the $12,342.40 you racked up last year in debt. It's just numbers on a screen, or on paper.

    The mentality is that of "imaginary" money. You full well know that TV costs $2000, but you don't have to lay out $2000 in cash, or even a check. Writing the words "Two thousand dollars" and signing your name isn't the same as just swipinig a card and signing the reciept.

    The reality of money eludes people these days. My family is one of the most fiscally responsible group of people I've known. We're just good with money, because we're allergic to debt.

    Stellar credit ratings, but what's the point of being approved for a car loan if it just throws you into a hole?
  6. Surgeon


    Mar 4, 2003
    North Dakota
    To clarify, the credit card debt is gone. I have a written budget for my salary that we do a fair job of adhering to. But the extra money from my extra shifts comes in a different check and I used it exclusively on debt early on in the year.

    And while I haven't had to incur new debt for the furniture (and was in some ways glad to get it for my wife) I just hate that if I then want to get myself a little something as a reward for the hard work it is seen as a justification for even more spending.

    In the past I've avoided buying anything so that I had the sure moral footing to say "NO" to potential purchases. But shouldn't I be able to enjoy a little of the fruits of my labors?

    I agree with the comments on fiscal responsibility and thank everyone for their comments. Just wondering how do I find that happy medium where we can both get a few things we enjoy, not go overboard, and have enough left to fill up the savings account and Roth IRA?
  7. Surgeon


    Mar 4, 2003
    North Dakota
  8. nonsqtr

    nonsqtr The emperor has no clothes!

    Aug 29, 2003
    Burbank CA USA
    Yep. I'm constantly being pressured to thin out my herd of gear. Non-bass-players don't understand the gear thing. My wife thinks more in terms of amenities and clothing and that kind of thing, too. However, we don't have any joint accounts. :D That way, things work out a lot better. First of all, she makes just as much money as I do, and secondly, when it comes to things for the house, it forces us to have the discussion and conversation "up front", which is definitely a good thing. If she wants to go spend money on something, without talking to me first, the only way she can do it is to pull the money out of her own account. And, same for me, if I want to go waste some bucks on more gear, it's coming out of my personal account. That makes the "house" discussion really easy, either we have the money or we don't. Neither one of us believes in credit card debt, unless there's a compelling reason to go out on a limb (which there usually isn't). We both use our cards only for record-keeping purposes, not to generate debt. Unless it's an emergency, like a medical thing or something. And even then, we'll explore other avenues first. :)
  9. Surgeon


    Mar 4, 2003
    North Dakota
    Thanks for the advice guys. The idea of establishing savings/retirement goals and then rewarding oneself when they are attained sounds like a good idea.

    And as for that communication thing... :confused: ... maybe I'll have to break down and try it. :D
  10. jazzbo


    Aug 25, 2000
    San Francisco, CA
    Personally, I don't understand the gear thing.
  11. Figjam


    Aug 5, 2003
    Boston, MA
    I find im good at keeping my gear resonable. Anything i dont use, i sell.
  12. Surgeon


    Mar 4, 2003
    North Dakota
    I'm not a big gear collector either (not necessarily because I don't want to be.) But after 2 years of playing through my 30Watt Ibanez practice amp, plugging into the PA at our gigs and never being able to hear myself that well--I thought an amp/cab wasn't too much to ask for.

    I'm guessing that my ONE bass, ONE amp, ONE cab are about as frugal as you'll find around these parts. (I did splurge and get myself 5 strings however. ;) )
  13. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    Me too. I have one cab, one amp, and one bass. I don't need anything else. I have other hobbies I spend money on, so extra bass gear lying around would just mean I had less money for golf or whatever else I wanted to do.

    As far as the money issues....people do not get rich by spending money. It took a level headed girlfriend, now wife, to help me understand that. If you two can not communicate effectively about money....this problem will never go away. I avoided the subject like the plague with my wife for the first couple years we were married. I was always buying "cool stuff", and I was always living from paycheck to paycheck. In my head, I thought I was rich since I had all kinds of "cool stuff". When I started listening to my wife, and talking with her, things got better.

  14. I think you really need to make it clear that furniture etc. should not be considered spending that is for both of you. If you couldn't care less, then tell her that its for her, not both of you. If you guys are entering fights over spending so that one doesn't want to feel that they're missing out on buying stuff they want, then you need to be a lot clearer on what is yours, hers and both of yours. That way you can both get what you want without the misunderstandings and overspending.

  15. karrot-x

    karrot-x Inactive

    Feb 21, 2004
    Omicron Persei 8
    One of the ways that I think might work is to not tell her *NO* but....not right now. When you want a piece of gear it took time, so she's gonna have to take time. I've been waiting since september for my new 5 string and it's slowly becoming a reality. Have her see how much money everything she wants is going to cost, then budget it with something you or maybe your kids? might want. See how long it would take you to recover from the purchase and then see how long she'll have to wait before she gets every piece. Heh...I just realised I'm not gonna get my Mesa cabs anytime soon :(. Freaking GAS.

  16. Beat me to it.
  17. brianrost

    brianrost Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 26, 2000
    Boston, Taxachusetts
    My wide is into riding horses. She just bought a $3000 saddle and a $27K pickup truck, so I've got the green light for more gear this year :D
  18. Surgeon


    Mar 4, 2003
    North Dakota
    Ouch!! I wish I could convince my wife that dirt collecting was a good hobby. ;)

    Thanks again everyone.
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