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Why would I do th...? Nevermind, I had to ask (boy-girl stuff)...

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by NewWaveBasser, Oct 1, 2004.

  1. Way too many times I've lost women I wanted to other men who would just come up with the all-out attack sweep them like a hurricane routine. :scowl:

    I'm not like that. I like the relationships that develop and are whole.

    The scenario may be repeating again and I'm scared and confused.

    I have zero idea on how to deal with women and situations like these. Now I seek help from many who have gone through the process... yes, including talkbassers!!

    OK, so there's this lady, sweet, freindly, into films and art... we have nice conversations and such. I've grown to like her too much... and yes I cannot sleep well.

    Lately I've noticed what looks like a predator-like approach from another guy. This guy is following her around. So f-ing obvious.

    Her reactions: dunno diddley and that freaks me out. There isn't an obvious spark but they have gone out (or he is going with her whereas she doesn't see what's up). I tried once to have her go out with me in a very subtle way, with no result.

    But at times she gives me signals that I'm somebdoy to her. To what level, dunno. A smile, a look...

    My questions:

    1- Have I lost her or can I make a strong comeback?
    2- How should I approach her?
    3- What is truth and fantasy? Are they together or not? Would she lie to me to cover up anything?
    4- What info may be missing?
    5- Techniques like "secret admirer"?

    Maybe I have more questions but I finally can go to sleep. This is driving me nuts. I don't know what's true and what's my imagination.

    Heck, this drives me loco so bad... the new band I'm starting may very well be a vehicle, since I play bass, write lyrics, and do vocals.
  2. Marlat


    Sep 17, 2002
    London UK
    In less time than it took to write that post, you could have called her up and asked her on a date that could not be confused for anything else (ie dinner / opera / ballet etc).

    Wouldn't you rather know exactly where you stood?

    Food for thought.
  3. Brendan


    Jun 18, 2000
    Austin, TX
    Yep. Dicking around only gets you dicked.
  4. JMX

    JMX Vorsprung durch Technik

    Sep 4, 2000
    Cologne, Germany
    What they said. You don't need to "attack" her (depends on the woman "type"), but you need to show or at least imply that you are interested in a non-platonic way, or you get caught in the buddy trap.
  5. Nick man

    Nick man

    Apr 7, 2002
    Tampa Bay
    I agree with them.

    Dont attack, just ask her on a date.

    Then again, I asked a girl out for Sushi a while back and aparently she didnt get that I liked her until maybe a week later.
  6. I.'.I.'.Nakoa

    I.'.I.'.Nakoa Guest

    Aug 10, 2000
    Fort Worth.
    Just pray youre not on that dreaded friends ladder. ;)

    same thing always happens to me.
  7. kserg


    Feb 20, 2004
    London, UK

    Beh... too many times... "I like you... but you are like a brother too me" I feel so... how can I put it with out offending some people from some parts of you know... those states... I feel so Royal family after that... aww I have a crash on my sister... thanks sis... can we watch " Flowers in the Attic " now...

  8. bmc


    Nov 15, 2003
    I would go for the 4-10 cabinet. It is much punchier and can cut through the mix.
  9. ApeIsHigh81


    Aug 24, 2004
    ^ :p

    Big man........you gotta step the game up. She DOES notice the other guy, she just either doesn't let you see because she has an idea that you like her and she doesn't want to make you feel bad if she flirts back with him in front of your face.....or that could just be her style as with most women, leaving you guessing a little, playing hard to get as she is with you. Think with your buddy all the time. Pretend that he's conquered 20 nations and can kill with a wink. You are him and he is you, there is nothing you are afraid of, when you want something you approach it with finesse and smoothness, secretely knowing in the back of your mind that it's already yours. Just be a nice version of yourself and don't EVER act too interested, you gotta play a little hard-to-get also, just enough to keep the game going back and forth.
  10. Edwcdc

    Edwcdc I call shotgun!

    Jul 21, 2003
    Columbia MD USA
    Sorry I raised my voice.
    Most of the time, women have men hitting on them every day. You have to be better than them, you have to let her know that you want to do more than just hang out. Ask her out, and not with a group of friends but just the two of you. If she says yes, spend the evening with her and treat her right, pay attention to only her. Tell her how nice she looks even if she's a mess. Let her know at the end of the night how much fun you had and that you would like to do it again very soon.

    Screw that, get her drunk and put a baby in her and she will have to pay attention to you.

    Sorry son,I'm not a very good dad sometimes
  11. bmc


    Nov 15, 2003
    If you want to have single women hitting on you, wear a wedding ring. You become safe. They see that you are marriage material and trainable
  12. ApeIsHigh81


    Aug 24, 2004
    laughing. [​IMG][​IMG]
  13. Gia


    Feb 28, 2001

    just ask her out and stop being so simperingly neurotic.
  14. Gard


    Mar 31, 2000
    WInter Garden, FL
    Don't be subtle! Let her know how you feel, leave no uncertainty. You don't need to bludgeon her with it, just sit down, and tell her honestly and firmly what you are feeling, and what you want from the relationship.

    The worst thing you can do is let fear of rejection paralyze you, she will sense it, and trust me, it is not an attractive quality to a woman. (See Gia's post for how the female of the species feels about being "simperingly neurotic" ;) ) Be confident and positive, and try to be relaxed as well.

    If she responds positively, great, see where it goes. If she doesn't, well, it wasn't meant to be anyhow, was it?
  15. Thanks for the input!!!

    Latimour, I wrote that at midnight after coming back from an activity where she "and the enemy" were there. No true signs between them that there was something.

    Good move on my part: casually monitor what's up without making it obvious.

    I am so calling her today. See if there is a hint about what's really happening, and also asking her out to a concert... though I already suggested the idea and she didn't seem interested.

    Thing is, she is not the going out type of kind... unless it's with her group of long-time friends.

    But then women are some sort of puzzle. I do not know what she's thinking. I can't read between the lines. If she wanted me, will she ever give me a sign?
  16. Frank Martin

    Frank Martin Bitten by the luthiery bug...

    Oct 8, 2001
    Budapest, Hungary, EU

    Reading about the Ladder Theory might be interesting for you in this situation...
    If she says no to the concert you're inviting her to, but she goes out with that other guy again, then you're on the "Friends Ladder" and that other guy is on the "Affair Ladder"

  17. So when I call her today I should confront her on "the enemy" situation!
  18. Atshen


    Mar 13, 2003
    Grim Cold Québec
    Not necessarily, buddy. Maybe she already did but you didn't notice. If you're like me, you have a hard time noticing that kind of things. Damn, even a guy once had a crush on me and I never noticed it until he told me (sorry, I prefer ladies, eh)!!!

    Like they all said, get out of the closet and tell her your true feelings. By keeping things clear with her, you'll develop a stronger relationship. Good luck. :)
  19. Frank Martin

    Frank Martin Bitten by the luthiery bug...

    Oct 8, 2001
    Budapest, Hungary, EU
    I dont know what a reation you will get from her....
    Better not.... but thats only my advice.
    And my advice, as a 21-year-old who never had a girlfriend so far and one who has always been rejected and then humiliated, so my advice is pretty worthless, so take it as that ;)
  20. mutant...

    I'm freakin' 32 and NEVER had a girlfriend!!!!!

    It's REALLY getting on my nerves...

    And women always go with the first jackass they meet and fall like autumn leaves... or like a piano crashing to the ground.

    And they blame MEN for everything? Sorry, women are fools. Please ladies, choose wisely for once...