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Wives at gigs

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by bumperbass, Aug 9, 2012.

  1. bumperbass

    bumperbass Supporting Member

    Jun 19, 2012
    Guys, anybody have any issues with wives at gigs? I believe at gigs it's natural to talk to people during breaks, and even while on stage if someone approaches us asking for a song request, etc.
    My wife seems to be insecure. Some places there's a table REALLY close to the band and she'll sit at THAT one and STARE at me while I'm playing. Seems she's watching my eyes traveing (looking at chicks??). I don't know why she'd distrust me. I don't even fathom a thought of cheating. I just enjoy the band thingy, after a long 15?? year hiatus. We've been married 21 years. It makes it hard to be myself and concentrate on the music. I also like to watch people geting into the music, male or female.
    Anyone? In all the bands I've been in (15 to 20?) there's always been some kind of issue with wives. There's been a few bands I've been in where some wives NEVER come to the gigs.
  2. Phalex

    Phalex Semper Gumby Supporting Member

    Oct 3, 2006
    G.R. MI
    My wife really doesn't care. I'm free to look at the menu just so long as I eat at home.
  3. MatticusMania

    MatticusMania LANA! HE REMEMBERS ME!

    Sep 10, 2008
    Pomona, SoCal
    I have a wife no more, but when I did Id still check out women. I was looking for her, though.
  4. Let me be sure I understand this: You are afraid your wife will interpret you making eye contact with or looking at your audience as you scamming for babes.

    Did I get that right?

    If that's the case, you two need to have a good heart-to-heart, and possibly with a counselor present.

    My wife comes to all my shows, and I've never had even a remote sense of paranoia. I love her being there.
  5. Biggbass


    Dec 14, 2011
    Planet Earth
    My wife stopped going to the gigs years ago. She's heard all the music and doesn't like to sit around with nothing to do while I load in and load out. You gotta remember, for the wife a 4 hour gig turns out to be a 7-8 hour endurance test with the drive there and the loading and the drive home. She's just not into that anymore. If I were her I'd stay home too.
  6. gustobassman

    gustobassman I'm only here for the after party.. Supporting Member

    Mar 31, 2011
    Sandy Eggo
    You know what, i'd prefer to have a wife who stares at me rather than getting down with some tool on the dance floor.

    I was with a chick for about 5 years who pulled that crap a few times, trying to make me jealous, etc... And yes, more than once i basically tossed my bass off in a huff after the last song to have a "friendly word" with the dude she was getting "cozy" with on the dance floor. :mad:

    If she's really into looking at your eyes, do the old public speaking trick. Only look at the top of people's heads or the back of the club. Explain to her you are doing that to "give the perception you are in contact with the audience". Works for me ;)
  7. Marial

    Marial weapons-grade plum

    Apr 8, 2011
    No problems with my wife, and I'm also one of those that likes it when she's at my gigs.
  8. bumperbass

    bumperbass Supporting Member

    Jun 19, 2012
    Yes, electracoyote, I THINK that's what she's doing. I never asked her, though. I don't think we've reached the counselor stage yet, though.
    Biggbass, she says she considers it a night out, too, and sits with the guitar player's wife.
    If I were her, I'd stay home, too. lol
  9. bumperbass

    bumperbass Supporting Member

    Jun 19, 2012
    gustobassman, I once dated a girl like that. Her ex would show up at all of our shows and she'd dance with him. She knew it made me furious, but said she wasn't interested in him any more. I think he was there to try to 'get her back' and I had a confrontion with him (I used to down a few beers, then, but never got loo-looed on the job). It wasn't pretty but that was 30 years ago and I was a kid.
  10. Floyd Eye

    Floyd Eye Banned

    Feb 21, 2010
    St. Louis
    My wife shows up at most of my gigs. She drives herself up so it really is a 4 hour ordeal for here.

    I usually wear sunglasses. lol
  11. theretheyare


    Sep 4, 2010
    Brooklyn, NY
    Endorsing: Arkham Vacuum Tube Amplification
    My wife is a singer and has currently WAY more gigs than I do, and has been away on tour for up to 6 weeks. It's a matter of trust, knowing to believe (in) one another. But ususally we come to each other's shows and we like that.

    Last night was the 1st time in a long time that I didn't come to a local gig of hers, as I had a session of my own, and lo and behold the act before her (some a**hole 'comedian') starts telling her to "su*ck my d*ck" because at 9:45, she wanted to go on stage for her 9 pm set (the idiot had started 45 ms late). As I learned, she dealt with him then and there, as I know she's quite capable of. :)
  12. Mystic Michael

    Mystic Michael Hip No Ties

    Apr 1, 2004
    New York, NY

    Five years? Seriously? Five years? :confused:

    Why do guys always allow their chains to get yanked like this? Here's how you deal with it: The very first time she pulls a stunt like that, you have a word directly with the lady - not with the (random) guy she just happens to be with at the moment.

    You let her know that if she'd prefer to play the field rather than to be with you, that she's free to go - anytime she wants. Tell her she can have either option she prefers - but she can't have both at the same time. Insist upon a decision. Call her bluff - if that's what it is. If it isn't a bluff, cut her loose and move on - she isn't worth the grief.

    It's a win-win, either way: If she stays with you, you've (hopefully) just eliminated her monkey business on the side, and probably won a whole new degree of respect from her as well. If she goes, you've just eliminated a big bunch of dead weight.


  13. Oneirogenic


    Nov 10, 2009
    Sounds like you need to have a talk. My wife comes to a lot of gigs and so do my and her friends so for her its usually just a night out to dance and drink while her hubby works on stage.
  14. bumperbass

    bumperbass Supporting Member

    Jun 19, 2012
    The reason I started this thread at all, was, at the last gig, she was literally 5 feet from me at her table. I really felt I couldn't get expressive, or interact. If I DID interact, I'd literally have to look THOUGH her.
  15. +1,000,000... ever think the guy shes dancing with has no idea she has a BF or even that hes onstage glaring at the 2 of them?
  16. ejmy


    Nov 30, 2008
    Why would someone bring his lunch to the restaurant ? LOL
  17. MatticusMania

    MatticusMania LANA! HE REMEMBERS ME!

    Sep 10, 2008
    Pomona, SoCal
    That sounds like one of my exes. I remember she once chewed me out because I ordered a drink from a female bartender.

    I did say, ex, yes?
  18. Sounds like there's something she's not telling you? Trust issues? Bad experience at a bar or with a past boyfriend? Tell her it makes you uncomfortable on stage and ask her if there's anything you can do to help her relax while you're on stage.
  19. Mike in Chicago

    Mike in Chicago Supporting Member

    Apr 3, 2011
    Mine usually is workin' another chick for us to take home...WHAT? What's that? huh? Okay, okay, I'll get up! Yawn...

    Sorry, I was dreaming.
  20. gustobassman

    gustobassman I'm only here for the after party.. Supporting Member

    Mar 31, 2011
    Sandy Eggo
    Easy Michael, slow down... This was YEARS ago in my early twenties and "satan" as i refer to her now, started pulling this crap near the end of the relationship. My current love of my life and i have been together for 8 years and she goes to all my shows when her side gig doesn't get in the way.. She's a professional sports videographer with some sick gear so that helps when the band needs some footage.

    OP, you mentioned that she usually hangs out with the guitarist's wife at shows. Do they do anything outside of the gig-life? Maybe she's not comfortable with the people she's around to be having a great time. Women are weird about things like that.

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