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Worst. Audition. Ever.

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by DannyB, Jan 24, 2006.

  1. DannyB


    Aug 17, 2004
    So tonight I had my first "audition" outside the circles of musicians with which I normally play. I've been in bands and play actively at churches now, but I have always been asked to play (no auditioning).

    I'm looking to branch out a bit and give the creative side some room to grow... found an ad for some guys that have "just moved to the area", been "together approximately five years" and are looking for "bassist with 2 years experience required".

    I've actually only been playing about 15-16 months, but what the heck, I've been playing a LOT during that time.. so I give them a call and they audition me tonight. Make it sound like it's a concession since my experience is a problem.

    Get over to the place (dude's apartment) and the other guys are there. They are really nice guys, but baked off their asses. I'm not a drug user, I'm married, help lead worship at a couple churches.. and I'm in a room full of 19 and 20 year old stoners (not bad people mind you, but not my culture at all). An old loveseat, ratty chair, TV and computer on the floor, about 150 video games and two different consoles.. Pot leaf blacklight poster on the wall (and that was it). Sink full of crusty dishes.. you get the picture.

    Essentially, I was able to play their originals about 3 measures in. The guitarist was average, but the vocals were so bad it was all I could do not to laugh... Some of it seemed comedic, but as I looked around for laughter all I saw were guys nodding their head like "yeahhhh"

    This was like some Pink Floyd meets Super Mario Brothers meets the short bus kinda jam session. The keyboardist was sporting a Casio.. built in speakers blasting some "instrument" tone. They were blown away that I showed up with an American Fender and an Ashdown head. I should have taken my SX, but anyway.....

    I cordially played a few tunes with them, exchanged handshakes, and I was on my way.

    Obviously, if they want me to join I will decline the offer and simply tell them that the chemistry just isn't there.

    Is it appropriate to ask questions about drug use, lyrical ability, practice space (not an apartment), equipment/resources , etc... on a blind call to setup an audition?

    I can't say I was comfortable there at all, and I surely would not go back. I wish I would have known up front and saved everyone some time. Any tricks on avoiding something like this?
  2. cheezewiz

    cheezewiz Supporting Member

    Mar 27, 2002
    Any question you think is relevant is fair game. It will be a time saver in the end. Congrats for your patience. You made it through much more of that audition than I would I have. I would have walked in and walked right back out.
  3. DannyB


    Aug 17, 2004
    Definitely tempted to.. but they were nice guys (even if they had nothing going for them) and I would have felt bad about just walking out. It will be easier to decline on the return call (if they offer).
  4. I don't know about asking of their lyrical ability(they're auditioning you, after all)

    Practice space?..of course, you don't want to have band practice in an apartment...

    Money? ....??

    ...Drug use? of course it's appropriate to ask about that!

    Yeah! ..right before you are supposed to get together to audition, say .....

    .."I really want to play with you guys, and hopefully my Police department will be hiring more police, so that should definately free up more practice time for me, as I'm overworked lately!"

    They should either be eager that you'll have more time to play, or you might hear the sound of toilets flushing right after you tell them you'll be right over...
  5. DannyB


    Aug 17, 2004
    Yeah, that wouldn't be something.. maybe I should rephrase "money" into "gigging equipment"? I don't even think they had mics.
  6. DaftCat


    Jul 26, 2004
    Medicine Hat
    Now that is GOLD! HAHA

    Well, I think it is safe to say I am not the only TBer who interviews a prospective band as much as they interview me. Based on DannyB's post, he was conducting a profound interview. :)


    Which part were you?
  8. DannyB


    Aug 17, 2004
    I'm still trying to figure that out... :eek:
  9. Gard


    Mar 31, 2000
    WInter Garden, FL
    Danny, man...there ARE real musicians here in the Triad, you just didn't find 'em tonight....

    ...I'm going to go find my favorite personal audition post and link to it for you...you'll probably find it humorous...

    (Here 'tis, post #5: http://www.talkbass.com/forum/showthread.php?t=38411&highlight=audition)

    ...by the way, sorry I "vanished" on you last month, but it's been a...well....whirlwind couple of months for me!!! :)

    We should hang soon dude! Definitely give me a shout and come visit the shop sometime!
  10. Greg Jones

    Greg Jones

    Dec 1, 2005
    Thornton, CO
    Though it may not be 'cool' to ask a targeted talent question like this('sides, you'll likely get B.S. for an answer) let us not forget that auditions are just like job interviews. They are TWO WAY deals. Any good interviewer will be as prepared as possible and ask some pretty pointed questions about the company. This shows that you've done your 'homework' as well as you care about the overall success/business plan/direction of the company and aren't simply 'looking for a job'. I think this way of thinking applies perfectly to the audition setting.

    Kudos for the way you handled it. I'd of likely turned around and left.
  11. Gard,

    I'm having serious trouble paying attention to any of your posts or the threads you're posting in. Everytime I try to read one of your posts now, I get to the end of the first line and instead of looking down to the next line, my eyes move directly to your avatar and freeze in that position for about 10-15 seconds. It's happened about a dozen times now.



  12. Philbiker

    Philbiker Pat's the best!

    Dec 28, 2000
    Northern Virginia, USA
    Thanks for sharing! Funny story!
  13. I had neighbors like them in college...well, until their girlfriends kicked them out.:p

    Seriously, yes, you should ask as many questions as you want to ask them, about anything. Especially "lifestyle" :D and "equiptment" :D
  14. SnoMan

    SnoMan Words Words Words

    Jan 27, 2001
    Charleston, WV

    Even though others have already quoted this line...it's just too funny.
  15. DannyB


    Aug 17, 2004
    My first quote turned sig. Awesome. :bassist:
  16. Gard


    Mar 31, 2000
    WInter Garden, FL
    John, there is a cure for your condition, but it involves spending some cash...


  17. SuperDuck


    Sep 26, 2000
    I just went through the auditioning process and found myself with an awesome new band that I really get along with.

    Probably the best filter was to communicate through e-mail first. I hate to say it, but the time and effort put into clear and well-written emails generally says volumes about the character of the people you are dealing with.

    I had people spell "college" wrong, my own name wrong (which was written in my classifieds ad), and most of them generally sounded like they were barely able to string together a coherent sentence. These people I avoided like the plague. Those that repsonded with professional, well-written emails showed that they were willing to take the time to show real interest in what was going on. I'm not surprised at all that the new band I'm with has a hard-working attitude that wants to get it _done_.

    I think you're well within your rights to ask questions about drugs, money, partying, anything. If they're the kind of crowd that thinks you're being silly for asking those questions, than you probably don't want to be hanging out with them anyway. ;)
  18. Skeletomania


    Oct 25, 2005
    hong kong
    It'll be really funny if you're a cop and walk into the room with a bunch of pot heads. Do you keep on auditioning or go down to your car and bring out some handcuffs.
  19. cheezewiz

    cheezewiz Supporting Member

    Mar 27, 2002

    +1,000! Great post.
  20. cheezewiz

    cheezewiz Supporting Member

    Mar 27, 2002

    Well...having been in this EXACT situation, you just say, "Ummmm....I don't think this is going to work out guys" and you leave.