Worst Day of my Life

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by amos, Aug 13, 2004.

  1. amos


    Oct 23, 2003
    SE Portland Oregon
    I've been ousted from the only true love in my life, my now former band, The Gentry.

    I had the whole band mad at me a few weeks ago for a few things and I thought I got things straightened out and tried to put in as much effort into the band as possible, but apparently it wasn't enough.

    Oddly enough there was no practice for over a week and a half and I figured that everyone was working to save up to mass produce the single. Well I go over to where we practice today to find out the last two weeks or so have been recruitment for a new bassist.

    I did not handle this well. I'm totally drained from being so incredibly upset today and am extremely depressed. This band pretty much meant more than anything in my stupid life and now I feel immensely empty and lonely. I think my band is making a huge mistake and I don't think they will be able to find a replacement with my talent, gear, or most of all, my personality.

    :bawl: I've had some bad breakups and have been dumped but nothing has hurt this bad. This sucks.

    and to top it off in the midst of all my emotions :crying: :spit: :confused: :( :scowl: today I think I pulled a muslce frantically hauling my gear out of where we pratice.

    I really don't know what the f*ck I'm going to do with the rest of my life. My plan was to dedicate most of my time and energy to this band for the next few years at the least. Everyone I played with are amazingly talented individuals, and I have little faith I will find replacements for them. We professionally recorded our single ourselves and it's about to blow up. The Gentry sound was totally unique and extremely marketable.

    Playing live with this band was the best rush in the world.

    I'm sorry for this is just a stupid rant but I figure if anyone would understand would be the TB community.

    Thanks for reading,

  2. Corbis

    Corbis Guest

    Feb 19, 2003
    Wamego KS
    Well there's plenty of monkeys in the jungle. Maybe go out tommorrow and look for a new band. There aren't many bassists around so you shouldn't have problems finding a equally or more talented band. You never know this could end up being the best thing that ever happened to you.
  3. mz91


    Apr 19, 2002
    Zug, Switzerland
    Im really sorry to hear that...

    Im not going to pretend i understand how you feel cause i dont.... I hope as time goes by you realize that you do not need them. And hopefully you are happy in your next project.

    I know this must really suck, but hey, maybe it just wasnt meant to be. Keep your head up and make good out of it bro!

    Once again, im sorry. But ev. it will be for the better...

    Hope your muscle gets better and you find a new group of guys quickly ;)


  4. bassmonkeee

    bassmonkeee Supporting Member

    Sep 13, 2000
    Decatur, GA
    It sucks, but if they were auditioning new bass players before even telling you about their decision then they are cowards and lowlifes.

    And, honestly--19 is too young to worry about what you are going to do with the rest of your life. The beauty of being a bass player is that there is always a band looking for a bass player.

    It sucks to be ousted, but life moves on. You'll be okay--promise.
  5. Find someone else as quick as possible. Start checking music classifieds in local publications and making some phone calls. Your music life is just beginning.
  6. Joe P

    Joe P

    Jul 15, 2004
    Milwaukee, WI
    Bummer, man. Sorry to hear that.

    I realize that the real bummer is not so much musical, but having friends appearently turn on you like that.

    Now musically speaking - see what happens! I'd say that especially if that was your first band, then this kick in the ass very well might be a quick step up to another plateau musically; new songs, some new friends, a fresh groove - could be good.

    Are you going to have to face divorce-like issues of reconciling money investments in equipment or anything like that? If not, then you're lucky to be able to make a clean break anyway! That kind of stuff can get gnarly.

    Keep us posted,

  7. cosmodrome

    cosmodrome Registered User

    Apr 30, 2004
    ****town, Netherlands
    i'm sorry to hear that amos. sounds like you really had it going on with the gentry. i've never been kicked but it came close a number of times because i'm generally an annoying asshat to play with. i've learned about keeping my too ambitious opinions and ideas to myself, even recently. seems like i keep forgetting it's all about the fun.

    reculer pour mieux sauter
  8. Dude, I could've written that myself back in March, when I got kicked out of a great band with a lot of career potential. It was really rough (still is sometimes, when I hear about their big shows like opening for well-known bands, playing the Michigan State Fair, etc), but I got myself back into the game very shortly and playing with a couple different projects in addition to the side project I've had for years. I haven't yet found anything permanent, but any experience is good experience as far as I'm concerned. Check out your local ads and get with another group ASAP; it's just like rebounding from a girlfriend but with fewer diseases to worry about :p Good luck!
  9. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    wow, man, this seems to be going around everywhere lately. :eyebrow:
  10. Thor

    Thor Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Sorry to hear it.

    3 things need to happen to you now.

    1) You need to work to maintain a good attitude.
    2) You need to work on your...
    3) Attitude.

    The hallmark of excellence is musicianship is the ability
    to persevere in the face of extreme adversity.

  11. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    So wha'd'ja do to them? How can we assess the situation without a balanced presentation of this critical half of the story, otherwise known as "their side"? Seems odd to me that they'd give you the boot without a pretty good reason.
  12. I can understand your pain. However,
    As Munji virtually said.......you haven't made it clear what it was you did to upset the other guy's enough for them to give you the boot. It's hard to know whether to comfort or pity you.
    My advice would be... if you think that there is any justification at all in what they did to you, even a little bit, then learn from it so that it doesn't happen again in your next band.
    If however you are convinced that it was completely unjustified, then consider youself lucky to be rid of them. It would never have worked out in the long run anyway.

    In one way or another, learn from what has happened, and determine than what ever obstacles arise, you are going to persevere and succeed. Good luck.
  13. zoran


    May 10, 2002
    yeah, I know how you feel right now. I was dumped from band before few years, cause I worked a lot on other places to save some money, I was depressed and finally found out that the bass playing is what I like the most. I talked with guys and after few days started to play with them again (we are together till today), and I learned something, always take your job seriously, and play again , and again to be the best as you can. When we talk about it today they say that it would be big mistake if I've been out of band. One croatian adage says: The thing that not killed you, strengthen you. I don't know if I catch this adage in spirit of english language, probably not :smug:
  14. amos


    Oct 23, 2003
    SE Portland Oregon
    thanks for the responses.

    I was told that I did not care enough about the band or the music and that I did not make the band my priority. I was told that I didn't care about my place in the band. This is simply not true. It strated when I went away for one weekend, about a month ago..... and due to it being last minute in nature I forgot to let them know. I missed a practice and didn't call them due to being embaressed when I got back and missed another practice because I never heard from them. They assumed because I did not show up to two practices that I had no interest in the band anymore. Everyone was mad at me. This was a month ago remember. I then reiterated to them the fact that the band meant everything to me and that I had no interest in leaving.. Fast forward to this week. After practice being continually canceled for almost two weeks I was beginning to really miss getting together with the guys and payed a visit to the The Gentry Countryclub (our studio) to see what Gino and Steve were up to. They talked about how they started recording Glory and Latent stranger and how some people in England really dug our single and some other things and then sprung it on me that the reason we hadn't practiced for almost two weeks is because they have been recruiting. They said that after they got mad at me nothing changed. This was devastating to me because I had been at every single practice putting all my effort into my playing. They said I was late to practice the next day.

    Their whole beef about attendence is absolutely ludicrous because even being a few minutes late I've waited hours for others to show up. Everyone has been guilty of being late or not showing up, where as I was ready to practice every single day the last three weeks.

    It was just a complete shock to hear that "nothing had changed" it just makes no sense to me whatsoever. We had some really good practices before they started recruiting we were pretty much ready to play shows again. Everything seemed hunky dory. As naive as I am I know I would be able to tell if something was up before the sh*t hit the fan.

    I dunno. I really think this is just totally unfair. My dedication to these amazing group of individuals was pure. My playing is better than its ever been.

    And yes it seems that these people are really f*cked up for recruiting a new bass player without telling me but thats thing; they are not. These are warm-hearted, great people who I've spent a crazy amount of time with over the course of the last year and therefore have become close to most of them.

    It was only two weeks after my mom died that I was asked to join this band. I always looked at this like Gino (singer, player, writer, leader of the band) was some sort of savior to help me get through my hard times by providing a musical outlet for my to express many of my feelings.

    But there are more monkeys in the jungle, however its hard to conceive of finding a monkey as awesome and promising as this one.

    And does anyone know if I am legally entitled to some of the money earned from CD sales? I played on the album so I figure thats my intellectual property. I know they are going to sell a sh!tload of cds, so I guess I should look into this more.

    :sigh: this week has not only been the most f*cked up week of my summer but many other people's too. My friend swore that this phenomenon is due to Mercury being in retrograde i.e. the planets being aligned some strange way.

    I'm probably going to talk to Gino tomorrow and get a better idea of why I have been dicked like this. I keep thinking that I am going to practice on Sunday . . . meh.

    I need to just keep thinking of what good can come out of this, and maybe its for the best; albeit hard.

  15. jondog


    Mar 14, 2002
    NYC metro area
    Try "I'm sorry." "I made a mistake going away over the weekend and skipping practice, and it was my responsibility to contact you when I returned but I acted immaturely and was embarassed so I didn't call." "I have learned not to behave like a child anymore and will keep my commitments in a professional manner. Please consider giving me a chance to prove this."
  16. megiddo


    Apr 5, 2003
    Houston, Texas
    I'm with jondog, give his idea a shot. If it doesn't work, move on. A bass player can always find a gig.

  17. That's a great idea.
    Be amiable though and follow Jondog's advice:

    If things don't work out for them with their new bass player, you may find yourself back with them again if you keep a cool head. Let us know how you get on.
  18. With so much going on with the band I wouldn't be surprised if they thought things over and decided to let you back in. I mean if they got someone else they would have to go through the whole teaching song process and besides, finding a bass player with descent equipment is hard to find anywhere. So stay positive about everything and remember that if it doesn't end up working out then I guess it was just for the best. Maybe your just meant for another project. But this is more than that because these were your friends and buddies that you spent countless hours with working hard on your material, so it's understandable how you feel about everything. But yeah well apologize to them for missing practice and if they do decide to let you continue just tell them that you will show 100% dedication towards the band and next time something comes up you will notify them. This is obviously something more than just a band so do your best to not just let this get away. But don't get too upset if it doesn't end up working out because all it does is open doors for better opportunites. Well good luck and be sure to keep us updated on what happens.
  19. Brendan


    Jun 18, 2000
    Austin, TX
    Pretty much the story of the last major band I was in. Hurt like hell. For me though, at least I was right and they did fail spectacularly after I left, so there was a bit of consolation.
  20. zoran


    May 10, 2002
    Yes, let them know what they're missing