Worth a look...

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by BassyBill, Mar 11, 2010.

  1. BassyBill

    BassyBill The smooth moderator... Gold Supporting Member

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Midlands UK
    A Musician's Dictionary

    AGENT: a character who resents performers getting 90% of his salary.

    ARRANGER: a guy who writes to support a drinking habit.

    BALLET: an art form for people with eating disorders

    BANDSTAND: the area furthest away from an electrical outlet

    BIG BAND: nowadays, an aggregation consisting of two musicians.

    BROADWAY PIT JOB: a prison sentence disguised as a gig.

    CABARET: a venue where singers do songs from shows that closed out of town.

    CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME: god's way of telling you that you've practiced too much.

    CATERER: a man whose hatred for musicians is unrivaled.

    CHANTEUSE: a singer with an accent and no time.

    CLASSICAL COMPOSER: a man ahead of his time and behind in the rent.

    CLUBDATER: god's way of telling you that you didn't practice enough.

    CLUB DATE LEADER: someone who changes his name from Kaminsky to Kaye.

    CONTRACTOR: a man whose funeral nobody goes to.

    CRUISE SHIP WORK: a gig that gives a musician two reasons to throw up.

    DOWNBEAT: the magazine that would have you believe that all jazz musicians are working.

    ELECTRIC PIANO: the instrument that enables its player to pay for the hernia he sustained lifting it.

    JAZZ: the only true american art form beloved by europeans.

    JAZZ FESTIVAL: an event attended by folks who think Coltrane is a car on the B&O railroad.

    MELLOPHONE: an instrument best put to use when converted into a lamp.

    METRONOME: the archenemy of chanteuses and cantors.

    MOVIE COMPOSER: someone who can write like anyone except himself.

    NEW AGE : a musical substitute for Valium.

    NEW YEARS EVE: the night of the year when contractors are forced to hire musicians they despise.

    ORCHESTRATOR: the musician who enhances a composer's music, only to be chastised for it .

    PERCUSSIONIST: a drummer who can't swing.

    PERFECT PITCH: the ability to pinpoint any note and still play out of tune.

    PRODIGY: a kid who has as much chance at a normal childhood as the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series.

    RARE VIOLIN: a Stradivarius, not to be confused with a rare violinist, which is someone over four foot eleven.

    SIDEMAN: the appellation that guarantees a musician will never be rich.

    STAFF MUSICIAN: harder to locate than a cavity in the Osmond family.

    STEADY ENGAGEMENT: look up in Webster's Dictionary under the word ''obsolete.''

    24\7: the time signature of the national anthem of India.

    UNION REP: a guy who thinks big bands are coming back.

    VERSE: the part of a tune that's disposable, except to its composer.

    VIOLA D'AMORE: a baroque string instrument and coincidentally the hooker Bach lost his virginity to.

    WURLITZER: the Ford Pinto of pianos.

    YANNI: a man blessed with great hair for music.
  2. Hi.

    Definitely worth a look, thanks.

  3. Haha, nice!
  4. Some real laughers here.
  5. o_rly.jpg

    no seriously!?:bag:

    oh btw since i can be legally sentenced to jail for doing that i'd like to point out that its not true that our national anthem is not in 24/7! it always sounded a common time 4 rhythm to me
    hmmm i think it is 4/4! http://home.planet.nl/~jschoone/in.html
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