Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Todd GT5, May 1, 2010.
This one makes me nervous,
Oh, send the bus, I'm ready to roll!
LOL. That's hilarious.
O.K. here you go before it gets deleted.
Touring Band Needs Musicians (Bend and @ 17 States)
Date: 2010-05-01, 3:47AM PDT
Reply to: email@example.com [Errors when replying to ads?]
I am looking for some severe talent to fill in the gaps. I need a drummer, two guitars (one lead and one rhythm), bass, 2 male singers and 3 women singers. The right candidates must be incredibly and unequivocally pedestrian or better. Influences include a list of great bands that would impress anyone who read this. Only serious inquiries. I have a studio. My 2 year old daughter has a tattoo gun. I have mapped out a west coast tour and an east coast tour that we can hit once things get rolling. (I've been in the business for some time and I can confidently say that there is not much "good" touring done in the middle.) I need 420 friendly people. I am 420,000. I have many connections in the business and I am going to parlay them into my pocketbook while smoking a lid. A number. My industry friends know how I operate and they try to emulate. The right candidates need to be attracted to me. At some point prior to the end of the tour, 1/2 of the successful candidates will like my body odor. Is your immediate family ready for that? I use a lot of music industry jargon that you will learn from me over time. If you play, hit me up. Hit me up. Hit me up. Hit me. I play the flute. I play it just like Ian Anderson...with one foot on the other knee. I have originals that are sure to be hits. The only reason they're not on the radio right now is that I don't want them to be on the radio just yet. We'll probably tour the world. I don't say that carelessly. I will share many life lessons with you from my extensive touring history when we're on the tour bus. One thing, too, is that -- while on the tour bus -- you will need to wait to defecate until we get to the gas station. Only urinating is allowed in the restroom on the tour bus. I'll teach you more lessons that you will appreciate. Thanks for reading. I hope it works out for you. Good luck.
That is hilarious
"...I need a drummer, two guitars (one lead and one rhythm), bass, 2 male singers and 3 women singers...The right candidates need to be attracted to me. At some point prior to the end of the tour, 1/2 of the successful candidates will like my body odor..."
Sounds like all he has is himself and a picture of a bus.
Golly, at least the tour bus has enough room to dismember a corpse in.
"I need a drummer, two guitars (one lead and one rhythm), bass, 2 male singers and 3 women singers"
He's looking for all these members yet him and his flute is the "touring band".
At least his 2 year old daughter has a tattoo gun!
i got that and thought "that's kinda funny". then i read on.....
You have to audition, Todd! You have no choice!
You, alone, have to jump on the grenade for the rest of us so we can find out what this guy's story is. Besides, his daughter has a tatoo gun.
He only needs to fill in the gaps....
haha....only urinating allowed on the bus. this and other life lessons can be learned on the road! sign me up.
1/2 of the successful candidates will like my body odor. Is your immediate family ready for that?
Also the picture of Ian Anderson at the bottom is priceless.
Nice bus, nothing else to add.....
I have never been a fan of that whole "no pooping on the tour bus" thing....just saying...
also, I would like to add that I too have hit songs, but just like this person, I simply choose not to make any money off of them
Lol this is one of the best one's I've ever seen. My two year old has a tatoo gun...
Once someone lays a gigantic steaming Dumpenstein on the bus, you might change your mind.. Wondering if the chem toilet and small enclosed space dont' do a good job of odor control? Never tried it, just speculating...
On the other hand... Maybe his tour bus doesn't have a chem toilet.... It did just say "restroom".... lol
why does he mention his 2 year old daughter having a tat gun? I mean for F***'s sake I waited until my niese was 3 before I gave her my old starter kit.