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wrote this song about the girl i like

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by PeaveyTNT, Oct 13, 2002.


  1. PeaveyTNT

    PeaveyTNT Banned

    Jul 21, 2002
    USA
    yay or nay???


    Key:

    *- power chords






    Verse 1:

    G

    Her name I cannot tell you,

    E

    For she is to divine.

    G

    The way I feel when I see her eyes,

    E

    Is to overwhelming to speak of.

    G

    Everything about her is majestic,

    E

    And I am to afraid to tell her.



    Chorus:

    *G*

    Why can't I tell her?

    *D*

    She needs to know!

    *B*

    I can't live this way forever,

    *G*

    I just have to tell her.



    Verse 2:

    G

    I talk to her everyday,

    E

    And can't seem to get her out of my head.

    G

    She is perfect,

    E

    Like she fell out of heaven.

    G

    But she doesn't know it. (Chorus)
     
  2. PeaveyTNT

    PeaveyTNT Banned

    Jul 21, 2002
    USA
    *note to dave* I have a gun with an ammo load clip right next to it pal!
     
  3. Bryan R. Tyler

    Bryan R. Tyler TalkBass: Usurping My Practice Time Since 2002 Staff Member Administrator Gold Supporting Member

    May 3, 2002
    Connecticut
    You better be singing about Mother Mary, because NO ONE is that great. Then again, when you're fifteen, anything with blue eyes and a smile seems perfect.
     
  4. Dave Castelo

    Dave Castelo

    Apr 19, 2000
    Mexico
    KYLIE MINOGUE RIP OFF!! :mad:


    (note to self: Steal song, then profit)
     
  5. PeaveyTNT

    PeaveyTNT Banned

    Jul 21, 2002
    USA
    dude, dave, i havent heard a kylie minogue song... so there is no way that is a rip...

    AND SHE HAS GREEN EYES!

    i think... i havent seen her since friday!:rolleyes:
     
  6. Dave Castelo

    Dave Castelo

    Apr 19, 2000
    Mexico
    [​IMG]

    Kylie does not approve :(
     
  7. PeaveyTNT

    PeaveyTNT Banned

    Jul 21, 2002
    USA
    oooh her

    that la la la la la la
    person

    yeah, i have only heard her on SNL and was to busy staring at her to listen.
     
  8. Dave Castelo

    Dave Castelo

    Apr 19, 2000
    Mexico
    she's hot!

    let's be internet friends! :) lol
     
  9. Wrong Robot

    Wrong Robot Guest

    Apr 8, 2002
    I like girls with green eyes :)
     
  10. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    You have a hanging preposition in line 4 of verse 1. Also, "to" should be spelled "too" in line two. Otherwise, it's not so hot.
     
  11. PeaveyTNT

    PeaveyTNT Banned

    Jul 21, 2002
    USA
    come on people, tell me where i need to change this song, give me lyrical advice,

    i have a's and b's in all my classes EXCEPT ENGLISH so obviously writing is not my bag.... feel free to say it sux and all that good stuff, but how to make it better would be much appreciated.
     
  12. jazzbo

    jazzbo

    Aug 25, 2000
    San Francisco, CA
    MUSIC-RELATED.

    MISCELLANEOUS.
     
  13. it sucks. you're not saying anything new, just "wow this girl sure is swell." not even a clever turn of phrase. scrap those lyrics, and start over when you get an idea.
     
  14. Hategear

    Hategear Workin' hard at hardly workin'.

    Apr 6, 2001
    Appleton, Swissconsin
    I applaud the fact that you write your own stuff. It's too bad people 'round here can't be more encouraging.
     
  15. he gave me the impression that he wanted honest opinions.
     
  16. Dave Castelo

    Dave Castelo

    Apr 19, 2000
    Mexico
    you and Pete (McFerrin) have my eternal admiration for telling the whole cold truth...

    you sure make this place less "hypocritical"

    never change!

    kthxbye :)
     
  17. Bryan R. Tyler

    Bryan R. Tyler TalkBass: Usurping My Practice Time Since 2002 Staff Member Administrator Gold Supporting Member

    May 3, 2002
    Connecticut
    If you want to improve the song, you could attempt to make it more real. People don't necessarily want to hear songs about how "divine" someone else is; personally, I don't buy it and it bores me to tears. This girl is a person, not a goddess; so what kind of person is she and what does she mean to you? That'll be far more interesting than "she's perfect." And you can get As in almost all of your classes, but if you can't properly articulate the knowledge you have because you can not write about them or verbalize them very well, then what good are they to you?

    Oh yeah, the rhyming needs a little work...
     
  18. I'm think you should add "wow this girl sure is swell" in there somewhere. Be more creative as well, instead of "For she is too divine" try "her mannerisms are curiously arousing", and in place of "Everything about her is majestic" you could write "I admire her penile deficiency". Also, switching some of your lines around could help too, since "I talk to her everyday,/and can't seem to get her out of my head" is a rip off, just replace it with the last line of your chorus "I talk to her everyday,/But she doesn't know it."
     
  19. Hategear

    Hategear Workin' hard at hardly workin'.

    Apr 6, 2001
    Appleton, Swissconsin
    Well, there's honesty and then there's brutal honesty.

    Hey, if PeaveyTNT isn't offended, neither am I. I guess you shouldn't ask if you don't want the truth, right? ;)
     
  20. You could try spucing it up with some words involving the letter k. I hear their quite humerous, and since you were going for that comedic type of song I thought this might help.:D