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You might be too old.

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by cactus1, Sep 17, 2019.


  1. cactus1

    cactus1

    Oct 6, 2009
    Ft Myers
    Did anyone catch this post by John Falstrom?

    John Falstrom shared a post to the group: For Bass Players Only Discussion.
    1 hr ·
    You're too old to play gigs when:

    1. It becomes more important to find a place on stage for your fan than your amp.
    2. Your gig clothes make you look like ...George Burns out for a round of golf or Dolly Parton with no bosom.
    3. All your fans leave by 9:30 p.m.
    4. All you want from groupies is a foot massage and back rub.
    5. You love taking the elevator because you can sing along with most of your set-list.
    6. Instead of a fifth member, your band wants to spring for a roadie.
    7. You lost the directions to the gig.
    8. You need your glasses to see the amp settings.
    9. You've thrown out your back jumping off the stage.
    10. You feel like heck before the gig even starts.
    11. The waitress is your daughter!
    12. You stop the set because your ibuprofen fell behind the speakers.
    13. Most of your crowd just sways in their seats.
    14. You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your guitar case.
    15. You refuse to play without earplugs.
    16. You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 instead of 9:30.
    17. You check the TV schedule before booking a gig.
    18. Your gig stool has a back.
    19. You're related to at least one member in the band.
    20. You don't let anyone sit in.
    21. You need a nap before the gig.
    22. After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early.
    23. During the breaks, you now go to the van to lie down.
    24. You prefer a music stand with a light.
    25. You don't recover until Tuesday afternoon.
    26. You hope the host's speech lasts forever
    27. You buy amps considering their weight and not their tone or "cool" factor.
    28. Feeling guilty looking at hot women at the audience, 'cause they're younger than your daughter.
    29. You can remember seven different club names for the same location.
    30. You have a hazy memory of the days when you could work 10 gigs in 7 days and could physically do it!
    31. Your date couldn't make it because she couldn't find a babysitter for the grandkids.
    32. The set list has to be in 20 point type..
    33. Your drug of choice is now coffee…
    34. It seems impossible to find stage shoes with decent arch support.
    ..September 17th, 2019.
     
    kcolyar, Wfrance3, 12BitSlab and 38 others like this.
  2. I haven't yet reached the stage of most of these. But #33? Yes


    We often joke about the gigs in the old days where we knew which bars would still serve us after 2am. Now we know where every Kwik Trip is on the way home because we like their coffee! :thumbsup:
     
  3. #27 is most of TB...
    I’m guilty of #8, but that’s regarding the pedalboard. Got forbid if a contact falls out, I won’t be able to tell if I’m in tune.
     
  4. two fingers

    two fingers Opinionated blowhard. But not mad about it. Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2005
    Eastern NC USA
    At pushing 50, I only qualify for #8. But I have #15 ready if needed.
     
    Wisebass and cactus1 like this.
  5. The waitress was my GRANDDAUGHTER :jawdrop:
     
    JKB1957, btmpancake, palmann and 17 others like this.
  6. bluesblaster

    bluesblaster

    Jan 2, 2008
    #8 here too
     
    cactus1 likes this.
  7. jchrisk1

    jchrisk1 Supporting Member

    Nov 15, 2009
    Northern MI
    I guess I've been too old since I was 20, according to #9 on the list. Unfortunately, it's reoccurring every couple of years or so since then. Which brings me to #27.
     
    Artman, DrMole, cactus1 and 1 other person like this.
  8. 2saddleslab

    2saddleslab Supporting Member

    May 30, 2003
    Kentucky
    #15, no exceptions.
     
    SactoBass and Mr_Moo like this.
  9. Gizmot

    Gizmot

    Mar 22, 2009
    Nashville area
    Thanks for lifting my spirits and letting me know that I’m not too old to rock and roll.
     
    EatS1stBassist likes this.
  10. Another vote for #15. Any age, any show. And even the young 'uns in the band wear them.

    Think of going to your dentist's office; you get an x-ray, and the tech puts on a lead apron. Small amounts add up.
     
    Jim Carr, pellomoco14 and Mr_Moo like this.
  11. Helix

    Helix California U.S.A.

    May 29, 2015
    #35 you're proud to wear your AARP membership t-shirt on stage
     
  12. Pulverizor

    Pulverizor

    Jun 14, 2018
    New Zealand
    5. You love taking the elevator because you can sing along with most of your set-list. :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
     
    pellomoco14 likes this.
  13. Ric5

    Ric5 Supporting Member

    Jan 29, 2008
    Colorado
    these guys are in their 70s and still kicking butts

     
  14. Helix

    Helix California U.S.A.

    May 29, 2015
    #36. You always pick the side of the stage that's closest to the bathroom
     
  15. #36a - You have a looper pedal on your board so you CAN go to the bathroom.
     
    TolerancEJ, 1bassleft, rocu and 13 others like this.
  16. Blueinred

    Blueinred

    Mar 12, 2009
    Greater Cincy
    #37. You move to Ft. Myers, Fla. because at more than half of the music venues the gigs are from 6PM to 9:30PM.
     
    justjake, cactus1, Helix and 6 others like this.
  17. Or The Villages, where the potential for sex is better. :D
     
    cactus1, justjake, Shinbone and 5 others like this.
  18. juancaminos

    juancaminos Supporting Member

    May 30, 2003
    USA, Phoenix, AZ
    1, 8, 9, 24, 25 (weeks not days), 29, 32 & 34 (padded socks, in the diabetic area at Walgreens).
     
    Volker Kirstein likes this.
  19. Songs that allow this, are strategically distributed over the 2nd and 3rd sets.
     
  20. Nonsense. Young people wear reading glasses too! I've been using them since I was 40!
     
    seanm, EatS1stBassist, leto and 2 others like this.

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