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Yup, another what to do about my band thread

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by Turtle71, Oct 11, 2013.


  1. Turtle71

    Turtle71 Supporting Member

    Aug 11, 2009
    Madison, WI
    OK, so here we go…Sorry, it’s a long rant/story.
    I have been in many bands over the years, some just jam bands, and some that have recorded multiple albums & gigged regularly, I however have never been in a band where there is this much angst & drama…

    A little about the band, we are a 4 piece (drums, bass, guitar & vox). We play original music that is a toss up between metal & rock. We are all 40+ with the drummer being 50+.
    Here’s what we have going on….

    Problem #1 The drummer & I would like to add a second rhythm guitarist to help fill in the songs when the lead player goes off wanking. We first talked with the singer about our thoughts, and he was “on board” with the idea, and suggested we have a band meeting to hash out the concept & details.

    Said meeting happed, and the current guitar player couldn’t have been more against the concept, in fact he seemed down right offended that we’d even suggest such a thing, and to make matters worse, suddenly the singer wasn’t “on board” with the idea anymore either (singer & guitarist are long time friends)…Plus we rehearse at the guitarists house, so just bringing somebody over is impossible, and in my opinion, poor taste.

    I voiced my concerns, and was abruptly blown off…I swallowed my pride, and pushed forward.

    Problem #2 The drummer has repeatedly voiced his want to do songs that were more peppy & upbeat, I asked him to give some examples of what he was thinking…HELLO HAIR BANDS! Well, that is just NOT going to happen, I have no interest in that type/style nor does any other member of the band..so we shot him down, he swallowed his pride and pushed forward.

    Problem #3 The singer & guitarist are the primary song writers, the drummer & I obviously write our own parts, then we help with the final arrangements etc. The biggest problem is that when I toss out an idea for a verse or chorus etc. the guitarist starts with my concept, but by the time he’s done with it, it doesn’t even resemble the initial concept…I point that out, and I’m told “it sounds/works better this way”…well I guess that’s that then huh? Pride swallowed…moving on…Note: See Problem #1...I believe a second guitarist could bring new life into an otherwise stale writing situation.

    Problem #4 The singer has in the past, struggled with alcohol abuse, he’s worked hard to get it under control, but recently it’s been a problem again, he shows up buzzed and has a few beers with him, he often sounds awful…I try to point it out, as politely as I can (in private) but he doesn’t seem to think it’s a problem, the drummer has the same concern, yet our guitarist doesn’t seem to think it’s a problem.

    I’m more concerned about him as a friend, than a band mate…I don’t want to see him go down this road again, but I can’t really force him to change…all I can do if offer support should he ever need me.

    To sum it all up…I really like all of these guys on a personal level, and each one is truly a master of their respective crafts, however it seems that all we ever do is agree to disagree, and I believe it only results in sub par songs & wounded feelings.

    I believe the writing is on the wall for me, and it’s time to leave before I start breeding animosity towards any of these guys, and while I still have time to salvage any friendships…

    For those of you that have been in similar situations, what are your thoughts? Is this band irrevocably damaged?

    Or can it be saved? If so, how does one go about it?
     
  2. RustyAxe

    RustyAxe SUSPENDED

    Jul 8, 2008
    Connecticut
    Lessee ...

    • You can't agree about the make up of the band
    • You can't agree with the music to be played
    • You have no creative input
    • You have substance abuse issues in the band

    Is the writing any clearer? You don't say whether the band is making any money, and whether you NEED the money you make with it. Personally, I'd be scoping out new opportunities and jump when something promising comes up.
     
  3. No probably not. It sound like you just have the wrong combination of band mates and it’s only a matter of time before it all falls apart. Maybe see if you can bring in a keyboardist instead of a second guitar and see how that fly’s with your guitarist. Good luck.
     
  4. cableguy

    cableguy Supporting Member

    Jun 4, 2009
    North Bend, WA
    Agreeing to disagree can work only a few times before it just turns into conflict. Especially when it come to artistic vision. Many guitarist just can't co-exist with another guitarist, so that may be adding gas to the fire. Sounds like you may need to openly address your concerns one more time to the band. If things can't be agreed on, then politely give notice. Let them know why, & make sure you don't leave them screwed for any upcoming gigs. Then move on & be friends....
     
  5. Turtle71

    Turtle71 Supporting Member

    Aug 11, 2009
    Madison, WI
    Nope, no money, nor do I use music a source of income...We haven't even gigged yet, and at this point I doubt we'd even agree on where to gig...
     
  6. Turtle71

    Turtle71 Supporting Member

    Aug 11, 2009
    Madison, WI
    Which is what I was hoping to avoid...

    This....I just don't get it...Why?? Why can't guitarist get along?? If somebody suggested we should try two bass players, I'd be surprised, but hey...maybe it would be super cool, I'd at least give it a try.

    I think this is where I'm headed.
     
  7. Turtle71

    Turtle71 Supporting Member

    Aug 11, 2009
    Madison, WI
    This had been discussed, but there is a substantial shortage of available keyboardist in the area.

    When this whole debacle started we had a keyboardist, he showed up to exactly one rehearsal, and proceeded to play ridiculously simple one note synth sounds....THE WHOLE TIME...and it actually stepped all over the bass frequencies and made for a very confusing wall of thunder mud....
     
  8. Biggbass

    Biggbass

    Dec 14, 2011
    Planet Earth
    Its Always a hard decision when the clear path is obvious but reluctance to follow it is in the way.
     
  9. randyripoff

    randyripoff

    Jul 12, 2008
    Chicago
    You're not making any money, you don't seem to be getting much creative input into the band, and you're not having fun.

    Normally, I'm on the side of trying to work things out, but this one is pretty obvious. Maybe you like these guys a lot, but if's not worth it--you'd probably be happier just setting up a home studio and creating your own music by yourself.

    iow, if you're doing this primarily for fun, you're not having any. Make a change.
     
  10. Ego's.
     
  11. Turtle71

    Turtle71 Supporting Member

    Aug 11, 2009
    Madison, WI
    What an outstanding quote! Thanks!
     
  12. Turtle71

    Turtle71 Supporting Member

    Aug 11, 2009
    Madison, WI
    Yeah, I know...But it seems just ludicrous to allow your ego to get between good music, and the potential of great music...But I get what you're saying.

    I've been fortunate to be a part of some great 2 guitar bands over the years, but it seems to be a dying breed...at least around here.
     
  13. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    Minneapolis
    When it's not a gigging band, it's for fun, and to express creativity.

    So the only question is:

    Are you having fun, and are you expressing your creativity?
     
  14. RustyAxe

    RustyAxe SUSPENDED

    Jul 8, 2008
    Connecticut
    Yep, I can see that coming.
     
  15. Blueszilla

    Blueszilla Bassist ordinaire

    Apr 2, 2003
    The Duke City
    We all may have had the experience where being in a band is like being in a relationship. Really exciting at first, loads of possibilities, and shortcomings are overlooked or deemed insignificant. As time goes on those little imperfections seem to magnify to a point where they become bothersome, eventually they may undermine the whole relationship. Now, of course, some relationships last, they work out over long periods of time. IMO, most of the time these rare situations keep going because one or a few of the participants sacrifices for the good of the whole, mostly without the others even knowing.

    Perhaps you might be the one to do so, if it's worth it, or if not, then the course has been run.

    I know to say this is trite and worn out, but it's true: only you can decide. Also remember to separate your band mates as people from what they do. You can love the guys, and still not like what they do. Make sure that if you leave, they know it's not necessarily because of them, as much as what it is they are doing (or not doing). This lets you out of the situation without burning bridges. IMO, IME, YMMV, etc..
     
  16. Turtle71

    Turtle71 Supporting Member

    Aug 11, 2009
    Madison, WI
    Yeah, I believe my mind was already made up, prior to starting this thread...I guess I was just looking for possible solutions I hadn't thought of, or maybe ways of looking at the situation that I hadn't considered.

    This train came off the tracks months ago...I believe it's just now grinding to a stop...

    Thanks for the thoughts guys/girls!
     
  17. Turtle71

    Turtle71 Supporting Member

    Aug 11, 2009
    Madison, WI
    Well, the deed is done...I'm both bummed & relieved. :(

    But...these middle aged bones aren't quite done yet, time to start something new!!!! :hyper:

    I think I should buy a new pedal to celebrate...:D

    Thanks for the thoughts, support & the kick in the pants, I knew I could count on this forum :D
     
  18. Good luck turtle. Did the same thing a year ago. Walked away from a trio that included a friend of 35 years. For similar reasons.

    Since however, I have grown exponentially as a player in my current group. And was finally able to put an original song together that I wrote 2 years ago.
     
  19. Turtle71

    Turtle71 Supporting Member

    Aug 11, 2009
    Madison, WI
    Thanks!

    Yeah, One thing I did learn from this situation (one guitar band) is just how weak some of my chops are...nothing like having the guitar player head off into solo land, and have everybody look at you to pull the slack..Sometimes I could do it, sometimes not...definitely time to head to the woodshed...
     
  20. Blueszilla

    Blueszilla Bassist ordinaire

    Apr 2, 2003
    The Duke City
    One door closes, another one opens... A fresh start opens you up to all the possibilities. Good luck!
     

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