Finally...why am i not happy?

Typical front guy scenario. Live with it or find something else. I did it for 20 years in a very successful cover band that worked 3-4 nights a week, due largely to the guy's popularity. I wasn't about to turn down work like that because the guy's personality irked me. Sooner or later, you realize its a business, too, and if you depend on the money ( which was great ), you do what you have to do to keep it going.

 

I'd be willing to put up with an awful lot to be in your position. You've struggled through the revolving door thing and now appear to have a talented, motivated lineup. I think I'd step back and enjoy the ride. Is starting over with the revolving door a more attractive option?

 

There comes a point when...You chose to keep working because you need the money....
Or chose your own artistic freedom...and can support yourself financially through other means.

I am fortunate to now be in a place where I only play in situations where I love the music..

Ultimately...to all up and coming Bass players....Learn to sing...become the lead vocalist...and the world is your Oyster!

 

Bwawaahaha!

 

In order to be a frontman, you have to have a big head. In your mind everyone else is just there to serve you. Realize this and you'll be fine. If it gets too irritating, and it might, just pick up a mic stand and knock the bastage out.

 

Happens all the time if my band experiences are anything to go by.

You’ve met them. The kid with the best amp; the guy who owns the van or rehearsal space; the self-proclaimed guitar god who the ladies swoon over; the talented and lovely singer who’s a part time attention hound and and full time drama queen; the bandmate who “wrote” two and a half “originals” (trans: chord chart + lyrics) and arm twisted the band into playing them; the guy who “knows people” and manages to score the most gigs…all tend to emerge - or campaign to emerge - as the de facto BL.

That’s not a major problem unless they start throwing down “father knows best” on the rest of the band. And they invariably do. It’s only a matter of time.

I finally got around it with a 3-step process:

1. start your own band(s)
2. insist everyone stay exclusively focused on the music and the show
3. nip any alpha dog behavior or turf battles in the bud before they could become a problem
4. keep the band busy

Worked the charm. Lost some talented players in the process. But the band was always better off for it.

Note: item number 4 above is extremely important. Boredom is deadly. It’s like what happens when you put a highly trained company of combat soldiers on extended garrison duty. They get bored with drilling (i.e. rehearsing) and start fighting with each other. So do whatever you need to do in order to be regularly gigging or recording. Most people need to see tangible results in order to stay motivated and focused. Setting out on the open sea with no map or destination in mind is a sure fire prescription for disaster.

 

Many years ago, I was co-leading a 8-piece horn band. We hired a lead singer, who was VASTLY more talented vocally then the other singer and I. I greatly resented the fact that he took over half of the songs that I used to sing, even though he brought the group to an entirely different level. Better sound, better crowds, and a lot more interest in the band was the result of his involvement. He was only with us a couple of months when he was tragically killed in a automobile accident by a drunk driver. His passing effectively killed our band, and I felt like a total jerk for feeling the way that I had felt about him. We "soldiered" on for several more months before disbanding - none of us could get past the thought of him, and how he made us sound. I would suggest that you might think about the possibility that YOU are the problem. Like suggested in a previous post - lay back, and enjoy the ride. Good vocalists are hard to find - good luck !

 

Nope. Learn to let go. New singer is the face of the band and gets gigs. Sounds like you might be a tad jealous of the new singer's youth and exuberance. In my own experience, I'm content being a Bill Wyman while our Mick gets the recognition.

 

It looks as if you're looking for the Valhalla of playing situations, where all the music is beautiful and all the bandmates are best friends. That rarely happens; everything is a compromise. It reminds me of some of the best advice I ever got in college, nearly 50 years ago. In an informal hallway chat, my creative writing professor said, "Bob, stop looking for the ideal community. There's only one, and you have to die to get there."

 

Man, that is a tough one. Sorry to hear that. Sounds like you had a really fun couple of months, at least.

And as you and others have suggested, it can be really hard to find a good singer. The prog/fusion band I'm in has been looking for a vocalist for ages. We have finally found somebody, and she has great pitch, charisma, can also play keys and seems to have zero ego. I am really hoping that our search is over.

 

Unfortunately, people suck. Any organization has growing pains, and everybody has there own idea how things should be. As Mike57 says, this sounds like a typical cover gig, and you need to decide if that is what you want to do or not.....

 

PR is a skill. Networking is a skill. I am not sure why this is a problem. The role of the bassist is typically that of sideman; unless you are very skillful at working a crowd from the stage, and your "front person" is not, this is not normally seen as a problem.

I have great fronting skills but I defer to the LS as much as possible, depending on which band I'm in. In my pre-Covid band I worked with a fabulous singer who just didn't have a lot of skill in that area, so he would sing and I would step up to the mic for some of the other stuff as needed, but I never wanted to "outshine" that guy and was always sensitive to not cross a line and to keep it respectful and friendly.

You have a good singer, and they are rare as hen's teeth. The singer wants to book shows and have some input on what he's going to sing well. It doesn't sound like an insurmountable problem to me. Count your blessings, relax, and have fun with it.

 

Are you sure about this...?

 

Yep classic lead singeritis.

 

you've stated that several times! i'm glad you posted this, but i'm even more glad that you've gotten some great feedback! if you change your perspective (just a little bit) you have a wonderful opportunity in front of you. there are lots of times in life when we're better off 'letting go' of our feelings of ownership.*

i'd let some of this "thread perspective" sink in --- best of luck with your band!


* almost always a delusion!

 

I have been prioritizing my own portability over everything else for the past 20 years, and it makes it a lot easier to bail on projects that appear to be heading in the wrong direction without worrying about the time I’ve already invested.

 

When in similar situations history of behavior would have me adopting a " let's see what happens" attitude. Shortly after that, it would be "eyes and ears.wide open, mouth way shut" as I viewed my planned exit options.

I was the founding member in a band. The drummer wanted some control and ended up being the BL. The pressure was off me, and it worked out great.

 

If that’s the case then I’d respectfully submit your band had already effectively died the day he joined it. Because however else he might have left the band - tragically as it turned out - or in the more usual way of someone moving on to other things, the band’s clock was already ticking.

My condolences either way. Sorry his departure had to happen in such an awful fashion. That only makes it that much worse.

 

Just roll with the changes and keep the fire burnin’

 

Sounds like a hostile takeover to me. But like some more have said, it doesn't necessarily sound like a bad thing.

You better make sure you have your chops together. This singer might have a bass player friend!