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Finally...why am i not happy?

#41
Typical front guy scenario. Live with it or find something else. I did it for 20 years in a very successful cover band that worked 3-4 nights a week, due largely to the guy's popularity. I wasn't about to turn down work like that because the guy's personality irked me. Sooner or later, you realize its a business, too, and if you depend on the money ( which was great ), you do what you have to do to keep it going.
 
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#43
There comes a point when...You chose to keep working because you need the money....
Or chose your own artistic freedom...and can support yourself financially through other means.

I am fortunate to now be in a place where I only play in situations where I love the music..

Ultimately...to all up and coming Bass players....Learn to sing...become the lead vocalist...and the world is your Oyster!
 
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#46
Happens all the time if my band experiences are anything to go by.

You’ve met them. The kid with the best amp; the guy who owns the van or rehearsal space; the self-proclaimed guitar god who the ladies swoon over; the talented and lovely singer who’s a part time attention hound and and full time drama queen; the bandmate who “wrote” two and a half “originals” (trans: chord chart + lyrics) and arm twisted the band into playing them; the guy who “knows people” and manages to score the most gigs…all tend to emerge - or campaign to emerge - as the de facto BL.

That’s not a major problem unless they start throwing down “father knows best” on the rest of the band. And they invariably do. It’s only a matter of time.

I finally got around it with a 3-step process:
  1. start your own band(s)
  2. insist everyone stay exclusively focused on the music and the show
  3. nip any alpha dog behavior or turf battles in the bud before they could become a problem
  4. keep the band busy
Worked the charm. Lost some talented players in the process. But the band was always better off for it.

Note: item number 4 above is extremely important. Boredom is deadly. It’s like what happens when you put a highly trained company of combat soldiers on extended garrison duty. They get bored with drilling (i.e. rehearsing) and start fighting with each other. So do whatever you need to do in order to be regularly gigging or recording. Most people need to see tangible results in order to stay motivated and focused. Setting out on the open sea with no map or destination in mind is a sure fire prescription for disaster.
 
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#47
Many years ago, I was co-leading a 8-piece horn band. We hired a lead singer, who was VASTLY more talented vocally then the other singer and I. I greatly resented the fact that he took over half of the songs that I used to sing, even though he brought the group to an entirely different level. Better sound, better crowds, and a lot more interest in the band was the result of his involvement. He was only with us a couple of months when he was tragically killed in a automobile accident by a drunk driver. His passing effectively killed our band, and I felt like a total jerk for feeling the way that I had felt about him. We "soldiered" on for several more months before disbanding - none of us could get past the thought of him, and how he made us sound. I would suggest that you might think about the possibility that YOU are the problem. Like suggested in a previous post - lay back, and enjoy the ride. Good vocalists are hard to find - good luck !
 
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#48
john_g said:
After 3 years of a revolving door of drummers and singers, we have finally put together a very talented cover band. New singer is a PR machine and knows all the contact people at venues and has got us a bunch of gigs set up already. Played our first and people were really complimentary.

Still...im not all that happy. It was great to gig again after COVID and I look forward to the others on the schedule, but its starting to feel like we are becoming the singers backup band. Me and guitarist kept this going for almost 3 years and truth be told, him and I have had several disagreements over that time. He can be difficult at times to work with and Im not even sure how i got this far in a band with him. We get along most of the time but he has surgically attached his lips to the singer buttocks since he can get gigs and hes a good singer. Drummer is new to the cover band world so he generally goes along with consensus.

I just see the singer slowly taking everything over with the guitarist in tow and Im not loving it. Im trying to be a team player so I have put in my opinions in a constructive way when I thought appropriate, but singer is a bit of a know it all when it comes to bands. Ive been playing and in bands longer than hes been alive and I dont agree with alot of his direction. I dont need or want to be in charge, but I have alot of experience to draw from, but its feeling like "singer knows best".

I plan on playing the rest of the gigs for sure, but it just stinks that we have a great band but Im not happy. Anyone else experience this?
Click to expand...

Nope. Learn to let go. New singer is the face of the band and gets gigs. Sounds like you might be a tad jealous of the new singer's youth and exuberance. In my own experience, I'm content being a Bill Wyman while our Mick gets the recognition.
 
#49
john_g said:
After 3 years of a revolving door of drummers and singers, we have finally put together a very talented cover band. New singer is a PR machine and knows all the contact people at venues and has got us a bunch of gigs set up already. Played our first and people were really complimentary.

Still...im not all that happy. It was great to gig again after COVID and I look forward to the others on the schedule, but its starting to feel like we are becoming the singers backup band. Me and guitarist kept this going for almost 3 years and truth be told, him and I have had several disagreements over that time. He can be difficult at times to work with and Im not even sure how i got this far in a band with him. We get along most of the time but he has surgically attached his lips to the singer buttocks since he can get gigs and hes a good singer. Drummer is new to the cover band world so he generally goes along with consensus.

I just see the singer slowly taking everything over with the guitarist in tow and Im not loving it. Im trying to be a team player so I have put in my opinions in a constructive way when I thought appropriate, but singer is a bit of a know it all when it comes to bands. Ive been playing and in bands longer than hes been alive and I dont agree with alot of his direction. I dont need or want to be in charge, but I have alot of experience to draw from, but its feeling like "singer knows best".

I plan on playing the rest of the gigs for sure, but it just stinks that we have a great band but Im not happy. Anyone else experience this?
Click to expand...

It looks as if you're looking for the Valhalla of playing situations, where all the music is beautiful and all the bandmates are best friends. That rarely happens; everything is a compromise. It reminds me of some of the best advice I ever got in college, nearly 50 years ago. In an informal hallway chat, my creative writing professor said, "Bob, stop looking for the ideal community. There's only one, and you have to die to get there."
 
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#50
braud357 said:
Many years ago, I was co-leading a 8-piece horn band. We hired a lead singer, who was VASTLY more talented vocally then the other singer and I. I greatly resented the fact that he took over half of the songs that I used to sing, even though he brought the group to an entirely different level. Better sound, better crowds, and a lot more interest in the band was the result of his involvement. He was only with us a couple of months when he was tragically killed in a automobile accident by a drunk driver. His passing effectively killed our band, and I felt like a total jerk for feeling the way that I had felt about him. We "soldiered" on for several more months before disbanding - none of us could get past the thought of him, and how he made us sound. I would suggest that you might think about the possibility that YOU are the problem. Like suggested in a previous post - lay back, and enjoy the ride. Good vocalists are hard to find - good luck !
Click to expand...

Man, that is a tough one. Sorry to hear that. Sounds like you had a really fun couple of months, at least.

And as you and others have suggested, it can be really hard to find a good singer. The prog/fusion band I'm in has been looking for a vocalist for ages. We have finally found somebody, and she has great pitch, charisma, can also play keys and seems to have zero ego. I am really hoping that our search is over.
 
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#52
PR is a skill. Networking is a skill. I am not sure why this is a problem. The role of the bassist is typically that of sideman; unless you are very skillful at working a crowd from the stage, and your "front person" is not, this is not normally seen as a problem.

I have great fronting skills but I defer to the LS as much as possible, depending on which band I'm in. In my pre-Covid band I worked with a fabulous singer who just didn't have a lot of skill in that area, so he would sing and I would step up to the mic for some of the other stuff as needed, but I never wanted to "outshine" that guy and was always sensitive to not cross a line and to keep it respectful and friendly.

You have a good singer, and they are rare as hen's teeth. The singer wants to book shows and have some input on what he's going to sing well. It doesn't sound like an insurmountable problem to me. Count your blessings, relax, and have fun with it.
 
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#53
john_g said:
After 3 years of a revolving door of drummers and singers, we have finally put together a very talented cover band. New singer is a PR machine and knows all the contact people at venues and has got us a bunch of gigs set up already. Played our first and people were really complimentary.

Still...im not all that happy. It was great to gig again after COVID and I look forward to the others on the schedule, but its starting to feel like we are becoming the singers backup band. Me and guitarist kept this going for almost 3 years and truth be told, him and I have had several disagreements over that time. He can be difficult at times to work with and Im not even sure how i got this far in a band with him. We get along most of the time but he has surgically attached his lips to the singer buttocks since he can get gigs and hes a good singer. Drummer is new to the cover band world so he generally goes along with consensus.

I just see the singer slowly taking everything over with the guitarist in tow and Im not loving it. Im trying to be a team player so I have put in my opinions in a constructive way when I thought appropriate, but singer is a bit of a know it all when it comes to bands. Ive been playing and in bands longer than hes been alive and I dont agree with alot of his direction. I dont need or want to be in charge, but I have alot of experience to draw from, but its feeling like "singer knows best".

I plan on playing the rest of the gigs for sure, but it just stinks that we have a great band but Im not happy. Anyone else experience this?
Click to expand...
john_g said:
I dont need or want to be in charge
Click to expand...

Are you sure about this...?
 
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#55
john_g said:
Im not happy
Click to expand...
you've stated that several times! :D i'm glad you posted this, but i'm even more glad that you've gotten some great feedback! if you change your perspective (just a little bit) you have a wonderful opportunity in front of you. there are lots of times in life when we're better off 'letting go' of our feelings of ownership.*

i'd let some of this "thread perspective" sink in --- best of luck with your band! :thumbsup:


* almost always a delusion!
 
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#57
When in similar situations history of behavior would have me adopting a " let's see what happens" attitude. Shortly after that, it would be "eyes and ears.wide open, mouth way shut" as I viewed my planned exit options.

I was the founding member in a band. The drummer wanted some control and ended up being the BL. The pressure was off me, and it worked out great.
 
#58
braud357 said:
We "soldiered" on for several more months before disbanding - none of us could get past the thought of him, and how he made us sound.
Click to expand...

If that’s the case then I’d respectfully submit your band had already effectively died the day he joined it. Because however else he might have left the band - tragically as it turned out - or in the more usual way of someone moving on to other things, the band’s clock was already ticking.

My condolences either way. Sorry his departure had to happen in such an awful fashion. That only makes it that much worse.
 
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