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Having 4 parents.

M

MuinXing

Aug 24, 2012
21
0
#1
Alright I know this is kind of a silly idea.

We all know for better or worst having two parents splitting the role of raising a child is best for all parties involved.

Here's my question. Does it make it much easier when there's two couples(child from a previous marriage), raising a child.

I.E. Each parent spends 1 out of 4 days with the kid.

I know of course this is a unorthodox question, but I had to I want because I want more time for playing bass:bassist
 
#2
In my experience with my own son absolutely not. He is 7 years old and his mother and I get along pretty darn well and he still has troubles with it. we've been split up for 5 years now. Her and I obviously love him unconditionally and our respective fiance's love him as well. he still questions it frequently, says he wishes just him mommy daddy Ryan and Gabriel could go live somewhere together. Ryan and Gabriel being his half brother on his moms side and half brother on his dads side, respectively. Excluding his step brother and sister at his mom's house and the fiances. He has anger issues and his therapist believes the split is a root of a lot of that. Although that could be an easy cop out.
 
#4
DwaynieAD said:
In my experience with my own son absolutely not. He is 7 years old and his mother and I get along pretty darn well and he still has troubles with it. we've been split up for 5 years now. Her and I obviously love him unconditionally and our respective fiance's love him as well. he still questions it frequently, says he wishes just him mommy daddy Ryan and Gabriel could go live somewhere together. Ryan and Gabriel being his half brother on his moms side and half brother on his dads side, respectively. Excluding his step brother and sister at his mom's house and the fiances. He has anger issues and his therapist believes the split is a root of a lot of that. Although that could be an easy cop out.
Click to expand...

A therapist at 7? Wow. Is that usual over there? Not meaning to sound judgemental or anything, just genuinely curious.
 
#5
MuinXing said:
Alright I know this is kind of a silly idea.

We all know for better or worst having two parents splitting the role of raising a child is best for all parties involved.

Here's my question. Does it make it much easier when there's two couples(child from a previous marriage), raising a child.

I.E. Each parent spends 1 out of 4 days with the kid.

I know of course this is a unorthodox question, but I had to I want because I want more time for playing bass:bassist
Click to expand...

Being a parent puts everything else second. Everything.

However, I cannot speak for how step-parents might feel. But if you are in a relationship with children involved, you should still accept that there are responsibilities that come with this, otherwise, why hook up with someone who already has kids?
 
#6
DwaynieAD said:
In my experience with my own son absolutely not. He is 7 years old and his mother and I get along pretty darn well and he still has troubles with it. we've been split up for 5 years now. Her and I obviously love him unconditionally and our respective fiance's love him as well. he still questions it frequently, says he wishes just him mommy daddy Ryan and Gabriel could go live somewhere together. Ryan and Gabriel being his half brother on his moms side and half brother on his dads side, respectively. Excluding his step brother and sister at his mom's house and the fiances. He has anger issues and his therapist believes the split is a root of a lot of that. Although that could be an easy cop out.
Click to expand...
Do the three kids stay together?

My friend grew up in a similar environment, only the three brothers saw themselves as full blood brothers. Despite the fact 2 weren't related by blood.


On a side note never trust a shrink with a kid, if their making money from it. It's financially a very explotive situation.
 
#9
Tituscrow said:
A therapist at 7? Wow. Is that usual over there? Not meaning to sound judgemental or anything, just genuinely curious.
Click to expand...

he was fighting with everyone in both households and we just didn't know what to do.

it's helped a lot.

seemed odd to me at first, but positive reinforcement yielded no results, negative reinforcement yielded no results.

MuinXing said:
On a side note never trust a shrink with a kid, if their making money from it. It's financially a very explotive situation.
Click to expand...

Don't get what I said twisted. I was stating that I don't necessarily believe her reason he's acting up. The fact is he is behaving much better.
 
#10
Wow...really? Stability and consistency is key. There is neither with 4 parents. Not really.

More is not always better.

Ego is bad when it involves kids, parents, and the custody battles.

If playing the bass is more important than one's child, or one is seeking justification to spend less time with their child(ren) so they can pursue recreational activities, there are major problems. Maybe that parent shouldn't be a parent; giving up custody to a proper parental unit, with proper priorities, may be a wise choice.
 
#11
MuinXing said:
How so?

My experience is that the majority of the problems comes from the childish action of the parents in these situations, and rarely the situation itself.
Click to expand...

Please describe your extensive experience with this.

And suggesting that selfishness is the problem, when you say that you want this so that you can spend more time playing bass...Really?
 
#12
Tituscrow said:
A therapist at 7? Wow. Is that usual over there? Not meaning to sound judgemental or anything, just genuinely curious.
Click to expand...

A good friend of mine had his parents split up at age 7, and he started showing anger issues & poor emotional control.
I believe the school might have sent him to counseling.
I dont think thats the norm, however.
 
#13
AaronMB said:
Wow...really? Stability and consistency is key. There is neither with 4 parents. Not really.

More is not always better.

Ego is bad when it involves kids, parents, and the custody battles.

If playing the bass is more important than one's child, or one is seeking justification to spend less time with their child(ren) so they can pursue recreational activities, there are major problems. Maybe that parent shouldn't be a parent; giving up custody to a proper parental unit, with proper priorities, may be a wise choice.
Click to expand...

The bass playing bit was more or less a joke. My question arose from talking to people about the way in which a nuclear family causes dysfunctional parenting especially in a time when working 9-5 isn't the norm.

In my experience the bigger the extended family the better ones childhood. I was raised in part by my aunt and uncle and grandmother. Me and my cousin rotated between homes on the weekends so we didn't face the problem of being an only child, while my dad grandmother and mother spent time with during the week.

Granted that's not exactly what were talking about, but I have several friends, who grew up in situations with two sets of parents, and they found it much better.

Consistency is easier than one would think. Especially if the responsibility is shared among two homes that are both close in geography and layout.

The ego thing is a problem regardless if one is raised among a nuclear family or any other kind.
 
#14
My oldest daughter (14) is in a 4-parent situation. I am re-married, and so is my test-wife. My daughter spends time at both houses each week. There have been times when she has said that she wishes that her mom and I were still together, and that going back and forth is stressful for her, but that has mostly calmed down over the last couple of years.

These days, the biggest challenge is how the changing house schedule affects her ability to spend time with her friends. Her mother lives closer to the geographical center of her social world, and has closer relationships with the parents of her friends. With the exception of an occasional friend coming to hang out, coming to my house generally limits her social outlet to only digital means.

I don't know how this situation is going to affect her long-term, but she seems to have accepted it as how her life is pretty well. It helped when she started having friends who were in similar situations and had someone to relate to in that regard.

When she is at our house, she is not treated as a visitor, but as an equal member of our family and is expected to participate in family activities and chores the same as her (half) sister. At her mom's house, she is the only child.
 
#15
If you think 4 adults can remain respectful of each other, and each other's "shared" authority for the duration of the child's upbringing, I think you're nuts, and more than a little naive. All it takes is 1 difference of opinion for the whole thing to unravel.
 
#18
MuinXing said:
The bass playing bit was more or less a joke. My question arose from talking to people about the way in which a nuclear family causes dysfunctional parenting especially in a time when working 9-5 isn't the norm.

In my experience the bigger the extended family the better ones childhood. I was raised in part by my aunt and uncle and grandmother. Me and my cousin rotated between homes on the weekends so we didn't face the problem of being an only child, while my dad grandmother and mother spent time with during the week.

Granted that's not exactly what were talking about, but I have several friends, who grew up in situations with two sets of parents, and they found it much better.

Consistency is easier than one would think. Especially if the responsibility is shared among two homes.

The ego thing is a problem regardless if one is raised among a nuclear family or any other kind.
Click to expand...

I too come from a large family, but don't mistake spending time with other parental figures for having 4 parents. It's not the same thing.
 
#19
HaMMerHeD said:
If you think 4 adults can remain respectful of each other, and each other's "shared" authority for the duration of the child's upbringing, I think you're nuts, and more than a little naive. All it takes is 1 difference of opinion for the whole thing to unravel.
Click to expand...

Please explain where this dramatic difference didn't creep up between my aunt uncle, parents and grandmother. :rollno:
 
#20
MatticusMania said:
A good friend of mine had his parents split up at age 7, and he started showing anger issues & poor emotional control.
I believe the school might have sent him to counseling.
I dont think thats the norm, however.
Click to expand...

Meh a large part of that is bickering between parents, and the exposure to the financial pressures caused by divorced.


There's nothing worst than a parent who attacks the other parents in front of the child. It's basically attacking the child itself, as they aren't old enough to have their own identity separate from their parent..
 

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