Have you ever been stabbed in the back by your bandmates?

Two years ago I was approached by this girl, who I knew to be an excellent singer. She had teamed up with this guitar player and they were putting together a band. They had a handful of songs. Even better, they were playing with an old drummer of mine.

We do the rehearsal thing for a few months. They take the music from a couple of my songs and put words to them. They wanted to record over the summer, but I was going to California for 2 months. I told them to record stuff and send it to me and I'll send over some rough bass parts and record the masters when I get back.

While I was getting ready to leave, the singer kept putting off rehearsals and while I was gone I get a message from the drummer to the tune of me being fired. Apparently I wasn't committed enough because I was going to California. He actually got canned as well for arguing it out with them about their decision to let me go. Then the percussionist left because they fired the rest of the rhythm section. Hysterical.

They ended up getting a replacement drummer and bass player and started gigging about a month after I got back.

While I'm not sad I got the boot, since bands come and go, I was upset that I was friends with the singer beforehand and they didn't even have the guts to tell me I was fired. I totally would have understood if they thought me going to Cali was an issue when they wanted to get the ball rolling, but they could have at least gave me a heads up.

 

^ +1 for having the drummer back you up.
This thread is awesome and highly.. 'Educational'.

 

2 specific situations stand out in my long career in bands.

1) Drummer of 2 years in one band in 1992 decided to have an affair with my girlfriend when she and I went through a bit of a separation period. I almost killed him when I found out, so I got the boot from that band.

2) Bassist and rythym guitar in my next band in 1994 (I was lead guitar at the time) didn't think our drummer was good enough and wanted to replace him. I said no. During a recording session the two of them were gossiping with each other about the subject in the main booth of the studio whilst the drummer was laying down some bed tracks. Trouble is... they had left the mixing console return mic button on. i.e.; the drummer heard every word of their conversation through his headphones. Long story short, he left during a lunchbreak and never came back. I fired both of those idiots the next day. No place for dissention in a band I'm leading.

 

Years ago,I was in my 2nd band, back when I was just doing vocals. Put, together by the bassist and I. The bassist and I worked at the same place (advertising agency), I got him the job there. Anyway, we were a four piece, Vocals, bass, drums, and guitar.
At work, a new girl starts. Reasonably attractive, huge rack, says she sings. We approach her with idea of singing back-ups for us as the back-ups we had going, weren't that good.
For a few weeks practices go pretty good. She seems to be working out fine. Everyone is happy. So I go to practice one day, and the guitarist and bassist meet me out in front of the building. I am informed that She is now the lead vocals. And they, (including Her), BEG me, to stay on,.....as thier manager! BS!! I about went ballistic! BS! Had 2 or 3 years invested in this thing, and BAM!!! Horemones and chubbies weeded me out just like that.
I got over it and moved on. Remained friends with all involved. Watched as they turned into a Fleetwood Mac cover band for the most part. The lead guitarist and the singer got married. But she was also the bass players girlfriend for a while. Even after she was married. The guitarist and her are still married with a 8 yr old kid. The bass player is a smack junkie now. I have no idea what ever became of the drummer. Called the guitarist the other day about 10:00 am, as we were supposed to go somewhere together. Woke him up, said he couldn't go, as the wife wasn't home. She had went out drinking the night before, and never came home! He didn't even seem to care!!! Like that happens all the time!!!
Ha, see where kicking me out got ya.
BOOYaah!

 

Okay, I'll relate a tale:

I played in a sometimes covers, sometimes original band with steady gigs that paid reasonably from 2006-2009. The band had been playing local dinner/dance cruises, dinner theater shows, corporate parties, and the occasional stint at a bar, mostly covers with about a dozen originals interspersed. I played strictly bass in this band, no vocals, no flash at all really, just pocket groove and know the notes.

About 3 years in, in early 2009, I started looking around to put together a band of my own so that I could write some originals and have more input (the other band allowed me to write musically, but the lyrics were strictly handled by the vocalist.) Also around the same time a new guy started at the studio the keyboardist taught at that plays bass, keys, guitar, violin, cello, etc. The other bassist started sitting in a good bit at the open mic that we ran as a band, and he started filling in on Saturday afternoon gigs that work kept me from. Eventually, I got a call on a Sunday morning not to worry about coming to practice that afternoon as I'm out of the band. I wasn't given specific details aside from "Some of the guys find that you're too confrontational."

I'm actually a relatively laid back guy (I can recall raising my voice once in 2012, as an example), so most of my friends, including those from the band who I'm still friends with found the "confrontational" title hilarious. I've kept in touch with a few of them, mainly the keyboardist and the bassist that replaced me as well as the guitarist sparingly, I went on to form an originals band with a friend from the open mic and the "stunt drummer" and hand percussionist from that band, who would fill in on set when the main drummer and sub were both unavailable. We're going into the studio tomorrow to start laying down some tracks, and the bassist who replaced me will be laying some cello and violin for us, as well as the keyboardist laying down some keys and trumpet.

 

Happens to us all man..
Me and my band all had rehearsals in our drummers garage. We played together for around a year, doing gigs here and there (Nothing big, to tell the truth we kinda of sucked).
Invested some money buying equipment for recording and dedicated lots of my time to write lyrics/music.
We then all decide to transform the garage into a studio by isolating the walls and all that so that we could record an EP.

It was suppose to take a month to build all that and every week i would ask the drummer "So, you need help this weekend? When can we rehearse?".
Time passed and me and the guitarist began to suspect something strange was happening...
Well, it seems the drummer decided to find new guys without telling us anything and were playing together for 2 months now.
We finally found out when they decided to put a video on youtube of their cover and thanks to facebook we saw it.
I then confronted him and he said that we didn't talk to him and he tough that we didn't want to continue so he got a new band. Remember that i asked him EVERY WEEK when was the job done and when could we rehearse.
He then asked me if i wanted to play bass in their band has they were lacking one. I just laugh hard in his face and told him to continue playing Smells Like Teen Spirit and good luck with the new guys that i was not going to play with an ass.
We are now looking for a drummer (its not easy here in Portugal) and lets see where this goes

 

One time this dreamer burnout goofball singer invited me over to his house to talk about getting something together and show me some lyrics...his girlfriend was there and she was unbelievably fine, but a drug mess...which at that time in my life made her ever finer. He stepped out for some "more" and I nailed her while he was gone. Wasn't my fault, just couldn't help myself. Does this count since we were never in a band together?

 

No, but I got stabbed in the leg by a drummer once.

 

In retrospect, I should have quit a few months before I did.

Besides hoping that things would get better once we had a stable line up, I also knew it would be hard to find another band working at that level we were as far as the venues and the pay. At the time, we usually got $600 for bar/club gigs and we were dipping our toes into the private/corporate party market.

 

stabbed in the back? Heck, yeah!! Musicians, and especially those who fashion themselves as lead singers, are notorious for being lying snakes. Get used to it. Gotta develop a thick skin to stick with most bands. One band replaced me when I went on a one-week vacation. Another one? Secretly trying out bassists behind my back. My sin? Daring to question the lead singer on anything.

Neither of those bands exist now. I'm playing in a band that does fly-in's, including international shows and having a ball. So who was the loser in the end? Me? Not hardly.

and in my current situation, I have had to put up with a lot of lies and BS just to stick with the band and the 3 others that I DO like. And I developed a new stubbornness. I will never give any @ss-hat the satisfaction of quitting due to BS. I will be there until THEY leave or the band implodes! LOL

if there's anything I've learned it's this -- I play for me and me only. I try to not get too "involved" with the other band members, look for their approval, or get too emotionally attached to any band situation. They are all too fragile and if you adopt those attitudes, you are bound to be disappointed or hurt. So screw it. I do it for me. For fun. For the $. I carry my weight. I promote the band. I always show up on time and prepared. I work hard on the music on my own. But I maintain more of a detachment from the band.

 

Big +1

I have sensed a "Why don't you just quit" vibe before, but I decided a long time ago that I'm not going to quit a situation I like just because someone wants me to. Either I quit on my own terms, for my own reasons, or you're going to have to fire me. And I think that developing a good sense of what you want, and where you're at, helps you not only avoid being fired but also avoid being stabbed in the back... i.e., learn to get out before that happens.

QORC, I always enjoy reading your posts about being in a successful, touring cover band. Man... sounds like a blast.

 

it's been a ride! We just got another international booking. This one in March. How cool, huh?

But this band is not without it's stresses and difficulties however. I also learned back in a previous band that you have to be careful what you post on this board. 6 years ago, a fellow "member" here ratted me out to my drummer (whom I hated and was complaining about) based on what I wrote here. I wanted to quit anyway (mostly because of having to deal with a ****** drummer), but it made things ugly when I did quit. I had already been auditioning with other bands.

If I used this place like a personal journal, the same thing would happen. It's a shame I can't really vent about some of the crap that happens.

so while I sometimes paint a rosie picture of life in a touring tribute band, know that I can't write half of what I'm really thinking either!

But I hear ya! Do things on your own terms. Don't let people bully you into quitting or destroy your self-esteem. I refuse to let that happen any more.

 

I find that distancing myself from band members is actually why I get along with everyone and never have to deal with pololtics or drama.

Blue

 

it took me 20 years to learn this hard-lesson, and it applies to both the "professional" world and the "band" world. PEOPLE LIKE TO PLAY GAMES. I still do not know why, but damn if they don't. I am currently unemployed and interviewing for jobs, and several times, I go to interview for a job that is described as ONE thing, get there, and they WANT something totally different... just STUPID, Dumb-as$ game playing. Bands are the same way... and I'll be damned if these game players aren't guys for the msot part, must be some regressive power trip BS going on...

 

Getting along with someone and band drama do not form a causal chain however (IME it's on the contrary actually). If some troublemaker has ego issues it probably won't matter to them anyway... At least in my band the two potential drama sources are, who would have guessed, the two people with the most emotional distance between them.

 

Thirty years ago, I played bass in a 6 piece Country "show" band. We had a house gig at a very popular dance hall that was 6 nights a week, 6 sets a night. Each band member made $600.00 per week ($100. per night).
After we had played there for a year, we found out that the lead singer/frontman (who got the money each week from the bar owner and distributed it among the band) had been skimming $100.00 per week. (We found out the band was actually making $3,700. per week instead of $3,600.)
When I asked him "why?", he replied that, "I thought I deserved it and besides, it is only $100.00 per week." To which I replied, "Well, that is only $5,200.00 this past year......"(Remember that this was 1983 money too.)

Jaws dropped among the other band members and we broke up a month later. We had an absolute killer band and to this day I wish the frontman had simply told us going in to the gig that he wanted to make the extra money. We all probably would have gone along with it at the time too. But for him to hide it from the rest of us really hurt each of us and the trust was gone. Prior to that gig, we had always split everything equally.

 

No, I dont allow my band access to sharp objects.

 

RE: TX BASSER's Post:
We play a regular gig once every couple of months at a local venue where the payout split between the six of us leaves an add'l $50 leftover. So, instead of splitting up that extra $50 bucks we rotate giving the $50 to each band member throughout the year. It works for us.

 

Stabbed in the back? Maybe not... but here's my experience - it's nice to vent it.

After being in my first serious band about 3 years, all of our profits went straight back into equipment which the bl kept. We were turning down lots of gigs/not playing much and we had just had one gig of ours where all of the equipment was working pretty well - and did not give us any major problems. Well after that gig, and after turning down some great opportunities, the bl wife )also in the band) wanted to buy more equipment. I finally told them that I'd rather be cashed out and ooooooo boy..... did they ever have a problem with that. Accused me of "only being in it for the money". (Yeah, a whopping $60 x4 yearly, half of which went on gas.... thaaaaaaanks a lot!) Finally did get cashed out - and then I left. I was really amazed that they would sink that low. Drummer was on my side and likely one singer, too.... but.... still.

Tried working on an originals project .... the girl didn't know which chords she was playing. So after working out bass lines for her stuff - she told me she was going to record with other musicians more known in this area, but that I could play live. So why am I working on your project when you're only going to have others record?