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Avoid Iceland this coming weekend

#21
I saw her act at Giants stadium during one of those mega charity concerts.

Apocalypse%2BNow%2BBrando%2Bthe%2Bhorror.jpg


The horror... the horror...
 
#37
Skitch it! said:
Fill me in on the theory if you will, I'm interested, please indulge, Lovecraft?
Click to expand...

Ok well pretty much what happened was it went down like this. By the way, this is 100% factually accurate, and anyone whose actually talked to either Satan or C'thulu will tell you this is true. I managed to find C'thulu while I was tripping acid on South Beach at Ultra in 2007. He was actually a pleasant guy, little chip on his shoulder, but who can't relate if he'd just gone through what I'm about to tell you.

It all went down like this, some blustery evening in Hell in 1964...

C'thulu and Lucifer were playing a high stakes game of Texas Hold'em for control of hell and all the evil spirits in the world. Now, C'thulu didn't like the Beatles very much, as they were from the UK, and well let's be honest, everyone knows C'thulu is just spiteful as all hell, especially since that 8th grade boarding school dance when the exchange student from London stood him up.

So anyway, they're playing a game of Poker, and all of a sudden the guy on the radio (Satan's radio coincidentally, since it was his house) says that for the next hour they'll be playing The best of the Beatles (I know, The Beatles on a Hell based radio station, but Satan gets Sirius). C'thulu, in a fit of rage, fueled by a few bad hands and one too many Bud Lights, decides to go all in with a 5, 6 suited of clubs. Satan calls, cause he's sitting on the big stack and he's got Pocket 7s. Flop comes, and it's a 4, a 2, and a 7. Turn comes and it's a 3. C'thulu's sitting on a straight now, and starts gloating to Satan about it. Well the river comes and, you guessed it, another 7 (Ironic he won with lucky number 7 instead of his standard lucky hand, which is trip 6s, but hey, whatcha gonna do?). So Satan is now officially the one who controls hell and evil spirits and shiznit like that. Well, C'thulu's pretty pissed about this, seeing as he's all "I'm an ancient God and I was here before time was time and light was light and blah blah." Satan was just like, dude stfu and lose like a man.

So anyways. C'thulu, now with really just nothing but an assload of time on his hands, decides to take out his revenge on John Lennon. So he hatches a clever plan, and kidnaps Richard Nixon, takes his form, and takes office. He did think it was weird no one noticed ANYTHING though. In any case, he hatches this "enemies list" deal as a cover up for what he was planning with Lennon. After contacting Yoko at an "Avant Garde Art Recital", and recognizing that she spoke, and actually performed in his native tongue, they immediately hit it off. So he let her know what the deal was, and she set to work. So she got Married to Lennon and convinced him that she was really awesome (how I'm not sure, probably a lot of whipped cream, honey, and maybe some herbal incense and possibly some booze). So anyways, she then began to constantly receive orders from C'thulu and send him updates via her "performances" with the Beatles. Finally C'thulu, using Nixon's power as president, and being the evil genius he was, found that Campell guy. So he put Yoko in touch with him, and they set the whole thing up.

Afterward, C'thulu, now pleased with exacting his so-called revenge on Satan (who at this time had buried the hatchet with God and was showing him this really bad ass underground band called Slayer) goes to gloat, only to get a blank stare from Satan who had forgotten all about the whole thing. When C'thulu pushed him on it, Satan said that he hated the Beatles too, but knew that C'thulu hated them more, so he didn't change the channel for that particular hand. After just staring and laughing at C'thulu's dumb look, Satan had C'thulu go clean his bathroom, since it was Tex-Mex last night at the Satan Complex, and Chimichongas don't agree with him at all.

The End.


So there you have it, the story of how C'thulu was involved with John Lennon's assassination. The Above is completely factually accurate and can be researched and documented if one were so inclined. I however am not, so I won't.
 
#39
sloasdaylight said:
Ok well pretty much what happened was it went down like this. By the way, this is 100% factually accurate, and anyone whose actually talked to either Satan or C'thulu will tell you this is true. I managed to find C'thulu while I was tripping acid on South Beach at Ultra in 2007. He was actually a pleasant guy, little chip on his shoulder, but who can't relate if he'd just gone through what I'm about to tell you.

It all went down like this, some blustery evening in Hell in 1964...

C'thulu and Lucifer were playing a high stakes game of Texas Hold'em for control of hell and all the evil spirits in the world. Now, C'thulu didn't like the Beatles very much, as they were from the UK, and well let's be honest, everyone knows C'thulu is just spiteful as all hell, especially since that 8th grade boarding school dance when the exchange student from London stood him up.

So anyway, they're playing a game of Poker, and all of a sudden the guy on the radio (Satan's radio coincidentally, since it was his house) says that for the next hour they'll be playing The best of the Beatles (I know, The Beatles on a Hell based radio station, but Satan gets Sirius). C'thulu, in a fit of rage, fueled by a few bad hands and one too many Bud Lights, decides to go all in with a 5, 6 suited of clubs. Satan calls, cause he's sitting on the big stack and he's got Pocket 7s. Flop comes, and it's a 4, a 2, and a 7. Turn comes and it's a 3. C'thulu's sitting on a straight now, and starts gloating to Satan about it. Well the river comes and, you guessed it, another 7 (Ironic he won with lucky number 7 instead of his standard lucky hand, which is trip 6s, but hey, whatcha gonna do?). So Satan is now officially the one who controls hell and evil spirits and shiznit like that. Well, C'thulu's pretty pissed about this, seeing as he's all "I'm an ancient God and I was here before time was time and light was light and blah blah." Satan was just like, dude stfu and lose like a man.

So anyways. C'thulu, now with really just nothing but an assload of time on his hands, decides to take out his revenge on John Lennon. So he hatches a clever plan, and kidnaps Richard Nixon, takes his form, and takes office. He did think it was weird no one noticed ANYTHING though. In any case, he hatches this "enemies list" deal as a cover up for what he was planning with Lennon. After contacting Yoko at an "Avant Garde Art Recital", and recognizing that she spoke, and actually performed in his native tongue, they immediately hit it off. So he let her know what the deal was, and she set to work. So she got Married to Lennon and convinced him that she was really awesome (how I'm not sure, probably a lot of whipped cream, honey, and maybe some herbal incense and possibly some booze). So anyways, she then began to constantly receive orders from C'thulu and send him updates via her "performances" with the Beatles. Finally C'thulu, using Nixon's power as president, and being the evil genius he was, found that Campell guy. So he put Yoko in touch with him, and they set the whole thing up.

Afterward, C'thulu, now pleased with exacting his so-called revenge on Satan (who at this time had buried the hatchet with God and was showing him this really bad ass underground band called Slayer) goes to gloat, only to get a blank stare from Satan who had forgotten all about the whole thing. When C'thulu pushed him on it, Satan said that he hated the Beatles too, but knew that C'thulu hated them more, so he didn't change the channel for that particular hand. After just staring and laughing at C'thulu's dumb look, Satan had C'thulu go clean his bathroom, since it was Tex-Mex last night at the Satan Complex, and Chimichongas don't agree with him at all.

The End.


So there you have it, the story of how C'thulu was involved with John Lennon's assassination. The Above is completely factually accurate and can be researched and documented if one were so inclined. I however am not, so I won't.
Click to expand...

I can stand by these facts, as I spoke to C'thulu about this incident as well, but he was quite drunk (I was buying the drinks, but he didn't know I was actually putting them on his tab) and told me some story about Frank Zappa and who he was "...before he decided to take human form..." or something like that. The only reason the story came up is because the Beatles came on over the place's jukebox.


I think he might still be mad at me for what happened at that rave last year, but that's another story.
 

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