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Bandless, Again:(

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by skypn, Jan 23, 2013.

  1. skypn


    Feb 8, 2011
    Just writing this to vent, so please bear with me.

    Background: I played bass a lot as a kid, and set it down for about 20 years. I just picked it up 2 years ago when my brother, who was our drummer way back then, was moving back to MI from AZ(his move away was part of why I set it down). Well, we had a falling out and now he hasn't spoken to me in almost a year, I can't apologize, if he won't talk me me. I had thought of selling my gear, as the only reason (at the time) was to be able to play with Bra. The Mrs talked me out of it, stating two truths, 1: I really do enjoy playing the bass, 2: If I was to sell it off, I would regret it.

    A lot of the "feel" came right back, but it has been a little tough to learn a lot of songs, but when I do learn a song, I feel that I can really rock it. I then got to a point where it wasn't as much fun playing bass by myself, so I started looking for some guys to jam with. Last fall I found some guys on CL 30 miles away, who had been looking for a bass player for about 2 years, and the guitarist was willing to play bass half the time, if another guitarist would play bass the other. They said they weren't trying to gig, so I figured I couldn't hold them back. I told him my story, and said if he was willing to invest some time, it should pay off. Long story short, I couldn't learn the songs he wanted as fast as he wanted, although it was nice of him to tab out everything he wanted me to play. I still feel bad I let him down. They could really play, and I had a lot of fun, except for the pressure.

    Two months ago I placed an add on CL, found some guys only 3 miles away, who need a bass. I went over, we clicked, they were more my level, and although I had to learn all the songs they wanted to play, there wasn't as many of them, and I felt I did a good job learning them all. Last Wednesday was the best practice we ever had, and then Friday morning I got an e-mail stating that for personal reasons, the guitarist and drummer(the core of the band) was going to take a couple months break. My reaction? Stunned.

    OK, so I'm bandless again. A part of me wants to blame myself.

    I'm afraid to try and jump right back into a band, if I could find one, that history might repeat itself. But being in a band is fun, and it does motivate me, and despite everything else, I know I have a lot to offer.

    Then again, I also feel that maybe I should take a few months, learn as many songs as I can, before I start looking again.

    I had forgotten just how much I love playing the bass, and may I be forgiven for all the years I wasted.

    Thanks for listening.
  2. Maybe write your bro a letter and say what you have to say... life's too short, you know?
  3. geoff_in_nc


    Dec 13, 2008
    Raleigh, NC
    2 things.
    +1 to what ibateur said.... your brother doesn't have to talk for you to apologize.

    The current band said a 2 month hiatus... I'm not sure I understand how that means you need to look for another band again.... seems to me you've just got to wait a little bit. Am I missing something?
  4. dbd1963


    May 18, 2010
    Northern Virginia
    I understand your situation. I stopped playing with bands for about twenty years when I got married and had kids. Getting back into a stable band situation was not an easy task.

    If you enjoy it, you should keep after it. Don't worry too much about what happens with any particular band -- a lot of that stuff is outside your control. Even when a band doesn't work out, you are learning something.

    And when you aren't in a band, keep practicing.
  5. Russell L

    Russell L

    Mar 5, 2011
    Cayce, SC
    Aw, send your brother an apology, and wait on the other band. Otherwise, get to some jams and meet some folks. Sit in a bit. And learn songs at home (ya gotta get into playing alone, too). Networking sure helps. I'm in three bands right now, and I never had to look. They all came to me.
  6. skypn


    Feb 8, 2011
    Thanks for the advise. I did try to write my brother. Letter was marked "return to sender".

    OK, I'll take the next two months to learn some more songs. If I don't hear from these guys by the time I'm happy with what I know, I'll start looking again.
  7. Well, you tried with your brother, what else can you do.

    For the rest, take the time to work on what you feel you need to, and see what happens. If the two months passes, and nothing happens on that front, then move on.

    I am in a similar spot myself, in that I put bass down for a long time and only last year came back to it. So I have just been taking the time to relearn everything, pick up things I missed the first time, and get some songs back under my fingers.
  8. AltGrendel

    AltGrendel Squire Jag SS fan.

    May 21, 2009
    Mid-Atlantic USA.
    That or if possible have your mom try to talk to him.
  9. jive1

    jive1 Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    Bands and band members come and go. It's just the nature of the business. People have life changes that cause them to shift their priorities. That's just life.

    As I get older, it's harder to keep a band together than when I was younger. I guess adult responsibilities and the nature of music seem to cause that. But, if bands falling apart and people moving on to other things phased me too much, I'd given up playing bass long ago. Since you love playing bass, let that be your motivation to overcome the trials and tribulations.

    As Dell Paxton said in That Thing You Do, "Ain't no way to keep a band together. Bands come and go. You got to keep on playin', no matter with who.".
  10. OK, can't even begin to think why he's so pissed off. Really sorry that you have this issue.

    Only other option is indeed a "neutral" relative, or wife to wife, and worst case, newspaper ad.

    For the music, advice given is already good. Nothing to add.
  11. bluewine

    bluewine Inactive

    Sep 4, 2008
    What are you looking for in a band?

    Gigs, basement guys to jam with. Originals Covers?

  12. lfmn16

    lfmn16 Suspended Supporting Member

    Sep 21, 2011
    charles town, wv

    Maybe he wants to reconcile too, but doesn't know how to approach you.

    Oops, just saw that he sent the letter back. There is nothing to stop you from trying again next year.
  13. kjpollo


    Mar 17, 2008
    Any of your friends play any instruments at all? Friends of friends? Do some personal networking- you never know where you might find someone who just wants to play music.
  14. being out of a band is good, just keep boning up on your chops, maybe pick up an acoustic and tidy up your vox....just keep moving
  15. My brother and I were on bad terms and hadn't spoken for quite a while. It always seemed that there would be time...

    Write your brother again. And again. Go see him. Whatever it takes.
  16. dax21


    Nov 26, 2011
    I say just keep looking for people. I can relate to a part of your story, there is nothing worse than joining an on-going band, spending significant amount of time learning the tunes and then splitting up right away.
    At least you are fortunate enough to be able to find other musicians, I'm fairly sure that good number of members here are bedroom players who for various reasons can't find people to jam with.

    As far as not living up to your obligations in a band - once it happens you will never allow yourself to do it again. :) Just make sure to have enough time to learn stuff and not to jump too soon because you are eager to play. :)

    Good luck man.
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