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Bit of a dilemma

#22
NWB said:
I'd happily play with the worst jerks around if I knew for certain that it would be helping sick children.

Otherwise, I'd find another way to help out. Like donating to an established charity.

The way you describe this character, I'd have serious doubts about where the money would end up.
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This is just what I will do. I can find nowhere on the website or any advertisements where it says who actually gets the money.

I will be donating $100 to the St. Jude Children's Research Hospital and I will be encouraging everyone I know to donate what they can afford.
 
#24
No offense but it sounds like you are very insecure about your wife's ex-boyfriend being around.

As far as the gig is concerned, you shouldn't let your personal feelings prevent you from trying to help a sick kid. If there are 20 bands, you probably won't have to spend more than 30 minutes at the venue.
 
#25
Kmonk said:
No offense but it sounds like you are very insecure about your wife's ex-boyfriend being around.

As far as the gig is concerned, you shouldn't let your personal feelings prevent you from trying to help a sick kid. If there are 20 bands, you probably won't have to spend more than 30 minutes at the venue.
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It doesn't sound like that at all! He doesn't LIKE the guy. You can't swing a dead cat in this town without hitting one of my wife's ex-boyfriends, and there are some I welcome into my home, and am completely happy to see, and there are one or two that I wouldn't compliment by peeing on.

There can be a million reasons why we don't like someone; some rational; some not. But life is far too short to spend our time around people we don't like, unless it's a good reason, and when it comes to charity gigs, unless you have solid knowledge of the organization that is channeling the funds, they are rarely all that good of a reason.

I know a local band who does charity event after charity event, and most of them are events that they themselves run, and you can't see any of the books, and they don't announce the amount they took in after the shows happen.

We all know what's really going on there.

Or, some of you Boy Scouts will say you don't.

But I sure as hell do!
 
#26
Floyd Eye said:
As it happens, a guy my wife used to date about 20 years ago owns a sound company. We have ran into the guy at a club we play at a couple times. He's always real nice ( and drunk lol) and the last time we played there he had his lights set up already for a show with another band the next night, so he offered to run lights for us that night for free. Like I said, he's a nice enough guy. I still don't like him. Pretty sure it's because he used to date my wife, but either way I don't particularly care for the guy.

Now, his best friend owns a local radio station, has a studio and is a complete douchebag. His daughter has cancer and although I am 100% positive he would not be so benevolent if his own daughter didn't have cancer, he puts on these benefits for kids with cancer. Well they are having this big benefit in a couple months with about 20 bands. They will have a huge system set up ( Twelve 18" subs, 20k watts, all PRX stuff) and all the bands just bring their guitar/bass amps. Well, I get a call from this guy today and he wants my band to play. There is no pay involved, it's a charity. Now I am a charitable guy and I have no problem playing these sort of gigs normally, but the fact that I dislike the one guy and absolutely hate the other guy has colored my opinion I think.

So, as you see, my dilemma is a moral one. Do I play the gig, (because regardless of the reasons why he is doing it, the fact is that what this guy is doing is benefiting sick children) or do I politely decline?
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If the proceeds are actually going to do some good, you need to realize this one thing- THOSE KIDS WITH CANCER DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS IF YOU DON'T LIKE THESE TWO GUYS. It's not always about you. Suck it up and do the benefit if the rest of the band agrees to it.
 
#27
1958Bassman said:
If the proceeds are actually going to do some good, you need to realize this one thing- THOSE KIDS WITH CANCER DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS IF YOU DON'T LIKE THESE TWO GUYS. It's not always about you. Suck it up and do the benefit if the rest of the band agrees to it.
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As noted earlier, this would be assuming that the moneys raised would actually go towards the stated goal of helping kids. I think the point has been made that the character putting on the show may be more than a little shady and it's entirely possible that the money may end up elsewhere.

The OP has stated that he will contribute to a known and reputable charity to help children. Do you have a problem with that?
 
#28
I've played a few benefit gigs over the years and there wasn't a single one where I didn't walk away feeling depressed, tired, angry and feeling like my time could have been better spent with my own family. Not to mention wondering if the actual victim was gonna see even half of the money that was collected. Maybe I'm just a cynical self-centered douche but that's how it's been for me.

I don't play benefits anymore just on principle and in fact it's policy in my main band. The only places I play for free are my church and as a favor to close friends on special occasions.
 
#29
Considering that the guy has been at our last 3 shows at this particular venue and has been around my wife, ran the lights for us last time we were there and was perfectly pleasant AND the fact that he is a fat drunk, I don't think that it's remotely possible that I feel insecure about anything. I have been married to my wife for 11 years and as cool as Bruce Willis is, I still wouldn't feel insecure if he was interested in my wife. I also must reiterate, this guy has not made any attempt to hit on my wife. Really, if it was just this guy running this thing, I might be okay with it because this guy is at least honest I think. However, he is NOT the one running it, his friend is and his friend is a known scumbag and there is no way to check and see where any of this money goes.

I knew there would be some that would try to make me feel like a jerk-off, and that's fine. I know better. I sent $100 to St. Jude's the other day. I sleep perfectly well at night. So, instead of insinuating that I am a selfish bastard who is letting my insecurity prevent me from doing what is right, how about you match my $100 donation? :)
 
#30
Floyd Eye said:
Considering that the guy has been at our last 3 shows at this particular venue and has been around my wife, ran the lights for us last time we were there and was perfectly pleasant AND the fact that he is a fat drunk, I don't think that it's remotely possible that I feel insecure about anything. I have been married to my wife for 11 years and as cool as Bruce Willis is, I still wouldn't feel insecure if he was interested in my wife. I also must reiterate, this guy has not made any attempt to hit on my wife. Really, if it was just this guy running this thing, I might be okay with it because this guy is at least honest I think. However, he is NOT the one running it, his friend is and his friend is a known scumbag and there is no way to check and see where any of this money goes.

I knew there would be some that would try to make me feel like a jerk-off, and that's fine. I know better. I sent $100 to St. Jude's the other day. I sleep perfectly well at night. So, instead of insinuating that I am a selfish bastard who is letting my insecurity prevent me from doing what is right, how about you match my $100 donation? :)
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I don't care if you DIDN'T send $100 to St. Jude's; you still AREN'T any kind of jerk on this. Not at all. People can get awfully judgmental over the internet, having only read a paragraph or two. They don't know you. I don't know you.

Nobody's a jerk here. Everybody's just fine. In fact, if anyone needs a jerk, I will volunteer myself. I make a GREAT jerk, and that's the nice way of putting it.

Not giving a crap about what people think of you is more than a statement. It's a way of life.

Anyone who wants to join MY church, just send me however much money will make you feel better about your sad, meaningless life, and I will send you an 8x10 framed certificate stating that you matter.
 
#32
Are you positive the money is going where he says it's going especially if you think he's such a bad guy? Has anyone ever checked?

Edit: I now see I'm not the only one asking about this. I think it happens more than people realize.
 
#34
boristhespider9 said:
Are you positive the money is going where he says it's going especially if you think he's such a bad guy? Has anyone ever checked?

Edit: I now see I'm not the only one asking about this. I think it happens more than people realize.
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I absolutely am not sure of that. There is no way to check. At least not without coming right out and asking the guy and even then, I don't think I would necessarily be inclined to believe what he says.

Honestly, I am not trying to be a smart alec, but if you read the whole thread I am sure I said that already.
 

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