Please note the title is not against girls, I know several awesome girls in band. Just right off the bat 
lately, and he'l
Anyways, to cut right to the heart of the problem, my drummer has a girlfriend who I frankly feel is literally a psychopathic liar and is very good at manipulating him.
He's changed lately. He's become a lot more edgy lately, and he'll become really touchy about certain topics. We've always had a policy of honesty, and several times he's skirted around topics or flat out lied in her defense because he didn't want us knowing too much.
I'll try to wrap this up with as little crazy as possible.
You'll notice my first entry is controversial, and it's entirely possible that it is true -- after all, liars tend to tell some version of the truth. Many others are the same. But many are outright contradictions. Feel free to skip some if there are too many... but imagine what I'm dealing with
The quotes are all the evidence, you can skip those for just the main story.
Long story short, he's changed. I don't like her and wish she would just go away. It's his life, but this is really starting to affect us. He's tired, I can see it in his eyes. She's adding so much stress to his life. He's ending practices earlier, cancelling them more often, and seems more vacant a lot of the time.
Me and my guitarist took a long golf cart ride with him to talk to him about all of it, and like one is wont to do, he denied all of it and tried to back up her evidence... but quickly found it circuitous and insubstantial to prove anything. When we brought up the points about it maybe not behind his baby, of course he snapped at us. I mean, how do you tell a close friend that you think there's a chance his girlfriend is carrying someone else's baby? I've thought she was cheating on him for months, and I know it's just intuition, but SOMETHING is fishy. I just wanted him to know that that was a theory we hadn't been able to shoot down so that maybe he would tell us more to work with. But still he swears there's more he can't tell us.
Now he's cancelled another practice and won't even answer my phone calls (so far) to ask if we can use the space regardless, since he'll be in traffic and 45 minutes away most of the day.
I just want my band back He used to be so happy and aloof, ready to practice every day. I've never seen him angry before, though he certainly had a right to be. I really wish she would just go away. But he's the nicest person I've ever met. He's got such a good, innocent heart, and he'd do just about anything you asked him to. If he wants to believe something, he will with the slightest circumstancial evidence just because it hurts him not to. I honestly believe that even if she was cheating on him and he caught her, she would just cry and beg and he would take her back. There's nothing I can do.
And it's also his personal life. I can't go muddling around in that until now because it's hurting the band. How far do I go? I care about my friend, and I care about my band, and I just don't know what to do to make it work... How far would you go? What's it worth?
We were planning on releasing an album this summer, sharing a band house after high school, being a tight family... all of us are, even my girlfriend (the old singer of the band) except him. Obviously he couldn't live with us with a baby. I know that kind of thing is just the starry-eyed wishes of teenagers, but I want that, and her threatening that makes me wish she would up and move to Greenland one day without him... I'm scared now and just talking about this gets me riled up.
The guitarist/lead singer is with me. The other guitarist thinks it's even more ridiculous than I do, but he refuses to meddle in his personal life or even share his opinion around him. He's always been that way.
Oh, and like I said, there are some things I won't share about my drummer that allow it to make sense how he can take all of this in stride... he's not just stupid.
lately, and he'l
Anyways, to cut right to the heart of the problem, my drummer has a girlfriend who I frankly feel is literally a psychopathic liar and is very good at manipulating him.
He's changed lately. He's become a lot more edgy lately, and he'll become really touchy about certain topics. We've always had a policy of honesty, and several times he's skirted around topics or flat out lied in her defense because he didn't want us knowing too much.
I'll try to wrap this up with as little crazy as possible.
You'll notice my first entry is controversial, and it's entirely possible that it is true -- after all, liars tend to tell some version of the truth. Many others are the same. But many are outright contradictions. Feel free to skip some if there are too many... but imagine what I'm dealing with
The quotes are all the evidence, you can skip those for just the main story.
* Her mom is supposedly crazy and abuses her. I wouldn't normally hesitate this, except it involves such stories as locking her in a birdcage outside during a storm and trying to kill her one day to forget about it the next. Horrific things if true, and I make no assumptions about it, other than those sound highly unlikely.
* She doesn't see her dad, but when she does, she's really happy too. Then one day the drummer will talk about how her dad does nothing but steal from her.
* Her mom is crazy and stressed and works all the time. She lately has been living with her best friend's dad. Her best friend was killed by a car (even though nobody in this whole situation has ever met her, and there was no obituary matching the name). Her friend's dad is a millionaire doctor/lawyer/car dealership owner/manages a couple of recording studios.
He supposedly offered to donate $100,000 for gear and recording for us... which of course, never came through. He somehow transferred it to her bank (she's a minor), but we have to clear it with the bank any time we use it because it supposedly can only be used on musical equipment and the bank has to clear it first?
Also, he has a bunch of cars including a Lamborghini, Corvette, and more. This guy has been texting my drummer telling him things like Neil Peart (his idol) will be at the recording studio, and that my drummer is allowed to drive any of his cars any time he want. The only credibility this story has is that my drummer was actually able to ride in one of the Lamborghinis while his girlfriend drove.
* She supposedly has a crazy rare heart condition that her mom doesn't know about. I find that kind of funny since, as a minor, she would have to be on her mom's insurance to even run the tests... yet she's supposedly been in the hospital several times and once gone into shock because of some bad medicine, all without her mom knowing. Every time my drummer has tried to visit her, something came up and she was afraid it would "worry him too much."
* She told him about some amazing venue she played at where bands got $2500 a piece and the place was packed every night, even though they didn't have an official website. Here is the whole thread I started about it, if it sounds familiar: http://www.talkbass.com/forum/f67/gig-too-good-true-842496/ She actually posted photos for us, and they were WAY too good to be done by a handheld. My girlfriend googled "concert stock photo" and it was on the first page of results... (fun fact, many of her artwork and photography can be found by googling "____ stock photo") I'm mad she had the stones to flat out lie to us.
* She does online school, and he once had to cancel practice to go help his girlfriend tell her mom that she had been kicked out of online school because they didn't pay the internet bill. I've done online classes, and I know it doesn't work that way, and I had seen her on Facebook!
* Referencing the money above, we weren't supposed to know about it, but he made a post in our private group about it. Somehow, magically, that got converted into a text message and sent to her cell phone word for word. Yeah, right. And when he showed me the text which was supposedly copied, there were several very stupid typos which betrayed it.
* When I was honest and told him there was no way in Heaven or Hell the above was honest, I implied that somebody had to be in on his account. After swearing that he'd only logged in at her house once (keylogger, anyone?), he assumed that I must be talking about a hacker. While he was out on a bike ride, I was on Facebook, and someone messaged me from his Facebook.
So, naturally...
* A wild hacker appeared! Supposedly this hacker sent a bunch of nasty messages to her ( more on that later ). Somehow this person had been hacking them, but the problem disappeared when he changed his password... The hacker then contacted my drummer's girlfriend, where my drummer talked to him. He spun a very poorly written movie tale about how he also loved my drummer's girlfriend, even though they live an hour apart and statistically never would have met. He claims to be our age (17) and was at one of the big festivals we tried out for (even though nobody else tried that was anywhere younger than their mid-20's) and that he's seen all of us and known all of us. When the drummer let it slip that I had shown him his girlfriend's Tumblr account (which I had been watching for warning signs), the Tumblr account was deleted the next day, despite supposedly being shared with a friend no one's ever met...
* All these crazy things would happen after I would see posts on her Tumblr like "Oh my god, why does he practice so much? Why does anyone need to practice 3 times a week? I hope he's really practicing and not blowing me off". The next practice, something crazy would come up and he'd have to cancel practice to go see her. He can't practice tomorrow because he decided to go see her for some reason he can't explain, on one of our regular practice days, and won't get back to me about whether or not the rest of us can still meet at his house to get some work done.
* She supposedly is an amazing painter and would send him pictures of stuff she had done... but wouldn't ever let him see it in person. She said that nobody had ever seen them in person because she was afraid of judgment. However, less than two weeks prior, she said that she had won an art contest where the prize was an art exhibition
Then, supposedly, she had a bunch of money because she sold 900 (everybody say it with me, NINE HUNDRED) individual paintings online. Yet she lives in a poor neighborhood with lots of problems...
* She is now supposed to be living with this rich father figure and his wife, despite her mom telling us that her kids don't go anywhere without her and that's why they're homeschooled. However, he still goes to her house to see her (he has never met this rich father figure, and when trying to call the number he texts us from, it's a Heywire free texting account, which a millionaire doctor-lawyer wouldn't need).
* The kicker is that now she's saying she's pregnant. There are some things I can't say about my drummer that allow me to put two and two together and see why he does stupid things that he doesn't know are stupid, but let me say that it's just possible it is his baby. He swears he's been to the doctor with her and seen sonogram pictures... but even that would be easy enough to fake.
What I'm REALLY worried about is this: say that this father figure does exist. He is rich. What if they're hooking up in a kind of sugar daddy situation? She's young and fairly pretty, he's older and rich. It would explain the cars, why he uses a fake texting account, why we've never met him, why she lives at home and can't help her mother out with money. But this guy told my drummer (jokingly, of course) not to worry because the baby would "have the Bank of Daddy" (oddly suspicious phrasing).
* And now, in a neighborhood where most people have to worry about paying for food and gas, there's this crazy criminal organization that targets people that have perfect lives and tries to make them miserable... and they've picked her, of course, because she has everything (something all of her "friends" are always saying -- I have seen this in other cases where people made up imaginary others to their own ends). He went over to her house and they found 7 cameras and a hard drive... which is total BS because anyone tech savvy would have some kind of wireless storage device, which it would have to be anyways to transmit to the hard drive... and days of constant video (hi def) from 7 cameras is just RIDICULOUS. Yet they used this hard drive to hack their facebook accounts.
Oh, and his girlfriend is also a hacker. The "hacking" involved watching the videos on the hard drive and trying to guess his password, but she convinced him that it's totally hacking....
Long story short, he's changed. I don't like her and wish she would just go away. It's his life, but this is really starting to affect us. He's tired, I can see it in his eyes. She's adding so much stress to his life. He's ending practices earlier, cancelling them more often, and seems more vacant a lot of the time.
Me and my guitarist took a long golf cart ride with him to talk to him about all of it, and like one is wont to do, he denied all of it and tried to back up her evidence... but quickly found it circuitous and insubstantial to prove anything. When we brought up the points about it maybe not behind his baby, of course he snapped at us. I mean, how do you tell a close friend that you think there's a chance his girlfriend is carrying someone else's baby? I've thought she was cheating on him for months, and I know it's just intuition, but SOMETHING is fishy. I just wanted him to know that that was a theory we hadn't been able to shoot down so that maybe he would tell us more to work with. But still he swears there's more he can't tell us.
Now he's cancelled another practice and won't even answer my phone calls (so far) to ask if we can use the space regardless, since he'll be in traffic and 45 minutes away most of the day.
I just want my band back
He used to be so happy and aloof, ready to practice every day. I've never seen him angry before, though he certainly had a right to be. I really wish she would just go away. But he's the nicest person I've ever met. He's got such a good, innocent heart, and he'd do just about anything you asked him to. If he wants to believe something, he will with the slightest circumstancial evidence just because it hurts him not to. I honestly believe that even if she was cheating on him and he caught her, she would just cry and beg and he would take her back. There's nothing I can do. And it's also his personal life. I can't go muddling around in that until now because it's hurting the band. How far do I go? I care about my friend, and I care about my band, and I just don't know what to do to make it work... How far would you go? What's it worth?
We were planning on releasing an album this summer, sharing a band house after high school, being a tight family... all of us are, even my girlfriend (the old singer of the band) except him. Obviously he couldn't live with us with a baby. I know that kind of thing is just the starry-eyed wishes of teenagers, but I want that, and her threatening that makes me wish she would up and move to Greenland one day without him... I'm scared now and just talking about this gets me riled up.
The guitarist/lead singer is with me. The other guitarist thinks it's even more ridiculous than I do, but he refuses to meddle in his personal life or even share his opinion around him. He's always been that way.
Oh, and like I said, there are some things I won't share about my drummer that allow it to make sense how he can take all of this in stride... he's not just stupid.
