Oh you like bugs, do you? I have a story about bugs.
Back in August, on a Sunday, I find myself in my backyard. As part of my ongoing war against the reverse stack effect (different story), one must check for avenues for air to leak from the lower levels, the basement in particular. I took the opportunity to peak behind the bushes where the electrical cables come through the wall into the house. I don't get a good look at the hole, however, because I am distracted by a small nest of what appear to be yellow jackets. The nest is attached to the wires that go through the wall. I don't think much of that at the time (foreshadowing). Anyway, priorities have changed.
The kids are about to play in our small bounce house, (which is why I found myself in the back yard to begin with; different story) which we plan to set up maybe 20 feet away. I don't have the wasp/hornet/etc. killing stuff, but I do have some Raid ant and roach. I can't just leave it be. Time to improvise.
It seems to work well. The yellow jackets drop quickly when I hit then with a direct shot. Maybe they are part ant. I spend maybe 10 minutes spraying the stuff directly on the nest, and any yellow jackets that happen by (of which there are many) get doused. By the time the can is empty the nest is totally soaked, as is the ground nearby. The yellow jackets are still flying in here and there, but the poison is supposed to last for weeks so I expect that the bugs won't last too long.
The evening proceeds and no one gets stung. The yellow jackets are not an issue at all. All seems well.
****
A couple days later, after work, I find myself in the basement. I go over to have a look at the fuse box because I want to see if the fuse that controls the lights on the second floor is labeled (different story). The fuse box is in the back corner of the basement, in a closet. I am about to open the closet when I see a dead bug on the floor. This is not uncommon; these little black beetle carcasses turn up in the summer for some reason. But wait, there's two... No, three... No, more... And they aren't those black beetles.
They are yellow jackets.
The nest.
The wires.
Oh god.
There is a window next to the closet, to the left. There are about 20 dead yellow jackets on the window sill. I move some toys out of the way that were on the floor in front of the window. Maybe another 20 dead yellow jackets. They must have been following the light? None are found any further left than the window, but there are a few on the floor along the opposite path, toward the sliding glass door (maybe 12 ft away). Next to the door there's a sticky bug trap (for the beetles). It's like a trapezoid-shaped tube. I peek inside... DOZENS of them. What the [heck]. Also a couple beyond the trap, had they crawled over the bodies of their siblings? Some of them are not dead... Legs flailing... Stingers pulsing... At least one in the trap can still buzz her wings. I hate her the most.
Back to the closet. Open the door. YELLOW JACKET HOLOCAUST. Loose ones all over the floor. There's another sticky trap in here (flat this time), and it's covered. [Heck]ing gross. A few more survivors on bad shape. In total, must be several dozen or a couple hundred. I guess my raid-dousing had driven them out of the nest and into the basement, where they got busy dying. Gross as it is, it's probably better than finding live yellow jackets in the house.
I clean up the dead. Now armed with a fly swatter and some work gloves, it's time to investigate the wires. The cable leading to the fuse box and what appear to be the FIOS wires enter through a sizable hole that was at one time sealed with some kind of pliable green putty. There is a gap in the putty between the two coax cables. Not sure if it had always been there. I peel back the putty a bit, and [HECK] THERE'S ONE RIGHT THERE. Living, moving, buzzing, existing in defiance of all things good in this world. I smish the putty in place to cover the gap and ready the swatter... But it's holding for now.
As luck would have it, I have gap-filling spray foam on hand. But I had planned to use it for something up stairs (different story), and they are essentially one-time use whether you use it all or not. So, I ready both the up stairs and downstairs. I do my foaming up stairs, and dash back to the basement. I peel back the putty, and that [heck]er is still there. [HECK] he's brought a friend. No matter, unless they can breath polyurethane their time is short. I jam the tube in the hole and on comes the foam. I can't see what's happening in there, of course, but I can imagine the foam filling every wretched chamber of their monstrous lair. I take the tube back, slowly, foaming all the while. I then cover the whole thing to ensure that all gaps are sealed. There's another entrance where the AC lines come in; no evidence of bugs there but I'm taking no chances. Foam for everyone.
It was done. The foam was rapidly skinning over. Soon it was solid, far too solid for a yellow jacket. The house is sealed. My family is safe.
They may try again someday. I'll be waiting.
Thirty minutes down the road.
