Feeling like I've hit a wall in life

[Vorago]

I know this might sound odd, and you shouldn't think too much of it, but have you considered taking a small holiday? Just a week off, roadtrip, camping, on your own.

It helped me when I was at the crossroads, so to say. Sometimes its very hard to get a clear look on things when you're in the middle of it...

 

[bmc]

Does it feel like this?

Or more like this:

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Here's hoping the "try to cheer the lad up" approach puts a smile on your face, if only for short while.

 

[Chebass88]

I think this could help you:

1. Make a list of all the things you CAN do. You might not have strength, can't walk too well, etc. What CAN you do? You can get onto TB and communicate reasonably well, so you can operate a computer. Can you talk on the phone?

2. Headphones. If your current amp doesn't have it - get an amp with a headphone jack. A pair of $20 headphones lets you play bass anywhere you have a 120V outlet. I lived in a hotel room for two four month long-term travel situations for work. I played EVERY night, and no one knew I was playing an electric bass. Doesn't help so much with drums, but it is possible with bass.

3. Think positive - I understand you are down, and life is ******** on you. Every single post of yours in this thread is pessimistic - how something cannot happen, or why something doesn't work out for you. Constant negative reinforcement will only compound your problem.

4. I would stay away from volunteer work. I know that gets the warm & fuzzys out, but at this moment, you need to focus on your own situation. Secure yourself, your relationship, your finances, etc., and then (and ONLY then), if you have some extra time left over, donate it.

5. Music opportunities exist all over the place. Maybe this means taking a step back and practicing scales, rudiments, learning new playing styles, etc. Use this temporary down time as a means to improve your musical abilities. No matter how good you are now, there is always room for improvement. How is the gigging scene where you are located? Can you obtain gigs easily? Can you start a new band & play jazz standards at the local steakhouse? Coffeeshop? Most amateur music opportunities are black market jobs, paid in cash with no records of it. This brings in money without compromising your work quota (not that this is encouraged, but as a temporary means to get more money).

6. Goals - you mentioned being unable to meet your goals. Make smaller, temporary goals that you CAN achieve. In football, the overall objective is to score more points than the opponent. The smaller objective is to advance down the field. You get 4 attempts to go 10 yards. Advancement is not guaranteed, but consistently moving at least 3 yards on each play will let you get a 1st down, and 4 more attempts to advance. You don't need a long pass or a touchdown EVERY time - just keep moving the sticks, and you move down the field.

I hope this helps.

 

[fourstringdrums]

I think this could help you:

1. Make a list of all the things you CAN do. You might not have strength, can't walk too well, etc. What CAN you do? You can get onto TB and communicate reasonably well, so you can operate a computer. Can you talk on the phone?

2. Headphones. If your current amp doesn't have it - get an amp with a headphone jack. A pair of $20 headphones lets you play bass anywhere you have a 120V outlet. I lived in a hotel room for two four month long-term travel situations for work. I played EVERY night, and no one knew I was playing an electric bass. Doesn't help so much with drums, but it is possible with bass.

3. Think positive - I understand you are down, and life is ******** on you. Every single post of yours in this thread is pessimistic - how something cannot happen, or why something doesn't work out for you. Constant negative reinforcement will only compound your problem.

4. I would stay away from volunteer work. I know that gets the warm & fuzzys out, but at this moment, you need to focus on your own situation. Secure yourself, your relationship, your finances, etc., and then (and ONLY then), if you have some extra time left over, donate it.

5. Music opportunities exist all over the place. Maybe this means taking a step back and practicing scales, rudiments, learning new playing styles, etc. Use this temporary down time as a means to improve your musical abilities. No matter how good you are now, there is always room for improvement. How is the gigging scene where you are located? Can you obtain gigs easily? Can you start a new band & play jazz standards at the local steakhouse? Coffeeshop? Most amateur music opportunities are black market jobs, paid in cash with no records of it. This brings in money without compromising your work quota (not that this is encouraged, but as a temporary means to get more money).

6. Goals - you mentioned being unable to meet your goals. Make smaller, temporary goals that you CAN achieve. In football, the overall objective is to score more points than the opponent. The smaller objective is to advance down the field. You get 4 attempts to go 10 yards. Advancement is not guaranteed, but consistently moving at least 3 yards on each play will let you get a 1st down, and 4 more attempts to advance. You don't need a long pass or a touchdown EVERY time - just keep moving the sticks, and you move down the field.

I hope this helps.

Thank you, yes it does..and that goes for everyone else here as well.

What I decided to do this morning, after reading your post, is make a list of everything that I should be happy about, or reminders to hopefully keep me on track.

I need to see that the negative attitude doesn't help, it only makes things worse, and really, I am in such a better place than I was even 6 months ago. Just moving to a new state is affording me more opportunities.

 

[sandmangeck]

I suggest giving lessons. I suggest donating your time to a worthy cause. You could give music lessons to a worthy cause. They could "donate" to you for "donating" your time. Wink. Wink.

 

[fourstringdrums]

I suggest giving lessons. I suggest donating your time to a worthy cause. You could give music lessons to a worthy cause. They could "donate" to you for "donating" your time. Wink. Wink.

I did give drum lessons for a time but it wasn't for me. I didn't enjoy it and I didn't want to be one of those teachers who hated what they were doing but they did it anyway.

Though volunteering to do that is a good idea. It's a different world when someone pays you to do it.

 

[SteveC]

My situation is no where close to yours, but I have been feeling a little stale lately. As of NYE, I'll be done gigging. Might try to learn guitar. Might find another hobby. I don't know. I know I needed a break from regular gigging. Loved the bands, loved the guys, loved the music, just looking for something else.

Stuff happens. Sounds like you have some support. Hang in there.

 

[flypejose]

This guy has no limbs but still manages to play drums! He has inspired a lot of people!
Meet Nick Vujicic - The Man with No Limbs - YouTube

 

[fourstringdrums]

This guy has no limbs but still manages to play drums! He has inspired a lot of people!
Meet Nick Vujicic - The Man with No Limbs - YouTube

that's fantastic. I used to run a disabled drummer website. I got to interview Rick Allen of Def Leppard

 

[topo morto]

Sometimes purposes and challenges find you - it sounds like you already overcame a lot of challenges - but sometimes you have to go and find them.

Life can be about exploring, as much as achieving... and that can be exploring places and situations, or just inner journeys.

As far as things to learn/do goes... get as many of your recordings as you can onto the internet... learn to write songs better... write some poems... learn a language... grow bonsai trees... something that you can do, and that you like. I'm sure others have made better suggestions already...

Try working out what kind of person you are. Do you need to feel you're making others happy? Do you need to spend your own time doing 'you' stuff? Do you get your sense of self from money, your skills as a musician, your religion, your favourite sports team, what?

but have you considered taking a small holiday? Just a week off, roadtrip, camping, on your own.

Holidays are great... anywhere you secretly always wanted to go? Maybe even out of the US?

On the other hand, if you want cheap, you can almost get a mental holiday with a good book... I like Murakami, YMMV...

. Make smaller, temporary goals that you CAN achieve.

This is so true. For most of us, big achievements in life can only come from the sum of many small achievements.

I know I could be much worse off but I still can't let go of the fact that I'm 30, divorced, I lost my house, most of musical outlet, my ability to work, and any sense of consistency in my life and I have no idea if I'll ever get it back. I figure if I could just play music with people regularly and even work a lousy 10 hours a week at something I enjoyed I'd be so much happier, but I can't even do that.

I'd really appreciate some perspective to hopefully get me out of this funk.. I know it's not as bad as it seems and there is a lot of good, but until I let go of how I feel about myself and what I've achieved and lost or haven't achieved, I can never move forward.

30 is a funny age. on one hand, you'll have seen much of what life has to offer. On the other hand, given that life is complicated these days, it's still pretty young. Being 30 in 2011 is probably like being 20 in, say, 1950. Anything you've done that didn't work out - put it down to experience. Anything you did that did work out - don't be too proud, you got lucky!

... Just like it says in Invalid Link Removed...