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Gift giving

Lowner

Lowner

May 14, 2005
430
4
Over Here
#1
A friend of mine moved to california in September of 2005 and at the time was dating a guy. A few days before she left she started a painting for him for his birthday and did not finish it in time. So she told him she would finish it and send it to him.
Prior to her leaving she showed me the painting.They broke up in December of 2005 and i always assumed that she sent the painting to him for his birthday. That was until I got a package in the mail today and it was the painting she made for her ex boyfriend. On the back she had scratched out the inscription that she wrote to him and wrote a Happy birthday message to me. i have heard of people giving bad gifts they got from others as gifts(re-gifting). But this is low to give me a gift meant for someone else. I am offened that she could not even take the time to make me another painting or a just a card would have been fine. She does not have much money. But a gift intended for her ex boyfriend that she never gave me and passes it off on me and has the nerve to scratch off the inscription on the back. i think that is really low.

1. should i send her a thank you note?
2. Should I tell her she showed the painting to me before she left and I know it was intended for her ex boyfriend?
3.Should I tell her how offened I am and then tell her I dont want anything to do with her.
4. Am I being an ungreatful gift recipient or was that wrong of her to do that?
 
#2
Lowner said:
A friend of mine moved to california in September of 2005 and at the time was dating a guy. A few days before she left she started a painting for him for his birthday and did not finish it in time. So she told him she would finish it and send it to him.
Prior to her leaving she showed me the painting.They broke up in December of 2005 and i always assumed that she sent the painting to him for his birthday. That was until I got a package in the mail today and it was the painting she made for her ex boyfriend. On the back she had scratched out the inscription that she wrote to him and wrote a Happy birthday message to me. i have heard of people giving bad gifts they got from others as gifts(re-gifting). But this is low to give me a gift meant for someone else. I am offened that she could not even take the time to make me another painting or a just a card would have been fine. She does not have much money. But a gift intended for her ex boyfriend that she never gave me and passes it off on me and has the nerve to scratch off the inscription on the back. i think that is really low.

1. should i send her a thank you note?
2. Should I tell her she showed the painting to me before she left and I know it was intended for her ex boyfriend?
3.Should I tell her how offened I am and then tell her I dont want anything to do with her.
4. Am I being an ungreatful gift recipient or was that wrong of her to do that?
Click to expand...

1. Yes
2. Only if it's in the process of telling her how much you liked it when you saw it.
3. If you want to lose a friend
4. Yes

A gift was offered. Accept graciously....
 
#3
jkritchey said:
1. Yes
2. Only if it's in the process of telling her how much you liked it when you saw it.
3. If you want to lose a friend
4. Yes (Edit: Yes you are being ungrateful)

A gift was offered. Accept graciously....
Click to expand...
Precisely. Appreciate the fact that she cared enough to give you a gift. She obviously liked the current status of the painting enough to not scrap it when she broke up with her boyfriend. In all likelihood she is very proud of the painting, and wanted someone to share in it's beauty (if it is indeed beautiful). You should be happy that she gave it to you, not angry that she didn't paint you a brand new painting.
 
#5
i also agree with all responses thus far.

i would make the suggestion for "3. Should I tell her how offened I am and then tell her I dont want anything to do with her." that you wait until you could talk to her calmly.

if you feel the need to tell her that you are offended i can understand that, but i wouldnt want to lose a friendship over it.

just my two pennies
 
#7
Eric Cameron said:
If it comes down to it, sell it on ebay. But otherwise, take the gift graciously. If you wrote a song for a girl, then broke up with her, then performed that song for another girl, should she feel insulted? No!! The feeling is still there.

Rock on
Eric
Click to expand...
Couldn't have said it better.

It's her heart and soul in that painting and she wants you to have it.
 
#9
Wait till her B-day comes around and give it back to her with the inscription for you scratched out and redone with her name on it! HAHAHA!

But Seriously,
-That is pretty tacky of her. I would agree with Major Metal IF the painting wasn't clearly intended for another person. If it was just one of her works laying around, then it would be cool. But she made it FOR her ex and you and she knows it. Really tacky of her. Boo!

-However, if you confront her in anyway, shape or form about this...you will either have a huge fight, or just loose the friend period.

-But, then again, how good of a friend is she that she would give you **** she made for her boyfriend?

I just wonder what was going through her head while she was scratching out the ingraving?!??! "Hmmmmm.....Lowner is too stupid to realize that these scratch marks formerly said, 'To My Undying Love, (insert boyfriends name). My Best Boyfriend Ever!'"

C'Mon!!!!:rollno:
 
#10
I don't think you should end a freindship over this, but I agree with Masher. That is *really* tacky. Once you're calm, I'd say go with #2. Maybe she meant well by it, but really, since it was meant for someone else...

Oh, and Eric... If you wrote a song for one girl, then use it for the next that comes along, it'd be just as tacky. So say if a married couple gets divorced, but say the husband returns the ring back to the wife, and she then uses the same ring again for her next husband. if I were that next husband, I'd be *horribly* offended. Obviously this is a painting and not a wedding ring, but a similar thing applies.

Something very personal meant for one person shouldn't just be tossed around randomly to the next person who comes along.

-Dash
 
#11
Revenge your friend by doing it with her ex on the painting!


Really, people take things way too serious. "Oh no, my friend was going to give this thing she made to someone but instead she though that I would enjoy it more/ or she liked it and wanted to share it with someone she cares more about. How awful of her, what a bad person she is for liking you more then ex boyfriend! Horrible person she is, what a biznatch"
 
#12
kserg said:
Revenge your friend by doing it with her ex on the painting!


Really, people take things way too serious. "Oh no, my friend was going to give this thing she made to someone but instead she though that I would enjoy it more/ or she liked it and wanted to share it with someone she cares more about. How awful of her, what a bad person she is for liking you more then ex boyfriend! Horrible person she is, what a biznatch"
Click to expand...

Well, I see you totally missed the point... :hiding:

-Dash
 
#13
Dash Rantic said:
Well, I see you totally missed the point... :hiding:

-Dash
Click to expand...

I really don't think so. my little sarcasm was put in as a bad joke (even though it made me laugh so i really don't care as for me it was a good joke). But i really think people take crap way to close to heart. Even thinking of loosing a friend over this?

I still think doing her ex on top of the painting is best way to go though.
 
#15
We're you her moral support durring their breakup? If so I can see her sending it to you because that would be a snapshot of her life at the time. Yeah she brokeup with him but you helped her through the situation and gave her the inspiration to finish.

If not....ehhh tacky, but don't sweat it tell her thanks. Just make sure to send her the oldest ,nastiest fruitcake this christmas. :D
 
#16
Lowner said:
But this is low to give me a gift meant for someone else. I am offened

1. should i send her a thank you note?
Click to expand...

Why would you send someone a thank you note for something which offends you?

At #3, you're also pondering ending the friendship, which makes me ask the question, "How good/close of a friend is she?"

Maybe her sending you this portrait of her ex boyfriend is her way of telling you (and the world) how much she misses him.

If and when you talk to her next, tell her what you posted here. If the friendship can't survive honesty... ;)

Good luck.

Mike ;)
 
#20
Was the scratching out of the previous inscription done very poorly?

I have no idea what your situation with this person is, but:

Why does she owe you a present in the first place?

Do you really expect her to make a whole new painting for you or go to some other great lengths?

You said she could have just gotten you a card, but, I would assume, that in her mind giving you this present goes far beyond just sending you a piece of paper that says halmark on the back.

Proceed as you feel fit after taking some time to think about it.
 

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