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I also remember once trying to get a "bar" venue to give us a contract for a weekend gig, complete with a deposit and a guarantee that if the venue cancelled us within 5 days of the gig, we would keep the deposit. With a straight face, the venue manager said sure, but we would have to post a bond (oddly enough in the exact amount of the deposit we wanted) that would be forfeited to the club if the BAND cancelled the gig within 7 days of the show. He also wanted a "no subs" clause that said the band he was booking consisted of the following 4 musicians, and if different people showed up the night of the gig the bond would also be forfeited. We politely declined, but decided to play there anyway and went on to 3-4 years of great paying regular gigs there.
Now
that is I guy I would like to do business with! I'd probably handle it just like you did, too.
I've only been burned once, over the matter of being paid the full amount. Never been back there, & figured it wasn't worth the trouble to pursue the matter. But that does bring up what I think is the most valuable thing that a written contract does for you: It helps you identify, up front, before any real damage is done, who is intending to screw you over. If they don't want a signed contract, why not? Is this not exactly the terms that you've both just agreed upon? Better to find out now, before any travel, before any equipment is unloaded & set up, before any music is played, etc.
The other really useful thing about contracts is that they serve as a checklist, to help you make sure you ask all the right questions. Not just money, but who else is/isn't on the bill, who's responsible for the PA, when you can load in/out, food/bar tabs, etc. All of the "little things" that sometimes get forgotten.
Oh, & one more thing: I don't think it ever hurts to look prepared & businesslike when you're conducting business. Being ready & on top of things looks good, at least to anybody that I'd care about looking good to (in a business setting).
I think most of the problems people have with contracts have more to do with how they go about them. If you've already checked off all of the important points & agree on what's going to happen, when, by whom, etc., let's just indicate here that we're in agreement, then, OK? No strong-arming, or trying to come across as some kind of bad-ass. But at that point, if we've agreed on everything so far, I'd be really curious why not? That might be the 1st tip-off that other problems lie ahead!