• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

I dont know how to feel

rstellar13

rstellar13

Sarcastic Panda
Sep 2, 2012
333
4
Allentown, PA
#1
So most of my closest friends are also musicians in this one band, they play like rock and pop punk, like the simple stuff, they kicked out their previous bass player and desperately needed a bass payer to fill the spot in a spot and per mentally, so i auditioned and got the gig and everything like that, so then they replaced me without telling me then made up a lie saying i couldn't play and just really hurt me, i dont know how to feel or act
 
#5
Im 15 but should that really make a difference in how this works, i know this was written poorly for a thread and what not, but how should this go? I preform for multiple ensembles and now starting in an orchestra soon so i thought they would be mature with me
 
#6
So what dude, who cares you can not do anything about it now.

could have done this, could have done that.

why waste time getting your feelings hurt, obvious it was not ment to be. If it is that easy to drop you, why would you wanna be stuck on tour or in a van with a bunch of dweebs like that.

if they burn yah once, then they will burn you again.

if you know your skills are high then #### them.

If you can be honest with yourself, really any musician has more to learn even old dogs been playing for 20 or more years have more to learn...or even bad habits to drop and dumb egos.

so look at your skills, be honest, practice more, learn more and be willing to drop bad habits.

If your some amazing player the again F them again, and find personalitys you can work with.

same thing happened to me, got ditched by a bunch of friends who i thought had a amazing band. 1 year latter a bunch of flake, drunks playing the same darn songs, never went anywhere.

Me found another band and got picked up by a label, and was more worried about juggling work, tour dates, and whining girlfriends.
 
#8
The question about your age was not as much about you as about the behavior of your "friends." They behaved like children. They are children. You're very young too, and, as you mature, it will get easier to write people off when they behave this way. Still sucks, but doesn't hurt as much as it makes you dismiss them as not worth your time.
 
#10
rstellar13 said:
Im 15 but should that really make a difference in how this works, i know this was written poorly for a thread and what not, but how should this go? I preform for multiple ensembles and now starting in an orchestra soon so i thought they would be mature with me
Click to expand...

You're right that age shouldn't matter, and in a perfect world it wouldn't. However, these guys are young and probably don't know how to properly handle confrontation yet. They probably figure it's easier to avoid a potentially awkward and emotionally high situation than it is to man up and and tell it to you straight. Don't take it too personally because it's their flaw, not yours. If you're involved with multiple ensembles and orchestras then chances are you're quite talented for your age and have potential elsewhere. Don't let their inability to be honest and straight with others discourage you too much. At your age it's common and not worth over analyzing.
 
#12
rstellar13 said:
I guess i should reword this, how should i talk to them about it, i guess because i go to a school with them and see them often in school?
Click to expand...

I'd probably talk to them individually and just say that you're cool with them going with someone else and you wish them well, you just wish they would have done the honest thing as friends and told it to you straight because that would have been easier on you. You may be surprised; they might not have even thought it would have been a big deal for you to not get the spot. Again, just don't over analyze. There's no reason to at your age.
 
#14
I too am in a pop punk band in high school. We only just now finalized our lineup. We have been through 3 drummers, 2 bassists, and two guitarists. There has been pretty much no drama because we decided going in that our friendships were more important than some silly little music act. I actually met my best friend because of this band but ended up firing him. He was cool about it. Point is, if these people are really your friends, you (and they) shouldn't care. Just be honest with them. And for the love of god, don't ever throw a tantrum and cuss them out or something. You will look back on it and wonder what the hell you were doing
 
#18
Don't feel any way about it. Just chalk it up to experience and move on. At 15, you still have an awful lot of years ahead of you, so don't sweat it. The experiences you get now, at your age, will help you be a better musician down the road.

I've learned one thing about the music business; it's cut-throat and you're only good enough until somebody better comes along. I've been lucky in that I was never replaced in any groups I've played with, I always left due to my own decision and moved on to a new group. However, I have seen guitarists, singers, and drummers dumped over and over again with no warning. And sometimes they are shocked.

As far as how you deal with these "acquaintances" (and I will not call them FRIENDS), you just keep it casual. Act like it's no big deal. They made a decision, and it's over. Find a new group. Don't be confrontational; you never know, down the road, when you might cross paths with one or all of them again in the music business.

Here is where you have to be honest with yourself. Were you dumped because they just liked someone better? Or were you dumped because your skill set wasn't honed enough for the group? It's tough to look in the mirror and be okay with what you see, or even acknowledge it at times. If they had a valid concern, then you know what you have to do....spend more time focusing on becoming a better player, whether it's just practicing more or lessons.

Anyway, don't sweat it. These things happen. Just forge onward and don't let it get you down.
 
#20
rstellar13 said:
So most of my closest friends are also musicians in this one band, they play like rock and pop punk, like the simple stuff, they kicked out their previous bass player and desperately needed a bass payer to fill the spot in a spot and per mentally, so i auditioned and got the gig and everything like that, so then they replaced me without telling me then made up a lie saying i couldn't play and just really hurt me, i dont know how to feel or act
Click to expand...

About all you can do is just shake it off and move on, and don’t brother trying to defend yourself to your school buddies - instead just keep getting better and before you know it, you’ll be playing with whoever you want. In other words - hang in there bro, and don’t let their comment depress you.
 

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back