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I really hate to ask this advice here, but I'm at a loss....

#21
Look at it this way: Years from now would you rather look back on this as an embarrassing moment where you got shot down or as the time when you missed a shot at making your life complete because you were too timid to ask. Just ask her. If she doesn't want to go there and she's the friend you say she is, she will make it easy for you.
 
#23
MEKer said:
so "no" on regular dates and now hints about the "grad" ?

Hmmm, sounds like either you are mis-reading her 'cuz you really really really want to have her go with you (wishing overcoming reality) or she wants you to ask (the so-called hints) cuz no one else has asked and she just wants to go.

Sounds like tap-dancing B.S. to me either way.
Wake up, get over it, ask someone else.
Click to expand...

This gentleman articulates my own sentiments.

S.P.
 
#24
dave-chaulk said:
sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, or if you've heard it a thousand times, but I trust nobody more than I trust talkbass.

the best way to start this post - "So, there's this girl", and we've been the best of friends for the past 5 or 6 years. I asked her out a few times in the past, and she's said no, but it's never effected our relationship at all.
now I want to ask her to grad (Canadian equivilant to the american "prom"), but I don't know how!
she keeps hinting at me that she wants me to ask her, but I don't know what to do!

any old farts (or young farts) on here with any advice?

Geeze, I really hope none of my friends are on this website...
Click to expand...

her stance on regular dates should be a pretty clear indication of how she views you - no romantic attachment whatsoever, just a friend. if that's the way it is, and you're cool with that too (which you might not be since you've asked her out on dates before) then just ask her, and don't make it into a thing. if you're not cool with it, then don't press it. find someone else to woo.

she's a friend only, and that's not a loss - good friends last a lot longer than girl friends do. i'm still friends with a few of the coolest girls i knew in my high school, almost 25 years later.

but stop trying to turn a radish into a cherry. if you want to go to your grad, find a girl who is interested in going with you on your terms. too many guys waste too much time when they are young trying to change the unchangeable and then feeling inadequate because they can't do it. just because you can't reach down and lift your own feet off the floor, even though they're not that heavy, that doesn't mean you're weak. some things just can't happen.
 
#25
If you don't ask, you will have regrets. Trust me -- I was terrible about situations like this in high school.

The only way you're going to find out the answer is to ask, grasshopper. :cool:
 
#29
Words of advice, never ask too many times...... If she's into you she's into you, if she aint move on..... If you waste too much time chase'n after a girl thats just not into you that way, You will pass by the one's who are really into Ya......

Just my experience in life speaking, I could be wrong.........
 
#30
Don't waste your time. You're in the dreaded friend zone. She's comfortable with your attention, and she made it clear she's not interested in you, so disappear. She's getting everything a chick wants without having to put out for it. How nice.... for her. It's time you started giving your attention to chicks that will appreciate it more. Friendship between a guy and girl is a waste of time (especially if no one's getting laid in the process).
 
#33
JMac4strngr said:
Words of advice, never ask too many times...... If she's into you she's into you, if she aint move on..... If you waste too much time chase'n after a girl thats just not into you that way, You will pass by the one's who are really into Ya......

Just my experience in life speaking, I could be wrong.........
Click to expand...

This, and what Maki said, is the truth. I did exactly this for about 5 years and missed out on a lot of opportunities that I'm kicking myself for now.

Frankly I'm of the opinion that you need to not ask her to your grad, wait until the dance is about half an hour from ending, go up to her, and straight up just kiss her right on the mouth for as long as you can get away with it.

That way there's no way she can confuse what your intentions are, and at least everyone is clear on the situation after that.
 
#34
yeah dude. Friend Zone. As apposed to the danger zone, the friend zone is somewhere you never want to fly into. In fact, you want to avoid it at all costs. If you ask a girl out, and she says no, never ask again. At that point, she's got you by the balls. I know your line of thought (please tell me if I'm wrong): "I really like her a lot, but she doesn't want to date me right now. If I'm a good friend to her and show her how nice and loving and caring I am, surely she'll change her mind and we'll get married and live happily ever after."

the thing about friendship between the opposite sexes is this: Guys are (for the most part, especially before the age of, 30 or so) friends with girls who they want to bang. It's a fact. Girls, on the other hand, are only friends with guys who they see as a non-threat. Obviously there are exceptions, but in general, this is 100% true.

Now go forth , live, and learn.
 
#35
Stop being her buddy.
Just ask her in a concise and confident manner. If she refuses, ask her best friend or her mom.

OK, that's pushing it but if she refuses, STOP giving her attention and go ask someone else and lavish attention on them.
Attention is like a hard-core drug that many many chicks are hopelessly and forever-ly addicted to. Take it away and they will do anything to get it back. (or they'll walk away and you wont have to deal with the dreaded "he's my best buddy, he's like a brother to me" useless bull crap again)
Yeah sounds harsh and male-chauvinistic but then again reality isn't pleasant. If you want some private naughty loving later, also make that CRYSTAL clear.

/thread
 
#36
MakiSupaStar said:
Don't waste your time. You're in the dreaded friend zone. She's comfortable with your attention, and she made it clear she's not interested in you, so disappear. She's getting everything a chick wants without having to put out for it. How nice.... for her. It's time you started giving your attention to chicks that will appreciate it more. Friendship between a guy and girl is a waste of time (especially if no one's getting laid in the process).
Click to expand...

I should have read this before posting my response. I could have just "+1'ed" it and save my fingers. :)
 
#39
Don't waste your time being in friend limbo. Many eons ago I hung out with a really cool, hot girl for a time. I made it clear early on that I really dug her, but she just brushed things aside, never said no, never said yes, and we just kept hanging out. Once in a while she'd make it seem like things were going somewhere, then they wouldn't.

Then one night we go for one of our super late night drives (in my Mustang) and she drops da bomb; she met some dude and they got busy. She felt good telling me cause, you know, I'm such a good friend and good listener.

I stopped taking her calls after that and never repeated the same mistake again.
 

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