i am 18 years old, and I have been playing bass since I was 16. my entire life i've been an underdog, and somewhat of a social outcast. i have serious emotional issues and extremely volatile bipolar disorder. without music, centered around bass playing, i would have nothing. it is the only constant in my life. i truly feel like without music, i would have killed myself years ago. i'm almost done with high school, my grades were always ****** until this year, and I truly feel like my life is going nowhere. i'm laying in my bed at my parents house, and i honestly don't see myself doing much with my life. i have no useful talents besides musical skill, which is still mediocre at this point. but i get better every day. That's the only reason i think I'm still alive, the fact that i can keep playing.
Enjoy the benefits of a premium membership!
Upgrade Account
-
TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
Join free Log in
Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.
i truly live only for music
- Thread starter shroomcore
- Start date
You sound exactly like a guy I knew in high school. "Music is my life", "Without music I would kill myself", "Music makes my (self diagnosed) depression better but it also makes it worse", "When I play my guitar and close my eyes, I see colours" (yeah, he said that word for word).
Turns out that guy is a massively pretentious self-absorbed attention whore with about as much musical talent as a doorknob. He's 24 now, unemployed and has a drug addiction because "Drugs make my music better".
I'm going to tell you exactly what I told him years ago. "No one cares". You can do one of two things: A) Grow up or B) Become a waste of space like this fella I know. Your call.
Sorry, but I have no pity for attention seekers.
Turns out that guy is a massively pretentious self-absorbed attention whore with about as much musical talent as a doorknob. He's 24 now, unemployed and has a drug addiction because "Drugs make my music better".
I'm going to tell you exactly what I told him years ago. "No one cares". You can do one of two things: A) Grow up or B) Become a waste of space like this fella I know. Your call.
Sorry, but I have no pity for attention seekers.
you will get eaten up in this world with that soft mind frame. get your mental disorder and give it the middle finger yo
I have a twisted feeling this guy's a massive troll, anyway. That or he's massively desperate for moral support or reassurance or some sort.
i guess i came off as attention seeking with this post, and the name certainly doesn't help. what i meant to say was something more alomg the lines of "i feel like music is the greatest thing in the world if it can make someone as downcast as me still keep going". it was really meant to be more of a uplifting post, but i kinda got absorbed into some other stuff that has no place on a bass forum.
I felt exactly the same way you do 5 years ago, so I'll give you some 'advice' based on how I now look back on my life at that time.
The reason you feel like you won't do anything with your life is because you are currently not doing anything with your life and your bipolar disorder (I don't know if you're another 'self-diagnosed, not-really-biploar-but-claims-to-be-because-it-sounds-angsty-and-cool person, or if you're legitimately unwell, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt) makes it hard to have optimistic aspirations.
What a lot of people who have never suffered mental health disorders often fail to understand is that it's NOT as easy as taking up tennis and suddenly finding that you're feeling a little chirpier. Depression of almost any kind hugely affects your will power which is why it's so hard to beat for some people. It's like the scene in "See No Evil, Hear No Evil" when Richard Pryor tries to get Gene Wilder to hear (despite him being deaf) by screaming in his ear. It's not as easy as just trying harder and harder to hear something and eventually your deafness goes away.
I don't know if you've seen a doctor or therapist at all, it can't hurt to do so if you haven't but I'll not labour the point. what I found is, you need to find a "coping mechanism" and you've found yours in music, which is what I did. Let your music have that healing power over you and it'll get you through some hard times as it did for me.
BUT - here's my advice (and everything I say here I say not out of cruelty, but embarassment over how I acted between ages 16-20ish).
First, don't be ashamed or embarassed to call a helpline. I do a lot of work for/with a charity called PAPYRUS who specialise in helping young people through depression. Info here: Invalid Link Removed
Second, being an angsty teen is all well and good, most teens are, but if you need to talk about it (which at times, you will) pick your outlet carefully. People can be very insensitive and not understand what you're feeling. The long and short of it is, you can end up appearing to be just a mopey little bitch (as I did) when in reality you may have a very serious disorder.
Third, never ever, EVER think that girls (or guys, or whoeveryou like) like guys(assuming you're a guy) who angsty and depressed. They don't. Be yourself, but don't ham it up for sympathy. Doing that just breeds more people who think of depression as "no big deal".
Fourth, there are forums dedicated to people who are depressed or suicidal looking for support, but take everything you read there with a pinch of salt if you decide to go that way. I'd recommend talking to someone from an actualy charity/professional organisation about it.
Fifth, It gets better. The only exceptions to that rule are people who go out of their way to make it worse (drugs, alcohol et al).
If music helps, let music help. It helped me. Just don't make the mistake of thinking that people who haven't suffered what you suffer with will care. Most people just don't care and that's the hard truth. Especially on the internet.
XX
The reason you feel like you won't do anything with your life is because you are currently not doing anything with your life and your bipolar disorder (I don't know if you're another 'self-diagnosed, not-really-biploar-but-claims-to-be-because-it-sounds-angsty-and-cool person, or if you're legitimately unwell, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt) makes it hard to have optimistic aspirations.
What a lot of people who have never suffered mental health disorders often fail to understand is that it's NOT as easy as taking up tennis and suddenly finding that you're feeling a little chirpier. Depression of almost any kind hugely affects your will power which is why it's so hard to beat for some people. It's like the scene in "See No Evil, Hear No Evil" when Richard Pryor tries to get Gene Wilder to hear (despite him being deaf) by screaming in his ear. It's not as easy as just trying harder and harder to hear something and eventually your deafness goes away.
I don't know if you've seen a doctor or therapist at all, it can't hurt to do so if you haven't but I'll not labour the point. what I found is, you need to find a "coping mechanism" and you've found yours in music, which is what I did. Let your music have that healing power over you and it'll get you through some hard times as it did for me.
BUT - here's my advice (and everything I say here I say not out of cruelty, but embarassment over how I acted between ages 16-20ish).
First, don't be ashamed or embarassed to call a helpline. I do a lot of work for/with a charity called PAPYRUS who specialise in helping young people through depression. Info here: Invalid Link Removed
Second, being an angsty teen is all well and good, most teens are, but if you need to talk about it (which at times, you will) pick your outlet carefully. People can be very insensitive and not understand what you're feeling. The long and short of it is, you can end up appearing to be just a mopey little bitch (as I did) when in reality you may have a very serious disorder.
Third, never ever, EVER think that girls (or guys, or whoeveryou like) like guys(assuming you're a guy) who angsty and depressed. They don't. Be yourself, but don't ham it up for sympathy. Doing that just breeds more people who think of depression as "no big deal".
Fourth, there are forums dedicated to people who are depressed or suicidal looking for support, but take everything you read there with a pinch of salt if you decide to go that way. I'd recommend talking to someone from an actualy charity/professional organisation about it.
Fifth, It gets better. The only exceptions to that rule are people who go out of their way to make it worse (drugs, alcohol et al).
If music helps, let music help. It helped me. Just don't make the mistake of thinking that people who haven't suffered what you suffer with will care. Most people just don't care and that's the hard truth. Especially on the internet.
XX
And to all the rest of you - it's all well and good saying you think OP is a troll or whatever, but suicide is the most comon cause of death among young people in the UK. The suicide rates among teens in this country are frightening.
Just think about that before you tell someone pouring their heart out about something they love that no-one cares. If you can't say anything nice.. etc.
xx
Just think about that before you tell someone pouring their heart out about something they love that no-one cares. If you can't say anything nice.. etc.
xx
Bro I'm 18 and I have a pretty bleak outlook on life also. I think it happens to all of us around this age. We're faced with the real world and it scares the hell out of us. You'll be fine.
To the OP:
You said you were always kind of a social outcast, so I'm assuming you're not in a band?
Maybe the best thing for you in this situation is to put yourself out there and look for a group of guys who are into the same music as you. You could potentially make some new friends which could potentially make you feel better, and I know I get a sense of accomplishment when my band nails a cover song, writes a new song, etc.
I know it'll be hard at first for you to do this, but what do you really have to lose? You already play bass, and love music, tons of bands are always looking for a bass player to hold down the low end.
It's worth a shot.
Also, don't get down on yourself if the first or second band doesn't work, thats just part of playing music. You have to find a band that you can connect with. I met you drummer at work and consider him to be a pretty decent friend of mine. Every Saturday (no matter what kind of mood in in) I always go to band practice and enjoy myself just for the simple fact that I'm doing something I love with some of my buddies.
You said you were always kind of a social outcast, so I'm assuming you're not in a band?
Maybe the best thing for you in this situation is to put yourself out there and look for a group of guys who are into the same music as you. You could potentially make some new friends which could potentially make you feel better, and I know I get a sense of accomplishment when my band nails a cover song, writes a new song, etc.
I know it'll be hard at first for you to do this, but what do you really have to lose? You already play bass, and love music, tons of bands are always looking for a bass player to hold down the low end.
It's worth a shot.
Also, don't get down on yourself if the first or second band doesn't work, thats just part of playing music. You have to find a band that you can connect with. I met you drummer at work and consider him to be a pretty decent friend of mine. Every Saturday (no matter what kind of mood in in) I always go to band practice and enjoy myself just for the simple fact that I'm doing something I love with some of my buddies.
