I'm getting fed up with the band!!

[ddino]

I'll try to keep this concise!

I really don't know where this band experience is going, for me and the band in general.

I was asked to join by my uni friend and vocalist/guitarist after the original bassist quit. I've been playing with these guys for about a year now.

But I'm getting the feeling that it's not for me, despite having made friends with the other guys and having a friend in the band. Here's what grinds my gears:

1) I'm not liking the music
At first, I wasn't too jazzed about the material they told me to learn off their EP - it was pretty generic "alt rock." The guitarists swear they're moving away from the (and they admit) crappy songs on the EP; in fact, we've written some decent songs together that take a totally different direction.

But still, nothing we write really inspires me as a musician. There's no real energy or excitement, at least for me. Most of the stuff is pretty guitar-driven, none of the songs are very interesting. It's all the same verse-chorus-verse-chorus structure, medium tempo, pentatonic guitar leads/solos, etc.

I've tried to get the band to listen to more music by sending them a list of cool songs of different genres. But the guys either didn't even bother to listen to any of it or told me that they didn't like it.

I've written some skeletons of songs on bass, but the guitarists seem to have no clue what to do because the song is not guitar-driven. One of the guitarists (not the singer) sometimes just stands there playing single note harmonies of the riff I just played because he doesn't know how to play around a bassline.

The guitarists also tend to be stuck in a certain way of playing. They love playing acoustic open mic gigs, and so their electric guitar playing/song-writing often comes off as transposing an acoustic song directly onto a Les Paul w/ overdrive. It sounds pretty messy at worst, very boring at best.

Again, I've tried to nudge (maybe "nicely push") the band in a more creative (IMO) direction, but it doesn't seem to work.

Sometimes the guys say I look bored, and one of our friends who watched one of our rehearsals says we don't look active enough while playing. Well, our music isn't anything to jump around for or get excited about, IMHO.


And I don't know if I want to stay in a band that doesn't excite me. I feel like I'm always waiting for the band to change into something I'll be *really* excited about, but I don't know if that will ever happen.

2) Musical influences are too different
I used to play in a Rage Against the Machine cover band, and I still listen to a lot of punk and metal music. I'm also really into electronic and hip-hop music.

But when I try to push the band to write a song that is a bit more hip-hoppy or punky, they are very hesitant to do so and sort of let the idea drop to the wayside. Their idea of "punk" is just adding distortion to a blues-rock riff.

On the car ride to/from our rehearsal space, the guitarists always gush about Simon & Garfunkel or Oasis or the Beatles. I don't mind those guys either, but I'd much rather talk about the Clash, the Jam, Bad Brains, etc. The drummer only knows hair metal bands.

I hope you get my drift. It's not just "Oh we don't like the same music," but I feel like because our influences are so different, we're approaching the band from totally different angles and coming to rehearsals with totally different expectations regarding what a good song is, what kind of attitudes to bring to the music, etc.


3)Musicianship
I don't consider myself a guru at ALL when it comes to musical theory or guitar set-up or anything, but the guitarists don't seem to know about tone at all, nor do they seem to know anything about the effects they use.

The 2nd guitarist sometimes has a horrid tone for a few songs, and I've suggested that he change the effects settings or his guitar tone. He had no clue what I meant by "tone," so I said "lows, mids, highs... yknow... tone controls?" And he nodded, but didn't change anything. I've also never seen him play with the settings on his multi-fx, almost like he just uses the stock effects without tweaking them.

Sometimes it sounds pretty bad, but no one seems to say anything except me. I don't think I'm being picky, but when you have so much reverb/delay on top of a guitar tone that has too much low mid on it very compressed, it's pretty bad.

Also, the guitarists seem to hate using overdrive/distortion, so the songs sound really empty and have no edge. I've brought this up multiple times, nothing's changed.

The drummer always plays wayyyy too hard, even after the rest of us beg him to play softer for the sake of everything that is holy. He also tends to over-play a lot, like the guitarists.

We've had talks about "having a simpler sound," but it doesn't seem to translate into any actual changes in the sound.

They pay a lot of attention to the structure of a song and to the notes they play, but not to the actual sound of their instruments.


4) Unequal responsibilities/work
Since joining the band, I've been sort of designated the "Internet Guy." Meaning, I'm more or less in charge of maintaining/updating our social media sites. But the only reason that is is because the other guys had NO CLUE how to set up these things and I volunteered to set them up. Because I set them up, I became "in charge" of them.

I told the guys they could post updates and stuff too, but they don't really.

So basically, they were a gigging band in 2011/2012 that still only used MySpace (complete with crappy recordings and out-of-date information) until I came along. And they still don't make an effort to utilize anything I set up for the band.

Another thing is that soon after I joined, the other guys said they really wanted to enter into some local radio contests. Fine. I figured they already started working on the applications, had the guidelines and deadlines in mind.

Turns out they never read the guidelines or attempted to get ANYTHING organized for the contests until *I* sent them an e-mail with the URL and paperwork and everything about a week ago. The deadline for one is in a week or so, and we haven't done anything.

I feel like I'm the "naggy mother" of the band. I'm also probably the least serious about being a professional musician (this comes up next), yet I feel I am the only one with my **** together.

5) I'm not in it for the long run
I don't want to be a professional musician, whereas these guys TALK like they want to be. I'm not sure that this would work out in the end anyway.


We've got a couple of gigs lined up - one in May, the other in July.

After our gig in May (our EP release show), i think I'm going to re-evaluate how I feel.



What do you guys think about my situation?

But if I do decide to quit, would it be bad form to announce that I want quit when we have a show lined up in July?

 

[greggster59]

It sounds like you're not having any fun being in this band and, if you do not aspire to to be a pro, isn't that what you're in it for?

If you want to be gracious you can always tell them that you are leaving the band but will play the July gig if they need you to.

Life is too short to spend a lot time in a situation that makes you unhappy. Besides, most of us already have something like that in our lives. It's called a job.

 

[quarryman]

My advice to you would be to print off your post and distribute it to the band. Let these guys know where you are coming from in a non confrontational way. Too often in these situations we let what we are feeling get pushed aside because we don't want to rock the boat, although it would benefit the band. To me it sounds like you have pretty much made up your mind to quit, so what have you got to loose? It might turn things around for you! I would always honor gigs that were booked while your were a member, it's just good business, unless of course they find a replacement.

 

[BruceBass3901]

I think I can completely see where you are coming from and have in fact just quit a band for a few of the above reasons;

1) I used the band as a way of enjoying playing my instruement and entertaining the people who came to see us (predominatly my friends and people I ask to come becasue none of the rest of the band ever leave their houses). They also want to try and make a living out of the band but have no grasp on reality regarding the involved costs of travelling to and from gigs.

2) It was a Sleaze / Hard Rock / Glam Rock outfit... Before playing with these guys, I had never considered playing this kind of music, and although I enjoy it (particularly listening to the bands I discovered through them), it is not a bass driven type of music. If I tried to do something that perhaps Nikki Sixx or Duff McKagan wouldn't do, I would get very odd looks and told to just follow what the guitar was doing.

3) None of them have any other real commitments. Each have a part time job, whereas I have 2 part time jobs and go to Uni at least 4 days a week. Apparantly, I am not 'commited' as I am not comfortable missing lectures or deadlines so that we can go to a town or city that would be a good days drive to get to, just to 'play to a new audience'. For example, the guitarist is sort of in charge of booking gigs and found a load in London and Yorkshire and was looking at more in Brighton, Bournemouth, Cardiff and Reading... We live in Portsmouth, so all of these are a good distance away and are not financially viable for them as they always claim they have no money and we aren't being paid for the gigs.

4) They live in a virtual world where the number of 'Likes' we have on Facebook actually equats to tickets sale... when in fact it is the same group of MY mates from Uni or my hometown who come to see us.

5) The guitarist's fiancee (who lives with her mother, as does the guitarist and drummer ((brothers)) and her mother think that they are the bands ''managment'' and think that whatever they say goes. I can't help but think of the Beatles and *cough* well *cough* that ended everytime I get moaned at about not being commited by them.

I quit last weekend knowing that we had 2 gigs left this month, which I offered to play. There are several more gigs booked for June and July, and my view on it is perhaps a little harsh, as I see it as a chance to give them a bit of a wakeup call, in that if they can't find another bass player by that point, they will have to do exactly what they criticised me for doing... Turning down gigs due to problems or other commitments.

I work on the idea that if it isn't fun anymore and you aren't enjoying it, then its time to bail. Be fair, but don't let them walk all over you by asking for 'just one more gig' becasue they keep booking more.

Hope this helps man

 

[sloppy_phil]

damn dude, sounds like a lot is on your mind! and it's clear that you've got some pretty valid concerns about where this band is going. I totally get the feeling of sticking around because you see the potential waiting to be tapped, so i understand why you're not just immediately bailing in what seems like the face of overwhelming evidence suggesting you should. But it also is a LOT of said evidence! I think you should sit these guys down and basically outline everything you've said here (very politely) to them. Let them know that this stuff is a deal-breaker for you, and see what happens. If your presence in the band is important enough, they will take what you say seriously. Is it possible they were just truly unaware (ie: completely f'ing oblivious!) about how much work you are putting in compared to them? They need a wake-up call.

I would offer to play all gigs that are booked at the time of said discussion, but no more than that. If things go south, they might not even want you to play the shows, but it's the pro thing to do by offering, and you'll have the moral high ground during any potential fallout.

I'd like to hear how this goes; best of luck!

 

[bluewine]

This must be an age thing, I guess I am dated.

I have no idea why it is so difficult for guys to know what they want to do in music and how to find a fit. I know geographic location has an impact on opportunities for some.

What is left out of these threads is age, which I feel is important. again the responce to someone in their teens would be different for an older guy dealing with these issues.

I really have a hard time understanding guys that get involved with the concept of a band but don't really place a high priority on gigging.in some of these threads it seams like gigging is a mere after thought.

All I can say is, if your not having fun, bail.

blue

 

[Munjibunga]

After our gig in May (our EP release show), i think I'm going to re-evaluate how I feel.

Good idea.

 

[deeptubes]

Sounds like these guys are one big pipe dream. They enjoy talking about and daydreaming about "making it big" and playing sold out stadiums. But, they are lacking the knowledge of what needs to be done and the dedication to do it. Almost like they're content just spinning their wheels.

If you're over it, bail. You sound kind of miserable. No point in that. Playing in a band does take work, it's a relationship. But, it should be enjoyable, not a chore.

 

[smperry]

I like your thought about evaluating the situation after the May showcase. I don't think you should split (or even say you're going to split) before the gig; that would be bad form imo & you might feel differently after that. I think it's okay to mention it then if you're sure you want to bail; personally, I'd offer to do the July gig if they can't get anyone else in place.

 

[imustscream]

This is why before joining a band I try to picture where my enthusiasem level will be 6 months later. I get the feeling a lot of guys don't do that and feel peer pressured into joining a band and playing music they don't like.

 

[invader3k]

What's the old triangle of being in a band? Money, people, and music. Doesn't sound like you have or enjoy any of the three in your current situation. I would probably give my notice ASAP.

 

[charlie monroe]

What's the old triangle of being in a band? Money, people, and music. Doesn't sound like you have or enjoy any of the three in your current situation. I would probably give my notice ASAP.

...despite having made friends with the other guys and having a friend in the band.

Sounds like he has at least one leg of the triangle...

 

[tZer]

A couple questions:
1) Do you record and does everyone listen to your rehearsals?
-- If so, the issues about how things sound stop being subjective and start having objective points to discuss and potentially correct.
-- If not, almost everything you say about the 'sound' is entirely subjective and subject to influence by things like where you stand in the room, your mood, someone else's mood - and many other things that can leave you feeling like things "sound bad" even though the reality of how you sound doesn't bear that out.

2) Are you open to the musical styles of the rest of the band?
-- If you are, then you should embrace the idea that the collective taste of the band favors melodic, common pop structures and find a way to love that.
-- If not, you are probably in the wrong band. You all need to have a few plots of common ground available in order to be cohesive and appear genuinely interested in your own music.

Recommendations:
1) Record yourselves regularly
2) Listen to your recordings on your own. Do this the next day - and even weeks later. I have found that there have been many times when I have felt that our session sounded bad only to be proved very wrong by listening to it the following day. I have also discovered amazing sounding sessions that I'd all but written off because I didn't hear the spark right away - but once I did, it was obvious that there is so much more to what makes a band sound "good" that is not always readily obvious to each player in the moment.

 

[ddino]

Thanks for the replies everyone. You've all given me some food for thought, and I'm glad I'm not the only one who has been in this situation.

You're all right, I'll have to sit down with the guys sometime soon and discuss this all with them.

God... it's like having another significant other, except it's 3 people.

A couple questions:
1) Do you record and does everyone listen to your rehearsals?
-- If so, the issues about how things sound stop being subjective and start having objective points to discuss and potentially correct.
-- If not, almost everything you say about the 'sound' is entirely subjective and subject to influence by things like where you stand in the room, your mood, someone else's mood - and many other things that can leave you feeling like things "sound bad" even though the reality of how you sound doesn't bear that out.

Yeah, we do record and listen to our rehearsals. Overall, the sound tone-wise and note-wise is fine, I'm mainly complaining about certain leads in a few songs, but I'm afraid if I don't really get the guitarist to see the problems now, it'll set a precedent.

Also, many of the songs were written and performed by the band for about a year or two before I joined - they can't hear what's wrong with the songs, but I feel like there are many things that could improve. I tell them, but they can't hear it because they're so used to how the song currently sounds.

2) Are you open to the musical styles of the rest of the band?
-- If you are, then you should embrace the idea that the collective taste of the band favors melodic, common pop structures and find a way to love that.
-- If not, you are probably in the wrong band. You all need to have a few plots of common ground available in order to be cohesive and appear genuinely interested in your own music.

I'm open to all kinds of music in that I listen to everything from Behemoth to Erykah Badu to Amy Winehouse. I've even tried to bring in a few reggae-ish beats to turn into a song, but no one bites. I suppose I'm also not really against the standard pop song structure. I think I just don't like our current sound.

Recommendations:
1) Record yourselves regularly
2) Listen to your recordings on your own. Do this the next day - and even weeks later. I have found that there have been many times when I have felt that our session sounded bad only to be proved very wrong by listening to it the following day. I have also discovered amazing sounding sessions that I'd all but written off because I didn't hear the spark right away - but once I did, it was obvious that there is so much more to what makes a band sound "good" that is not always readily obvious to each player in the moment.

Thanks, I appreciate your advice.

The thing is, it's not like everything sounds terrible. It's not bad. But that's the thing - it's not wonderful and exciting either.

 

[john_g]

Ive wrote it before here on TB, but after years of holding onto bands way longer than I should, I learned my lesson and now consider myself a "free agent". I am committed to my current band but I do whats best for me. If a band is causing me more than a little stress, I walk. Unless you are making a living from your band, you have no obligations.

 

[ddino]

Is it possible they were just truly unaware (ie: completely f'ing oblivious!) about how much work you are putting in compared to them? They need a wake-up call.

Well, to be fair, I'm currently unemployed (not to say that I'm not searching for employment, which is itself almost a job), while our vocalist/guitarist has a part-time job, 2nd guitarist is finishing up school, and the drummer has a full-time job.

But I think regardless of our commitments, we should be trying to split the work evenly. Of course, some members will cry technological illiteracy (and he's 23... no excuse!) or just "being tired" from going to the gym. ******** like that.

This must be an age thing, I guess I am dated.

I have no idea why it is so difficult for guys to know what they want to do in music and how to find a fit. I know geographic location has an impact on opportunities for some.

What is left out of these threads is age, which I feel is important. again the responce to someone in their teens would be different for an older guy dealing with these issues.

I really have a hard time understanding guys that get involved with the concept of a band but don't really place a high priority on gigging.in some of these threads it seams like gigging is a mere after thought.

All I can say is, if your not having fun, bail.

blue

3/4 of the band are in their early-mid 20s, drummer is a bit older (30s).

I guess I got involved w/ a band (as did the others) because we love music and want to create music.

I think also, it's through experience that we young whippersnappers learn what we want to do in music. I have the feeling now that I just want to be able to make music on my own terms, without the drama of a band.

Sounds like these guys are one big pipe dream. They enjoy talking about and daydreaming about "making it big" and playing sold out stadiums. But, they are lacking the knowledge of what needs to be done and the dedication to do it. Almost like they're content just spinning their wheels.

If you're over it, bail. You sound kind of miserable. No point in that. Playing in a band does take work, it's a relationship. But, it should be enjoyable, not a chore.

Yeah, to be honest, when I joined and knew the band had been together for about 1-2 years prior, I was surprised at how little they did to promote themselves or at least take some decent pictures and keep up to date with the Internet. It didn't sync up with some talk that went around about "becoming a musician."

"Real" musicians at least know what goddamn "tone" means. God... that bugs me soooo much!!

And you're right, even though it's hard sometimes, it shouldn't be a chore, which I feel like it is at this point. I feel like I'm going through the motions without really enjoying it.

 

[Wallyworld]

From a (very) old timer's viewpoint, you are much more focused on what you want to play, what you want to do with your musical skills, and you are, well, just plain more 'with it' with how a band moves, gets in the same groove, etc. I agree with just about everybody who's logged in already: UNLESS this is your way of making money for the immediate, right now thing, this is not your for your good and maybe not for 'theirs' (the only band members). It does get complicated if you have a very good friend who is in the band ---- talk with him directly. If he truly is a very good friend, he will put your needs and wants ahead of his own. You can still be a good friend of his -- maybe even a better friend to him because your honest with him (this is coming from a guy who's been through a lot of bands). We (fellow bassists) have 'been there' with you. Play what you want! There's other who want to play the same music you want and who you can get along with --- hard to believe, I know! Best to you!

 

[tZer]

Thanks for the replies everyone. You've all given me some food for thought, and I'm glad I'm not the only one who has been in this situation.

You're all right, I'll have to sit down with the guys sometime soon and discuss this all with them.

God... it's like having another significant other, except it's 3 people.



Yeah, we do record and listen to our rehearsals. Overall, the sound tone-wise and note-wise is fine, I'm mainly complaining about certain leads in a few songs, but I'm afraid if I don't really get the guitarist to see the problems now, it'll set a precedent.

Also, many of the songs were written and performed by the band for about a year or two before I joined - they can't hear what's wrong with the songs, but I feel like there are many things that could improve. I tell them, but they can't hear it because they're so used to how the song currently sounds.



I'm open to all kinds of music in that I listen to everything from Behemoth to Erykah Badu to Amy Winehouse. I've even tried to bring in a few reggae-ish beats to turn into a song, but no one bites. I suppose I'm also not really against the standard pop song structure. I think I just don't like our current sound.




Thanks, I appreciate your advice.

The thing is, it's not like everything sounds terrible. It's not bad. But that's the thing - it's not wonderful and exciting either.

Well - you may be right - or not. It may just not sound right to you.

If you were citing globally 'bad' stuff... like the guitar is always off or the sound is always unbalanced and nasty (wrong notes, uncontrolled noise - provable, non-opinion things) then I'd say you might be right - but a little here, a little there - that sounds to me more like a case of opinions that aren't aligning. If that's the case, you need to ask yourself if you are able to change your opinion. If you can't - why should they?

 

[powderfinger]

What is a "uni friend"? Is that like a uni corn?

 

[Toastfuzz]

This must be an age thing, I guess I am dated.

I have no idea why it is so difficult for guys to know what they want to do in music and how to find a fit. I know geographic location has an impact on opportunities for some.

What is left out of these threads is age, which I feel is important. again the responce to someone in their teens would be different for an older guy dealing with these issues.

I really have a hard time understanding guys that get involved with the concept of a band but don't really place a high priority on gigging.in some of these threads it seams like gigging is a mere after thought.

All I can say is, if your not having fun, bail.

blue

Jesus blue, you used to complain all day about not being able to find a band to play in (not even gonna dig up the old threads, other people have called you out on it before) and I have no issue with you, you often add good advice to the conversation, but when you jump in these "band management" threads preaching about how life is all about professional gigging, its not hard to find a successful band, grow up get out of the basement, young musicians need to get their sh*t together, blah blah blah, it makes me cringe cuz mere months ago you were in the same boat. Get off your high horse already, we know you're happy with your band.

And if this response seems poignant, its cuz alot of us use the Band Management forums to vent our frustrations with the exact same problem you went through months ago, which OP (and myself) are in now. Finding a solid gig sucks. You've mentioned many times you'd rather play music you aren't passionate about if it means gigging... not everyone's priorities are lined up like that, not everyone's willing to compromise their passion for a paycheck.