Then you are stronger than me.
I'll just throw this out: You can have "an affair" without ever touching each other. The reason there are so many workplace romances (and cheating) is because people that work together actually really get to know each other. When a man and woman, in such an environment, reach a certain "chemistry", it can be poison, EVEN TO STRONG MARRIAGES. The way you avoid it is by preventing the chemistry from building up. And if the woman really is hotter than most, it amplifies the situation considerably.
I'm not saying it won't be fine. It's just that I can't emphasize enough that you really are playing with fire if you let her in the band. And I can justify that with one quote from your post: ...but yeah I have a girlfriend and she doesn't like the idea one bit, but I'm not a sleezebag I wouldn't want to jeopardize the band just over a piece of ass... no matter how hott...
You don't have to be a sleezebag to succumb. You need only be a normal, red-blooded male in the right situation. Sleezebags are the ones that bring her in specifically to get in her pants. The rest of us are just flawed men that sometimes make mistakes
BTW, I'm not talking from personal experience. At least, not completely followed through on, but I know the temptation and how distracting it can be. I'm 61 and have been around the block a few times. I've seen what has happened to others and, being a man, I know the heart of man. I see how it happens.
I'm just giving you a heads up. This is a real thing and part of the human experience.
Oh, and based on what you said regarding your girlfriend, if you let this girl in the band, you'll be looking for a new girlfriend sooner rather than later, regardless of what happens with this other girl. Like I said, I've been around the block a few times. This one is VERY predictable.
Hmmm is there a reason why you are now in a band with your wife?? LOL Kinda like when couples get joint facebook accounts... its like hmmm guess who cheated... haha JK JK
All very true, I dunno I guess when it comes to music, especially the possibility of eventually making money this way, that is what I have passion and drive for, also I always wanted to be in a band with a front woman, its just the music I am into. now I mean if 5 years down the road we are making it good in the music world and something happens thats a new story but first things first the music.
If she's a local celebrity with lots of fans, she may be a draw. If her singing sucks, though, the very fact of being high-profile could blow up in her face, and in yours. She could become the local joke real fast. I wouldn't overemphasize the draw factor of a "hot" lead singer chick. If guys just want to look at hot chicks, they have other places to go. Women do respond to other women being attractive, but they also don't want to be overshadowed or threatened. What you want is a front person who can be Queen Bee of the Party, making sure everyone feels good about being there and having a good time. That requires both musical ability and stage persona. Attractiveness is a secondary factor.
As for the potential for confused judgment, a confession: I was really attracted to the singerbabe of one of my bands when I first joined. It was distracting, and created a situation with all kinds of land mines. Fortunately, I never stepped on any of them. As I got to know her better, and got a more balanced view of her overall abilities and character, I got over it. Now I just work with her like any other band mate. She's not perfect, but overall is a good frontperson. Bottom line; if you're personally attracted to her, keep your distance. Judge her potential contribution to the band as though she were a guy. Factor in personality and potential for drama as well as musical ability.
Well I'll put it this way with her singing. When I first jammed with my original band I didn't care for our singers voice, first impression it sounded like he didnt think anything changed in the music industry since the early 80's. It was straight up classic rock but with new lyrics. Anyway eventually it grew on me, I never thought his singing was bad, I thought he was actually good it just wasnt my cup of tea. Anyway after we had some pro recordings made I submitted them to reverbnation crowd reviews and the verdict was get a new singer this guy is batpoopie horrible and pathetic. a few people didnt mind the singing, but to new listeners, it just stuck out and I had no idea. I mean I listen to Hole and Bob Dylan for christs sake bad singing doesn't really stick out to me, but now a days listeners have an ear for vocals, they look into it more than any other element. Personally my ears respond to bass drums and guitar, the singing comes last but that's me, most everyone else is focused on the lungs.
So although I think shes a fine singer, I really do, but does she have the professional chops to go pro? Well have to see and I may even try to get a person that can help me with that because I'm not sure if I can tell a good singer from a great one. To me as long as you're not flat or cracking your voice its all good.
Also worth mentioning she is nice and charming to EVERYONE. Compared to my old singer she is a delight to be around, its actually funny because she brought that up while we were talking about one of our past shows. She mentioned she didnt care for how the old guitard ignored her when she complimented him. I said "Yeah he can be a bit of a diva from time to time." She responded "No he's a complete sociopath, if someone compliments you and tries to start a conversation, unless your busy you dont ignore them or walk away, I deal with a bunch of creeps I have to be polite with just so I dont look like a bitch theres no reason for any musician or artist to be so rude to a fan, how do you expect people to go to shows if you act like an ass to everyone except your friends?"
Actually brought up a pretty huge red flag I missed... I never thought he was that bad, but in hindsight he was flat out rude to my girlfriend and would do this thing where he'd walk away halfway through a conversation which got annoying... OS I guess thats another pro on letting her join, girls got crowd experience and is not a total dick +1. LOL
