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My Son Got His First Girlfriend!
- Thread starter BayStateBass
- Start date
Kids today know about sex at a lot earlier an age. Keep on keeping tabs on him.
I first tried to have sex at age 11 inside giant offroad tires at the playground, but could not get a boner yet.
I first tried to have sex at age 11 inside giant offroad tires at the playground, but could not get a boner yet.
Yeah.....I suppose.
He's my first. So he's my learn-as-you-go kid who gets the brunt of my mistakes, unfortunately.....
I had extremely strict parents. Give you an example; I was 12 years old when "Dune" came out at the movie theater. All of my friends were going, they were mostly 13 (I was one of the youngest in my class), and I was invited. My parents would not let me go because I was not 13. They were like that.
I'll have to have "the talk" with him, I guess. I remember getting it from my dad. It consisted of "Get her pregnant and you're on your own". Nothing more.
Hope I do better with it.......
just be real & honest, you'll do fine. My 17 yr old son & I are best buds, and always have been. I'm really not looking forward to him leaving for college in the fall. My daughter and I need to be closer, but still have a good relationship. Just stay out of "because I said so" mode and you'll be fine. Never try and BS a kid, they can see through it every time.
Nothing is going to feel very stiff inside a hole that big.
Very tempting to sig. quote that. LOL!!
First off, let me say that my big brother (RIP) had Aspergers Syndrome and it sounds like your son is doing very well in the new school, so congrats on finding a positive or more suitable school for him! Most of the time my brother had a hard time getting any female to notice him because he was rather short (5'4") and a pretty hairy guy.
I had my first girlfriend at age 13 and yeah it's just puppy love at that age, but the important thing is this will build up his confidence as long as things stay reasonable. Little "dates" with parents or other family/trusted adult friends around is an excellent way to do this, same as playing local coffee shop gigs will build up confidence for bigger venues. This also gets that first heartbreak out of the way early on, definitely something good to get out of the way sooner than later. I'd say it sounds good so far, and who knows, maybe even if they split later on, they could get back together later in life and pick up where they left off. I'd say your son is doing pretty good for a 13 year old
EDIT: Also, please remember to give them some space when you are out with them. Nothing was worse than parents eavesdropping constantly while on a date, need to be within eyeshot, not always earshot distance. This also establishes trust and will likely make him less self-conscious/nervous on the date. Just a tip from personal experience with it lol
I had my first girlfriend at age 13 and yeah it's just puppy love at that age, but the important thing is this will build up his confidence as long as things stay reasonable. Little "dates" with parents or other family/trusted adult friends around is an excellent way to do this, same as playing local coffee shop gigs will build up confidence for bigger venues. This also gets that first heartbreak out of the way early on, definitely something good to get out of the way sooner than later. I'd say it sounds good so far, and who knows, maybe even if they split later on, they could get back together later in life and pick up where they left off. I'd say your son is doing pretty good for a 13 year old
EDIT: Also, please remember to give them some space when you are out with them. Nothing was worse than parents eavesdropping constantly while on a date, need to be within eyeshot, not always earshot distance. This also establishes trust and will likely make him less self-conscious/nervous on the date. Just a tip from personal experience with it lol
Folks, remember that one of the challenges associated with Asperger's syndrome is a limited ability to make emotional responses in a real-world setting. Though Aspys are not incapable of understanding emotion in a theoretical sense, they often have difficulty actually interacting emotionally. Since, particularly at 13, dating is mostly about emotions, I anticipate that this will be a higher hurdle for the OP's child than many of his peers.
At the same time, I expect that the girl involved is already aware that the young man is a bit odd, and that may be part of the attraction. I dated an Aspy Girl for a while, and being with someone who is smart and has cool obsessions has its own rewards.
At the same time, I expect that the girl involved is already aware that the young man is a bit odd, and that may be part of the attraction. I dated an Aspy Girl for a while, and being with someone who is smart and has cool obsessions has its own rewards.
Yup. That's the challenge. 100%. Not just in dating, but in peer relationships in general. I can see you understand what the biggest hurdle is.
Well, he went on his "date", and it was a success! I hung around a little while and chatted with the girl's mom. We kinda compared notes about the kids some, and in listening to her describe what her daughter is like, along with what I was able to pick up on just in briefly talking with the girl and observing her mannerisms, the two kids are pretty similar. The lack of eye contact, the monotone speech, the social awkwardness (her mom told me she had always been very socially awkward and did not make friends very easily, she gets fixated on topics, etc...) lead me to believe that there is a possibility that she may, on some level, also have a form of autism similar to my son's. Somehow they seem to understand each other and can communicate well.
But he had a great time! I didn't hang around the entire time, just for a while, and her mother gave him a ride home. He was so excited! And I was happy for him.
Unfortunately, later that night we had to give him some terrible news. His best friend's brother was killed in a car accident earlier that day. Danny looked up to Jeremy like a big brother; Jeremy had taught him how to ride snowmobiles and dirtbikes, took a shine to Danny from a young age, and was an all-around great kid who treated Danny like he was part of their family. 17 years old.
And, as life is so fond of doing to people, Danny's best day of his life instantly became one of his worst. We are heartbroken for the family, who we know very well.
Asperger's manifests somewhat differently in girls, and there are a couple of good books on that manifestation. The good news is, I know of several Aspys who have perfectly fulfilling relationships, either with neurotypical partners or with fellow Aspys. It's a challenge and a hurdle, but it is possible.
Wow. I don't even know what to say. So happy that it went well for him, and so sad for the loss of his friend's brother.
^ This.
OP - my oldest son is 34 and has never had a g/f. Super high I.Q. but his personality will probably never grant him enough emotional energy to have a personal relationship or even pursue one. It's like he's asexual. So long story short - be thankful your son is not more severely afflicted. The social interactions, expectations, acceptance & rejection{eventually, odds are} from a personal relationship is a very positive occurrencefor someone with a spectrum disorder.
Sometimes however, ignoring it until it pretty much flaps up in your face is the best approach to dating.
