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Need help telling someone "no thank you"

Hutzbordello

Hutzbordello

Mar 18, 2010
1,476
41
Western Massachusetts, USA
#1
So I've been putting out Craigslist ads for a while now. I finally met two people yesterday and tuesday. They both asked about jamming again. I had banked on the idea that one of them wouldnt want me to join their respective band. However I would enjoy playing in one more than the other one.

So I already feel bad about telling one of them no thank you, Im wondering if anyone has advice.
 
#2
It's like ripping off a band-aid bro. Just do it fast and do it now. Tell him you are kinda moving in a different direction or tell him that you found a band that wants you to play with them or tell him whatever. Just tell him.
 
#4
It is always best to tell the truth while maintaining a musical connection to people you meet. Tell him you either found another situation more suited to what you want to do or you are going to continue to look for what you want. Whichever is true. Also, tell him that if you run across somebody else who is looking, you will recommend him to them. Sometimes, helping each other out ends up benefiting all parties involved for the best.
 
#7
"Hey, it was great meeting you, and I appreciate your interest in jamming with me. Unfortunately, I've found another opportunity that a better fit for my musical goals. Thanks again, and good luck in your musical endeavors."

I'll add this: Saying 'no' is something that happens often in life. Those incapable of doing it are typically taken advantage of their entire lives.
 
#8
"Thanks for the offer. I'm still lookin' for a situation that feels right to me. Good luck with your project."

On the other hand...

I had banked on the idea that one of them wouldn't want me to join their respective band.
Click to expand...

First, if you didn't want to jam with them (or anyone else) in the first place, I think you should have turned them down upfront.

So now you kinda wasted their time and yours "banking" on something they would do that you couldn't and now you want to flake out on them?

I suggest you learn to be more assertive in stating what you want/need (which is under your control) upfront instead of depending on the actions of others (which is not under your control). Learn to deal with confrontation (or what you perceive as confrontation) head on. Take a stand and stand by it. No need to be mean or yell and scream to get what you want. No need to seek other's approval before you do or not do something. Sometimes there will be consequences you may or may not like but why not chose your own way?

Don't worry about "hurting" anyone's feeling's when you speak up. At least they will respect you for making a decision rather than not.

I mean, before you went out to jam with them you could have let them know that you wouldn't be able to make any commitments. Or just said "no thank you" when they asked you to jam.

Also, jamming with someone, IMO, is not really "joining a band. I you want to jam but not make a band, see if they would be interested in doing that on a semi-regular basis with no commitments, if that interests you.
 
#9
guy n. cognito said:
"Hey, it was great meeting you, and I appreciate your interest in jamming with me. Unfortunately, I've found another opportunity that a better fit for my musical goals. Thanks again, and good luck in your musical endeavors."

I'll add this: Saying 'no' is something that happens often in life. Those incapable of doing it are typically taken advantage of their entire lives.
Click to expand...

Yup. Just tell him you've found something else that you have a little more interest in right now. No need to burn any bridges.
 
#10
guy n. cognito said:
"Hey, it was great meeting you, and I appreciate your interest in jamming with me. Unfortunately, I've found another opportunity that a better fit for my musical goals. Thanks again, and good luck in your musical endeavors."

I'll add this: Saying 'no' is something that happens often in life. Those incapable of doing it are typically taken advantage of their entire lives.
Click to expand...

^ i agree with this in every way.
 

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