I think I can shed a little light on this. My terrible secret is out: I'm really a drummer who also plays bass, and not the other way around!
(waits for gasps to die out and starts slowly backing towards the exit)
When I play drums I am looking for the guy who I can lock in with the best. This may or may not be the bass player, depending on the size of the group. In one band I was in, the piano player was solid like a rock. The latest one I was in, I just really could connect with the lead singer/acoustic guitarist. When we were in sync, we dragged the rest of the band with. And in yet another band I was in, it was indeed the bassist.
On the other hand, I have to agree with the one poster who says that sometimes drummers get too serious. But there's a reason for that sometimes.I have messed up here and there on bass on stage and it never seems to derail the song like messing up on drums does. It's a LOT more pressure to do it correctly, and while bass playing takes a limited range of hand motions, the drummer is using all four limbs (and occasionally singing too if he's a masochist). He might not be as comfortable with his instrument as you are with yours. He might just be thinking extra super hard. If he has a laptop there he is probably running sequencers or samples to electronics and is taking care of that.
Sure, talk to the drummer! I just browsed through another thread where someone was complaining about how the drummer gets more attention than the bassist, but I can tell you, sometimes people don't even see the drummer back there behind all that stuff! And as far as the drummer being more talented than anyone else in the band... I don't know about THAT, we have our share of lunkheads... but sometimes too you get a diamond in the rough who can write lyrics, plays a pretty good guitar on the side, or went to music conservatory. You never know until you ask.
