Sigh. Drummer trouble.

[txbasschik]

I agree with the general consensus here, Cherie. Sounds to me like this band has become more of a pain than fun for you, plus they don't seem to be all that interested in doing very many gigs, either.

Cut your losses. You have too many other, more favorable options, to be stuck with a group where you no longer feel that comfortable. Plus, at this point you're getting out before the relationship has soured to the point that you all aren't talking to each other any more, let alone playing ...

Yep. Its time to break up before we all hate each other. I see the guitarist at the jam every week, so it pays me to stay on good terms. The drummer...well, we don't move in the same social circles. We don't even bump into each other at the grocery store. But the guitarist and I do have overlapping social circles, and I don't want to start hatin'.

And who wants to stay in a band where they won't let me do "War Pigs" or "I Wanna Be Your Dog" or "Ghost Of A Texas Ladies Man" anyway?

ACK!!!

Cherie

 

[Theabyssbass]

I got a late start to this post but i do have some insight. My old drummer sounded good live but when he recorded we started hearing every mistake, and hesitation he made. In a live setting your amps cover up alot of the drum parts but in a recording the drums are mixed as "equal" in relativity so little mistake become BIG mistakes. Recording is half the job of being in a band. If you freeze in a studio, its time to find another hobby. Thought process is the difference between being an active band, and being a bar band.

Thanks
The Abyss Bass

 

[txbasschik]

I got a late start to this post but i do have some insight. My old drummer sounded good live but when he recorded we started hearing every mistake, and hesitation he made. In a live setting your amps cover up alot of the drum parts but in a recording the drums are mixed as "equal" in relativity so little mistake become BIG mistakes. Recording is half the job of being in a band. If you freeze in a studio, its time to find another hobby. Thought process is the difference between being an active band, and being a bar band.

Thanks
The Abyss Bass

I agree. When I actually *listened* to the live video recordings, the problems were more evident to me as well. Seeing as how we're just stagnant now, it really is time for me to do something else. If I wanted a bunch of stress and unhappiness and to have my input and opinion disregarded, I could go get a day job as a receptionist, like I used to do.

Life is just toooooo short.

Cherie

 

[vinny]

The goat's beginning to smell bad.

No rehearsal again this week. "They" don't want to practice on weeknights anymore. They want to spend weekends when we're not gigging on rehearsals.

That doesn't work for me. I need to rehearse on weeknights so that I don't have to pay yet another $20 for a sitter for my daughter. My husband gigs and rehearses on weekends (and works his dayjob on Saturdays) so that I can rehearse on weeknights and we make sure our daughter has a parent around, instead of always being taken care of by someone else.

The others don't have kids at home.

I have waited and waited for this band to start working. We still only have two venues. We have put off having regular rehearsals because the Guitarist is so often required to travel for his job. I understand that can't be helped, but we need to make *some* kind of compromise on rehearsals, and there is a distinct unwillingness to even open it to discussion on the part of the guitarist. I'm told "no" on most of the covers I choose...a familiar story that I have grown tired of. We can only do covers of super-hits, and the Guitarist actually stood up at a gig and *apologized* for us playing "Them Changes", saying, "Most of the songs we play, we do because you like them. This one, we play just to please ourselves." I saw that as a backhanded slam because the song's not a well-known hit. I felt very embarrassed. I've written two songs that I'd like to develop, that are just sitting there. I have designed a band logo and would like to unveil it. But we seem to be drifting as a band, and drifting apart as individuals. Another bassist who has been gunning for the job took advantage of my illness this past week and now has his foot wedged in the door. His playing style is much "busier" than mine is, and I'm sure the drummer would enjoy it more than he does mine.

This is becoming rather too much double-plus-unfun. I'm going to talk to the Gutarist when we are on break at the jam. If we can't find a compromise, I'm quitting. We have no gigs lined up, so I wouldn't be leaving anyone in a bad position. I think I should leave before I start hating them, and go work with these other folks that want to work with me, that I've been putting off for this band.

Cherie

These are all bad signs. IMO, bolt for the door before they bring in other dude. As I said in a post to you in another thread, "there's more to the story" unfortunately in this case it may be what they're not telling you. You don't need or deserve this crap, you're the bassist, we can play anywhere.

 

[Thor]

 

[txbasschik]

Called Guitarist. He apologized for being so unbending about rehearsal, and explained that work is having him do 8 different certification tests, both lab and written, this month, his wife is fixing to have surgery, and he's just coming unraveled. He's stressed, and took it out on me. We can go back to a weeknight rehearsal schedule in April.

M'kay. That'll work.

I told him that I'll bring in what covers I *can* do, "super hit" or not, and if he wants me to sing, he needs to loosen up about the songs I do. And that if I can't choose my own covers and have some assurance of actually being able to play/sing them, then I would just not choose any, and take the songs I can play and sing to one of my other groups. He agreed to lighten up on cover choices.

We'll see. I'm still working up stuff for my other bands, anyway. It isn't fair to make them wait.

I told him that I'm not happy, and why. That we've lost our focus and our connection, and that I can't stick around waiting forever for the "magic" to come back. That I have no personal problem with him at all, but that we can't let this thing with the drummer drag us down like this. It has damaged us as a band, and I need to work, not worry.

It upset him a *lot* to hear that. He doesn't want to lose me, and doesn't want to play with that other bassist. Says the guy is going after him, not the other way around, and he's becoming very annoyed with the dude.

M'kay.

We've decided to just not do anything until April. Guitar can't really do anything until then, anyway. He's asked me to please be patient with him until then. Let everyone have some space and decide what they really want. We'll pick back up in April, and if we still want to work together, fine. If not, then we disband and no one is left in a bad position with gigs hanging over us and hard feelings everywhere.

Ok.

Guitarist said, "I should never have let things go like this. This is my fault...I started all of this. I should also never go so long without talking to you, and actually *listening*. You are the only person in this band who thinks things all the way through, and you have a way of looking into a problem and seeing all of it, all the things the rest of us don't see, and finding a way around or through it. I need that kind of insight in this band, and I need your blunt honesty, and I don't know what I would do if I lost you. *Please* don't walk out!! Please be patient and don't leave, ok? Call me any time...we'll work this out."

We'll see. I'm certainly not going to put all my eggs in one basket anymore, that's for sure. I'll wait...but I will not sit idle.

Cherie

 

[vinny]

We'll see. I'm certainly not going to put all my eggs in one basket anymore, that's for sure. I'll wait...but I will not sit idle.

Cherie

The whole thread in a nutshell. Good call.

 

[modulusman]

Good Luck Cherie, hope it works out. It sounds like the guy really does want to work with you.

 

[lonote]

Be patient, he says...as far as I can see, you've had the patience of a saint. People who continually ask for your patience generally don't deserve it. After all is said and done, the guitar player is still going to have a demanding job that gets in the way and you are still stuck with the drummer who spawned this mega thread to begin with...and you were warned by the guitar player's wife / ex-bassist. Do you really want to waste any more time and emotional distress on this project from hell?

 

[txbasschik]

The whole thread in a nutshell. Good call.

Thanks.

If I had no options, I don't think I'd be waiting a month. But since I have at least two ready to start working right now...I can wait a little while for these guys.

I'll spend the month working up covers for all three groups, the other two bands taking precedence. They are frothing at the mouth to go out and work, so they get priority now.

Cherie

 

[JKT]

Be patient, he says...as far as I can see, you've had the patience of a saint. People who continually ask for your patience generally don't deserve it. After all is said and done, the guitar player is still going to have a demanding job that gets in the way and you are still stuck with the drummer who spawned this mega thread to begin with...and you were warned by the guitar player's wife / ex-bassist. Do you really want to waste any more time and emotional distress on this project from hell?

There is real merit in this. Most likely, this drummer isn't going to be able to change. For whatever reason. So you will always be carrying him. And while you seem to get aong with the guitar player it doesn't axactly sound like a natural, easy, well clicking relationship. If you put things in sort of a mathmatical equation, it doesn't balance. If there were some personal gliches and the band was smokin hot, I could see the merit in trying to make it work. If the personal thing was like you were all joined at the mind and got along great in every respect, then at least you could have a chance at the productive, honest, communication necessary to perhaps fix any musical issues. But I'm not seeing either. This is perhaps just one more "near miss" project that will exist without success until it dies or implodes on itself.

You are not only a good bassist, you are a female good bassist. In demand and highly marketable. I think your path is clear here.


JKT

 

[txbasschik]

Be patient, he says...as far as I can see, you've had the patience of a saint. People who continually ask for your patience generally don't deserve it. After all is said and done, the guitar player is still going to have a demanding job that gets in the way and you are still stuck with the drummer who spawned this mega thread to begin with...and you were warned by the guitar player's wife / ex-bassist. Do you really want to waste any more time and emotional distress on this project from hell?

I can afford to put them on the back burner. Every time I turn around these days, I am encountering opportunities to play, and to write, with others. Last year, I made those opportunities wait, out of loyalty to my old band, and lost most of them. And then got fired! So, this time around, loyalty takes a back seat to practicality. Last year, I was not in a position to work with more than one group. This year, I am.

You're right, of course, about Guitarist. He is in the middle of the mess right now, so he can't see it coming. I can. They keep telling him, "This is the last round of certs," or "We won't ask you to do all this travelling for very much longer." And then they require him to do more certs, and to take another out of town assignment. As he becomes more highly-trained in his field, they'll have him supervising projects and more people, and he'll not have any time to call his own. Seen it before. If he didn't already have hearing problems, I'd bet a week's beer money they'd have him tied to a cell-phone earpiece.

A good reason to seriously cultivate these other bands. I think this one will never be dependable. Its not anyone's fault, but it is the most-likely outcome.

Cherie

 

[txbasschik]

There is real merit in this. Most likely, this drummer isn't going to be able to change. For whatever reason. So you will always be carrying him. And while you seem to get aong with the guitar player it doesn't axactly sound like a natural, easy, well clicking relationship. If you put things in sort of a mathmatical equation, it doesn't balance. If there were some personal gliches and the band was smokin hot, I could see the merit in trying to make it work. If the personal thing was like you were all joined at the mind and got along great in every respect, then at least you could have a chance at the productive, honest, communication necessary to perhaps fix any musical issues. But I'm not seeing either. This is perhaps just one more "near miss" project that will exist without success until it dies or implodes on itself.

You are not only a good bassist, you are a female good bassist. In demand and highly marketable. I think your path is clear here.


JKT

I do see the merit, truly. This band will never be dependable enough to be anything more than a side project. Bad drummer...good drummer...our guitar player is still going to be working too hard at his career to be as dedicated as either he or I would like.

He has to. His wife's health demands that he work full time at a job where he can easily support both of them and be able to take care of their medical needs. He doesn't deserve to be penalized for that. But, I can't sit on my hands for months at a time because of it, either.

I've got two other groups just itching to get started and be working, and their dayjobs are far less demanding. And they both have better drummers.

So...I'll concentrate on them. This band meets back up in a month. Let's see how busy I am by then.

Cherie

 

[dlb1001]

You are wise to start working on the other projects. Sounds like the guitarist has too many demands on his time, both at work and with his wife's health. The band could be down for much longer than a month, if the guitarist's wife doesn't improve or requires a lot of his time to care for her.
Might as well work with the other bands...there is no use to sit on the sidelines, waiting for things to resolve itself.

 

[txbasschik]

You are wise to start working on the other projects. Sounds like the guitarist has too many demands on his time, both at work and with his wife's health. The band could be down for much longer than a month, if the guitarist's wife doesn't improve or requires a lot of his time to care for her.
Might as well work with the other bands...there is no use to sit on the sidelines, waiting for things to resolve itself.

That could very well happen. They both have health issues. If he gets run down, he could become ill, and if not, he'll still be going full-tilt with work.

Can't be sidelined 'cause of that! I'm going to just work and let the chips fall.

Cherie