Some guys are just d-bags

[CDweller]

When you quit, were there gigs on the calendar that you didn’t, or aren't going to cover?

I sent them a text earlier today wishing them the best of luck in all their endeavors. So I guess I quit after I became aware, through the drummer's FB post, that they're looking for a new bass player. One gig on the calender on the 23rd; it's their issue, and honestly, the music the band plays is so simple or so well known that any decent bass player could play a gig with them cold.

I got booted from a reggae band I was playing guitar for. I was as good or better than any of the other guitar players they've had. But they were a little psycho and thought I was up to something subversive. Not the case. I was having a great time and we were sounding really good. And we are all adults too. But it hurt my feelings because I thought I had made new friends. But sometimes I guess people read you the wrong way. So I say it's their loss. I've found a way better band to play bass with. And I'm glad I did. And the other band doesn't sound near as good as it used to. So.

Bottom line, which I don't like to admit: yeah, it hurts the feelings.

I feel your pain. I had it happen to me, too. I FORMED the band with 2 other guys- a guitarist and a drummer. The drummer "dabbles" in (read: sucks at) bass and guitar as well. The guitarist plays a Gibson and thinks he's so great. I show up to four practices on-time, everything goes well. We start writing. We have a song down, except they want a bass fill in the middle. So, as I start trying to create one, the drummer picks up his bass, plugs into his amp, cranks it, and starts playing a "fill" (which was a chromatic line, which didn't fit at all) over top of me. So, I stop. The guitarist asks why I stopped. I told him, and was told "Your fill sounds awful." And then later, no more practice was scheduled that I knew of, but those two got a name for the "band", without telling me, and posted pictures of the guitarist playing bass, and a new guitarist playing..well, guitar on Facebook. I asked if we still had anything, and was told "No, you suck, and honestly you were just there to make everything flow. We would've replaced you sooner had we found anyone else."

You're better off not being around schmucks like these guys.

He actually had the nerve to post it on his FB page? Did he not know you'd see it?

I don't know what he thought- can't really guess, and at this point beyond caring. These guys liked to hang out smoking pot and cigarettes during practices- the cigarettes stunk, and the pot dulled their modest abilities. Honestly, they did me a favor, and the real insult is that they beat me to the punch.

 

[PastorofMuppets]

wow I admire your composure.
My blood is near boiling just reading this story.
Karma is a bitch.

 

[steelbed45]

I was just in the opposite situation - the guy who responded to an ad for this type of band, learned the audition songs, nailed it...and then had the "spidey" sense tingling. Turns out the other bassist wasn't on his way out. They were just looking to boot him because the drummer didn't get along with him. I hightailed it out of there.
I understand your frustration. You did the right thing, imo.
Gigs and bands are almost nil in my neck of the woods, but I would never want to join a band this way.

 

[afzoomie67]

You're better off not being around schmucks like these guys.

I can say the same to you!

 

[CDweller]

I was just in the opposite situation - the guy who responded to an ad for this type of band, learned the audition songs, nailed it...and then had the "spidey" sense tingling. Turns out the other bassist wasn't on his way out. They were just looking to boot him because the drummer didn't get along with him. I hightailed it out of there.
I understand your frustration. You did the right thing, imo.
Gigs and bands are almost nil in my neck of the woods, but I would never want to join a band this way.

It's like being at bat in Little League, I suppose; you have to take your pitch, and not swing at everything.

I'm blowing off steam here on this thread, but I tried to take the high road in my response to these guys. After a day of sitting on it, I'm pretty happy to be out of this situation. And the best news is that my health is better, and I start school again on Wednesday. While not everyone's cup of tea, I'll be playing jazz tunes in ensemble five days a week, playing cool walking bass parts over really musical chord changes, and developing my musicianship. Guess things have worked out for the best despite the initial hurt feelings.

 

[xgator4u]

People do things behind your back because they are afraid to do it to your face.
That simple.
They are afraid of something.
Afraid of not finding someone better, and not wanting to lose you and have no one.
Afraid of you whipping their @$$.
Afraid of losing whatever added bonus you bring, such as rehearsal space,P.A. system, trailer to transport gear, or whatever.
Afraid of what others might think, or say.

Whatever the fear, they are afraid.

 

[guy n. cognito]

Good points. They made my exit easy, actually. It was fun for a while turning them on to dynamics, tagging endings, and various rudimentary musical techniques, but ultimately it grew tiresome. They wanted to get girls from being in a band, but they were not interested in doing the work necessary to make the music good.

You can't make a band something it's not. It's frustrating to you, frustrating to them, and ultimately makes you look like a jerk. I've tried and failed. While they definitely handled your exit in a unprofessional manner, it doesn't sound overly surprising.

 

[RaginRog]

Have you considered putting your own ad out there warning fellow bass players of what they may be getting into? Nothing nasty....keep it professional, but it may make their search for a replacement that much harder.

 

[RaginRog]

I was just in the opposite situation - the guy who responded to an ad for this type of band, learned the audition songs, nailed it...and then had the "spidey" sense tingling. Turns out the other bassist wasn't on his way out. They were just looking to boot him because the drummer didn't get along with him. I hightailed it out of there.
I understand your frustration. You did the right thing, imo.
Gigs and bands are almost nil in my neck of the woods, but I would never want to join a band this way.

I did the same about 4 years ago. After nailing an audition, I asked the band why their bass player left, and that's when they told me they were secretly holding auditions. I told them I wasn't interested, and that they should probably have a heart to heart with the guy. I believe they kept him for a few more months.

 

[guy n. cognito]

Have you considered putting your own ad out there warning fellow bass players of what they may be getting into? Nothing nasty....keep it professional, but it may make their search for a replacement that much harder.

There's really no upside in something like this. The band will explain it away as the posting of a jealous, mean spirited ex-member, and most probably won't see it anyway.

 

[glocke1]

There's really no upside in something like this. The band will explain it away as the posting of a jealous, mean spirited ex-member, and most probably won't see it anyway.

agree...just walk away...

This same thing happened to me years and years ago...I knew the guys were douches, but didn't realize how bad they were until I logged onto to craigslist and saw them advertising for a new bass player, the day that we had a gig. no warning, no heads up, nothing...they even had the balls to list the venue we were playing in that night and invited people to come check them out.

promptly called up the band leader and told them to get ****ed...

 

[ACalbass]

No, fair questions. I've been lucky enough to study with Jeff Berlin the past year and a half, shredding jazz tunes and such. I had to take some time off from full time school for health reasons, so I decided to hook up with this '60's band for a no- brainer musical holiday while on the mend. I take my cues from a mid sixties Carol Kay as far as style cues for this type of music. The other fellas didn't have the benefit of a rock solid education (and they never really learned in the school of real life). The drummer always slowed the tempo when he came in after a song's intro, and he couldn't find the one after a fill if his freakin' life depended on it. The lead singer/rhythm guitarist knew one volume- strum drone- all drone, all the time. I'm pretty sure they felt my vibe of disgust. You don't have to be complicated. You do have to be musical.

The boys did me a favor.

Believe me,you did good.
For us, bass players,the worst thing that can happen is play consistently with drummers (and I assume good drummers feel the same way about bass players) that have a week sense of tempo.(or not at all)
It really hurt in the long run because you might find yourself trying to catch up/pushing/pulling when playing with good musicians,when there is no need.
I left a band for that specific reason : I was afraid it could affect me and creating habits I do not want.
I avoid at all costs to get involved in those bands,but if its only couple gigs,I take them.

Also,many musicians with little education do not take well others are educated,and before thinking of start learning,they prefer to play with others at their same level,or lower.
I never put the education before the musicianship,some people can really play without ever read music book,and I respect that,I play with anyone that can play,but..........in the minds of those without education there might be something about the knowledge that insult them,or the expectation that eventually,they will be called ignorant.
Is sad.

You better off.

 

[glocke1]

Also,many musicians with little education do not take well others are educated,and before thinking of start learning,they prefer to play with others at their same level,or lower.
I never put the education before the musicianship,some people can really play without ever read music book,and I respect that,I play with anyone that can play,but..........in the minds of those without education there might be something about the knowledge that insult them,or the expectation that eventually,they will be called ignorant.
Is sad.

You better off.

Ignorance never ceases to amaze me..I know musicians that clearly look down on people who have some sort of formal education in music...but than again I've also met musicians who look down on players who are able to afford better gear than they can.

 

[RaginRog]

There's really no upside in something like this. The band will explain it away as the posting of a jealous, mean spirited ex-member, and most probably won't see it anyway.

You're probably right...I've never had it happen to me. Was booted from a band once, but it was done properly, and it was sort of mutual. I joined a second band, and I think they figured it was a matter of time before I quit, so they jumped at the opportunity. I played a couple of more softball games with the singer following the booting, as we were on the same team. No problems, had a good time.

Unfortunately, not everyone's experience (obviously) is as pleasant as mine was....or we wouldn't be posting on this thread.

 

[JimmyM]

Yet, as bad as it was, you stayed. And now that they kicked you out you are trash talking them.

It's more of a high road than what I'd do!

 

[CDweller]

People do things behind your back because they are afraid to do it to your face.
That simple.
They are afraid of something.
Afraid of not finding someone better, and not wanting to lose you and have no one.
Afraid of you whipping their @$$.
Afraid of losing whatever added bonus you bring, such as rehearsal space,P.A. system, trailer to transport gear, or whatever.
Afraid of what others might think, or say.

Whatever the fear, they are afraid.

Yeah, I think they sensed my dissatisfaction with the band, and probably figured I'd be splitting.

You can't make a band something it's not. It's frustrating to you, frustrating to them, and ultimately makes you look like a jerk. I've tried and failed. While they definitely handled your exit in a unprofessional manner, it doesn't sound overly surprising.

This is wisdom, right here. Definitely can't make them into something they're not. It was fun to see the band develop a little, but it's just too much to expect them to radically transform.

Have you considered putting your own ad out there warning fellow bass players of what they may be getting into? Nothing nasty....keep it professional, but it may make their search for a replacement that much harder.

agree...just walk away...

This same thing happened to me years and years ago...I knew the guys were douches, but didn't realize how bad they were until I logged onto to craigslist and saw them advertising for a new bass player, the day that we had a gig. no warning, no heads up, nothing...they even had the balls to list the venue we were playing in that night and invited people to come check them out.

promptly called up the band leader and told them to get ****ed...

Pretty insulting, that right there. You're justified in that case for quiting on the spot.

Believe me,you did good.
For us, bass players,the worst thing that can happen is play consistently with drummers (and I assume good drummers feel the same way about bass players) that have a week sense of tempo.(or not at all)
It really hurt in the long run because you might find yourself trying to catch up/pushing/pulling when playing with good musicians,when there is no need.
I left a band for that specific reason : I was afraid it could affect me and creating habits I do not want.
I avoid at all costs to get involved in those bands,but if its only couple gigs,I take them.

Also,many musicians with little education do not take well others are educated,and before thinking of start learning,they prefer to play with others at their same level,or lower.
I never put the education before the musicianship,some people can really play without ever read music book,and I respect that,I play with anyone that can play,but..........in the minds of those without education there might be something about the knowledge that insult them,or the expectation that eventually,they will be called ignorant.
Is sad.

You better off.

It was really horrible to play with this drummer, because you couldn't relax. It was like walking on ice- you never knew if you would get traction or not, and couldn't commit to the tempo. I don't care about formal education at all- Rick Laird told me a long time ago that Jeff Beck couldn't read or write a note (may have changed in the ensuing 30 years), but he could PLAY-this assessment coming from the bass player from a band (Mahavishnu Orchestra) that kind of stunned a lot of us.

Ignorance never ceases to amaze me..I know musicians that clearly look down on people who have some sort of formal education in music...but than again I've also met musicians who look down on players who are able to afford better gear than they can.

Nothing wrong with education, nothing wrong with learning on the bandstand and from listening to records. You gotta put your time in, though.

It's more of a high road than what I'd do!

I was definitely tempted to do some things that would have gotten me in trouble if I was caught...

 

[Munjibunga]

Maybe they had a feeling you were going to quit anyway. You were, weren't you?

<edit> Ooops. I should've read the thread, especially the preceding post. So why was the Facebook post a surprise?

 

[CDweller]

Maybe they had a feeling you were going to quit anyway. You were, weren't you?

<edit> Ooops. I should've read the thread, especially the preceding post. So why was the Facebook post a surprise?

The FB post did catch me by surprise. I would have thought that some discussion would have taken place prior to something like that. I would not just quit on them without having a replacement in the wings, ready to gig or one or two rehearsals from that. You never just quit leaving a band high and dry, unless someone pulls a d-bag move like these guys did. Case in point: the band hosted an open jam a few weeks ago, and I couldn't make the gig as I was sick. I got a suitable sub, and even tightened the sub up with a little extra cash over and above what the gig payed as the pay on the gig sucked. You never leave guys just hanging, and if you're gonna quit, you leave on good terms if possible, and if possible help the fellas with a suitable replacement.

I don't doubt that I wore out my welcome to a certain degree. I don't know how to be diplomatic enough perhaps when someone is playing a song's chords differently from how the original artist played it. There were numerous times during rehearsals when I'd ask one of the guys if they were deliberately playing a song's chords or drum part differently or if it was just a personal preference. Stuff like say on the tune "Secret Agent Man", which actually goes to the 4 before the chorus instead of the often made mistake of guys going to the 5- I'd call them on stuff like that.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter that much, and I'm trying to take away what I can from the experience. Mostly, I'm not going to get in a band situation with guys who aren't particularly good. That takes either a lot of previous experience, or a lot of band rehearsal, and guys actually practicing their axes and listening to the songs they want to play. This band was a good one to be kicked out of

 

[BassGuyFL]

A lot of bands operate under what I call the two-tier approach to the lineup. One or two people consider themselves to be "the band" and the others are merely the support or background players.

When the top guys for whatever reason grow tired of the secondary ones they see no need for a reasonable explication or excuse to replace them because they aren't the "important" ones. This is why you have the lack of returned messages, the Craigslist ads seeking your replacement with no warning, Facebook posts, etc. Your feelings simply aren't a concern for them. You're "just the bass player."

OP I've been there too and it's no fun. All I can figure is you were seen as someone who was rocking the boat too much even though you saw it as trying to improve them and they figured you were a "problem." Sounds like they were just in it for the party and you're better off without them.

Something to keep in mind is next situation you're involved with is to ask up front if you'll be a full member with a say so in decisions or if they want a background player.

Even big-time pros aren't immune to this from what I've read Eddie Van Halen tried to get rid of Michael Anthony for years and he finally got his wish.

 

[metermech]

To the OP it appears these two clowns have no heart so I'm pretty sure their music was heartless also. I pplaud you for taking the high road and moveing on to better things. I had this happen to me before when I was younger..Let's just say the low road was crowded for a while... Keep it movung and good luck in your endeavors...