I don't normally count, but I will if I need to. Some of the more complicated odd time signature stuff that my originals band did basically required counting. Once you "got" it you could usually go by feel.
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Most of the time I don't need to count, but I do play some more difficult material that requires counting. For example, one song has a section in 7/8 and the hits are on the 2,3,4,5 and 6 beats. Gotta count it! other things that change time signature mid-song or has an odd number of times through a particular section, I'll need to count.
However, when I was in a symphony orchestra, counting was essential - especially when not playing! Also, when I was playing jazz live trading fours or eights with the drums, horns and piano required strong counting. In particular, drummers would try to screw everyone up on purpose. They'd start their four bars a beat and a half early and then do polyrhythms or 6, 5, 5, or something odd to mess with everyone. You'd better be able to count fours over that or you won't get asked back.
Most of the time I don't need to count, but I do play some more difficult material that requires counting.
You can't always tell if someone is counting. On new songs I count but no one would know that I was counting. After I know the song and my band mates give soloing cues, and drum breaks and such I no longer count and no one knows I'm not counting. I definitely count more when playing in odd meter too. All that said most of the time I'm not counting at all but I'm in two good bands with professional musicians.Been curious about this for awhile...
I don't really count during a song...Meaning if a passage is 4 bars or 8 bars I don't stand there and count them off while I am playing, I've always been able to "feel" the changes....
This past weekend I was playing with some people and looked over at the guitar player and noticed that he was actually counting off the number of times that we were playing a certain passage that never seems to come off correctly with this group of people.
With another group of players who are a little better, and don't count, this passage comes off as slick as butter..