Why do I vent here?

[Joe Nerve]

I don't know... could be bad for my band's reputation. I guess I don't care. OK. With that out of the way, I'm gonna vent.

The Nerve! is going on 9 years together, I've been playing with the other main guy (Randy) for about 12. Trouble has been brewing between us for years, and now that we've gotten onto a somwhat decent label, have deadlines to meet, and the workload has increased - everything that's ever gotten on our NERVEs about each other has been magnified. I'm feeling at the moment like I despise the guy - and I have many just reasons (IMO of course).

We're both reasonably intelligient adults, we both express ourselves well, we're both good hearted for the most part - but it's gotten to the point where we literally want to vomit at the site of each other. My gripes come from the fact that he continually tries to simplify his life - which seems to always make my life and everyone else around him more difficult; he needs to pushed and reminded constantly of any work that needs to be done with the band, or it doesn't get done; he unintentionally does airheaded things all the time that hurt other people, or hurt the band in business dealings. there's tons more, but that's the stuff that's most up front now. i guess the fact that I pick him up and bring him back home from every single gig we do (and that's a lot) is really starting to weigh on me also. He talks of how easy life is since he doesn't have the responsibility of a car, he LOVES it - no insurance to pay, no maintenance, no tickets... need I say more. He throws me ten bucks here and there for gas.

His gripe with me is that I'm negative. He does stuff to piss me off and then tells me I need to lighten up, it's no big deal. I probably do need to lighten up a little - but I'm failing miserably right now and if we don't figure a way around this we're gonna wind up another one of those bands who loaths each other yet keeps on going regardless. Actually, I don't think I'd do that. I think I'd move on, but that would be a shame after all we've put into this. And I still love playing with the nerve! more than any group I've ever been with. I"m done for now.

BLAH!

 

[jive1]

Long ago, we had a guitarist who also had no car and was a good friend of ours. Unfortunately, him not having a car not only eroded the band, but our friendships as well. Especially because everyone except the guitar player lived in the same neighborhood.

If the guy is getting on your nerves just tell him. Let him know that it would be nice if he had a car, and the amount of hassle you have to deal with for not having one. I imagine that being in a band for 9 years together would build a comfortable rapport with your guitar player. If you guys have a relationship where you can critique his playing/songwriting/etc, you can definitely talk about other issues.

Just remember that harboring resentment is like swallowing poison and hoping that the other dies from it.

 

[DWBass]

I've been in the situation where I've had to taxi folks around and I hated it!! Cats were never on time [had me waiting], never offered me any gas money [or any other compensation]. I've also been in the situation where cats were trying to ride coat-tails! They all found their way out of the band! I refuse to do it! Not sure how important the cat is to your band but you need to let him know he's got to pick up his own weight or be left in the dust!

 

[Joe Nerve]

If the guy is getting on your nerves just tell him. Let him know that it would be nice if he had a car, and the amount of hassle you have to deal with for not having one. I imagine that being in a band for 9 years together would build a comfortable rapport with your guitar player. If you guys have a relationship where you can critique his playing/songwriting/etc, you can definitely talk about other issues.

Just remember that harboring resentment is like swallowing poison and hoping that the other dies from it.

We are sooo incredibly beyond that point. He knows precicely how I feel - claims he's saving for a car (HA!) which means he puts about $10 in an envelope a month.

I kinda drew the line yesterday and said I'm done picking him up for anything. Today I'm going to take our PA to my place and from here on getting to shows with his amp is going to be his responsibility. Only catch is that if it's a real drag for him, he's going to book less gigs (he's been the booking guy) which will mean less earnings.

Just some of the stuff I deal with... right this very moment I have to go pick him up for a gig we have with someone else. I've no choice because he has the PA at his place and we're using it. I'm ready early. We tentatively said I'd pick him up at 3 - but I can miss a whole lot of traffic if I leave earlier. I call his home phone and it's busy meaning he's probably on the internet. No answer on his cellphone and I had to leave a message...

He just actually called me back. I'm outta here.

 

[Woodchuck]

If you make it past your first real tour, you're in it for the long haul. I've gone through this with my band, but it's everybody pissed at this one guy. Now that we're on a major label with a big kahuna type manger (he also manages Nickelback), we're thinking of the big picture. It came to a head after the Warped tour. Our road manager punched him out. Since then, he's been much nicer. Go fig.

 

[RicPlaya]

I am in somewhat of the same predicament Joe. A guy I am in a band with is a good friend for 25 years (and we are 30 years old). The band had affected our friendship because we never see eye to eye, he is our singer but has issues that affect our band and we have all confronted him. I know in my heart he will never change. I am glad we are not signed because it would only make matters worse. It's getting to the point that I only see him during band functions because I have such a difficult time dealing with him. I won't elaborate but who knows how it will turn it, it's gotten that bad!

I think it's important that you do what you can to nip this now! You said both you guys are open minded, good hearted etc. Just keep talking to him, get him in the car alone on the way home from the gig and don't let up because now your signed, you did it, you need to make it work and if has the attributes you say he does than you guys can work it out. What does the other members of your band think about him?

 

[Mike N]

Could your third band member maybe split the duty of carting Randy around for gigs?

 

[Jeb]

I don't know... could be bad for my band's reputation. I guess I don't care. OK. With that out of the way, I'm gonna vent.

The Nerve! is going on 9 years together, I've been playing with the other main guy (Randy) for about 12. Trouble has been brewing between us for years, and now that we've gotten onto a somwhat decent label, have deadlines to meet, and the workload has increased - everything that's ever gotten on our NERVEs about each other has been magnified. I'm feeling at the moment like I despise the guy - and I have many just reasons (IMO of course).

We're both reasonably intelligient adults, we both express ourselves well, we're both good hearted for the most part - but it's gotten to the point where we literally want to vomit at the site of each other. My gripes come from the fact that he continually tries to simplify his life - which seems to always make my life and everyone else around him more difficult; he needs to pushed and reminded constantly of any work that needs to be done with the band, or it doesn't get done; he unintentionally does airheaded things all the time that hurt other people, or hurt the band in business dealings. there's tons more, but that's the stuff that's most up front now. i guess the fact that I pick him up and bring him back home from every single gig we do (and that's a lot) is really starting to weigh on me also. He talks of how easy life is since he doesn't have the responsibility of a car, he LOVES it - no insurance to pay, no maintenance, no tickets... need I say more. He throws me ten bucks here and there for gas.

His gripe with me is that I'm negative. He does stuff to piss me off and then tells me I need to lighten up, it's no big deal. I probably do need to lighten up a little - but I'm failing miserably right now and if we don't figure a way around this we're gonna wind up another one of those bands who loaths each other yet keeps on going regardless. Actually, I don't think I'd do that. I think I'd move on, but that would be a shame after all we've put into this. And I still love playing with the nerve! more than any group I've ever been with. I"m done for now.

BLAH!

If you were to print this and put it in "Randy's" hand...

what would the response be?