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Would you be mad?(date rant thing)

James_B

James_B

Apr 4, 2006
746
38
37
Windsor,Ont,Canada
#1
Would you be mad if you're 'interested' in a girl, you think its going well. A couple of weeks of her laughing at your poor quality jokes, flirting and what not. Then your best friend comes in and kind of steals her from you?

I'm personaly in more of a shock and awe of how this "slip" happened.

Of course this girl is more interested in him then she ever was with me, but come on you know? Like it was kind of working and like I could have had a chance.

Me and him are cool. Its not like I'm going to like stop being friends with him or anything.

How would you respond to this "slip"?
 
#2
I don't think a guy can really "steal" a girl. It takes two to tango. You're probably not as mad as you are hurt. It happened to me once, but my friend wasn't really even interested in this girl until she expressed interest in him. I was devastated to be honest. It's awkward to hang out with the guy, but you just get through it. I wouldn't be surprised if her thing with this guy doesn't last long, but you may have to get over her - easier said than done. You're not alone. Good luck and sorry.
 
#5
Not to be a total jerk, but I think that she has every right to pursue your friend. After only a few weeks, I don't think you can really 'call dibs' on her, so to speak. While it is true that in the normal course of events your friend may have never met her, it is always a 'risk' to allow your friends to meet a girlfriend or vice versa - and that's a risk that we must acknowledge.

Unless you've actually been intimate with 'her,' just 'hanging out' does not mean that she has any romantic feelings for you. I've come to believe that 'hanging out' is rather meaningless. The situation you've described has happened to me before, and in those cases the girl was never really attracted to me to begin with. Thus, it's probably not a big loss for you, just as it wasn't to me. If she's willing to dump you so quickly for a friend, your relationship was probably not worth much to begin with. Just as I did, you probably feel rejected... but this should not have any impact on your long term plans, as she probably would have left you sooner or later.

If you and her have been intimate over these past few weeks, then she's a hussy.

I remember I once was pursuing someone I met at Rocky Horror Picture Show - I know, bad idea! I mentioned this to one of my friends, and he told me "don't worry, she's yours." I was a bit taken aback by this, as I was not trying to claim her (instant red flag). I was just telling him that I wanted to date her. Perhaps he misinterpreted what I was saying. Regardless, the next night, he and she got drunk and various other things happened. Normally I wouldn't be angry at a friend for doing such a thing, but he promised not to interfere without my even asking - so he lost my trust.
 
#7
James_B said:
Would you be mad if you're 'interested' in a girl, you think its going well. A couple of weeks of her laughing at your poor quality jokes, flirting and what not. Then your best friend comes in and kind of steals her from you?

I'm personaly in more of a shock and awe of how this "slip" happened.

Of course this girl is more interested in him then she ever was with me, but come on you know? Like it was kind of working and like I could have had a chance.

Me and him are cool. Its not like I'm going to like stop being friends with him or anything.

How would you respond to this "slip"?
Click to expand...

I would have moved faster on letting the girl know how much I liked her, kind of interested ain't gonna cut it in male female relations...

No offense mate, but if she's laughing at your jokes, flirting and what not for weeks and you didn't let her know you dug her and instead kept that to yourself (which is how it sounds to me), you will risk her figuring you're actually not that into her and she'll lose interest and move onto what SHE PERCEIVES to be a hotter spark FOR HER.

Notice how I haven't mentioned your friend? He's not in the equation at all yet, he was just "another option" she thought of, which, if she was into you enough, wouldn't have happened. The fact he is a friend is pretty much irrelevant...girls will come and go in all of your lives and you'll probably "share" a few along the way ... it makes for good stories at 50th's :D :D

Long story short, don't blame your friend for your good choices in friends ;)
 
#8
You had no claim on her. You had a couple of weeks to take initiative and you didn't, so your friend did. Be a good friend and congratulate him and hope that the relationship goes well.
If it doesn't, maybe you have another chance to take the initiative. Maybe not.

It's not as bad as a girl dating you, making out with you on the third date and then later telling you that she's always had a thing for your best friend and doesn't want you anymore.
 
#9
I don't know. I think I'd be pissed. At the friend, not the girl. You and she weren't dating so it's not like she cheated on your or anything, but if I knew a friend of mine was trying to get with some chick I wouldn't even consider dating her. It's just bad form, I think.

There should be some kinds of rules of etiquette (sp?) for guys, for just this sort of situation.
 
#10
Yeah I have problem with you know the hole "expressing ones feelings" thing. Thats why I play music so I wont have to say..... blah blah blah:D

See my friend thought I was going to kill him or something but I was more interested in what went wrong and how I can fix it for next time.

I honestly go through like 4 different girls a year get to that almost a couple stage and then I ruin it somehow. I don't know whats wrong. I'm still real young so I have lots of time to figure it all out. (Unless its all in my head and I'm never as close as I think I am)

PS
Give me more advice please:)
 
#14
James_B said:
I honestly go through like 4 different girls a year get to that almost a couple stage and then I ruin it somehow. I don't know whats wrong. I'm still real young so I have lots of time to figure it all out. (Unless its all in my head and I'm never as close as I think I am)

PS
Give me more advice please:)
Click to expand...
Start thinking with your little head and you'll either have more women or the one woman you want. At any rate, you'll be getting more tang than now~!

:D
 
#15
IMHO, if my friend knew i was interested and making progress and still went after her, he either better be in love like he's never been in love before or not be afraid to catch a swing of my fist...
 
#17
MJ5150 said:
Be more aggresive the next time you find a girl you are "interested" in.

-Mike
Click to expand...

This is solid advice.

But first of all, dealing with your friend. If he knew you were interested in her then what he has done is a bit underhand. It reminds me of when a friend of mine was seeing a girl, his best mate told him he fancied this same girl (who he had been seeing for a year). That caused some fallout. If your friend knew you were interested in her, it's pretty low of him to snipe her from you. However, she had no obligation to you, if you were only getting a bit of banter with her.

Yes, I know it doesn't sound fair, so next time, make sure your intent is clear to your friends (the bond of friendship should be enough to make them stay clear of your prospective girlfriends). And yes, by all means be more agressive. Light and witty banter is never enough to seal a deal at the end of the day. Hopefully, if you're meeting a girl you like every day in a normal situation (like work or school) you can enlist some of your loose-mouthed mates to help you out. You tell them you like her, they "accidentally" let the word out and you're backed into a corner. When asked your true feelings, come out swinging with a charm offensive.

Obviously, don't go nuts but a strong statement of intent can be useful.
 

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