A Sentimental Dilemma

[DRay521]

I’ll try to keep this brief, but I have a question to kick around.

In 2023, one of my very closest friends and longtime collaborators was building out a home studio for us to do some work, when he passed away unexpectedly at 40. After the funeral, his wife gave me the bass he had purchased for the studio, saying “he was so excited to hear what you would play on it, he would want you to have it.” I was honored of course, and being a sentimental person I consider it an honor to be a steward of this instrument.

The dilemma is this: it’s not an instrument I particularly want to play. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it’s essentially an entry-level instrument. Is it in bad taste to sell it and purchase something I would actually play? The last thing I would ever do is disrespect him or his family or his memory. Am I overthinking it?

What say you? Hold onto it out of respect, or respect the idea and buy something I would play more often in his memory?

 

[gidbass]

I’ll try to keep this brief, but I have a question to kick around.

In 2023, one of my very closest friends and longtime collaborators was building out a home studio for us to do some work, when he passed away unexpectedly at 40. After the funeral, his wife gave me the bass he had purchased for the studio, saying “he was so excited to hear what you would play on it, he would want you to have it.” I was honored of course, and being a sentimental person I consider it an honor to be a steward of this instrument.

The dilemma is this: it’s not an instrument I particularly want to play. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it’s essentially an entry-level instrument. Is it in bad taste to sell it and purchase something I would actually play? The last thing I would ever do is disrespect him or his family or his memory. Am I overthinking it?

What say you? Hold onto it out of respect, or respect the idea and buy something I would play more often in his memory?

Sorry for your loss.

If it were one on my closest friends, I would keep it and if I had no intention of playing it, i'd convert it into wall art.

 

[PapaBearBass]

Out of respect for your friend and his family you can’t sell it. If you have no plans of playing it, I would just hold on to it as a keepsake. Some day, down the road, you will gift it to the right person and the universe will let you know when that moment is

 

[pepj]

You can't sell it, imv.
Wall art. Gift it back to them or tell family you'd like to donate it once a period of time has passed?

 

[J-Bass RMR]

it’s essentially an entry-level instrument

so the sentimental value is worth more than the instrument istelf.....


What would Grasshopper do?

"The leaf honors the tree" (or the bass)

 

[JRA]

if you'd rather have another instrument to play = save your money!

it's tough and sad to lose a friend.

 

[DRay521]

Thanks for the responses!

FWIW, I’ve definitely been more in the “keep it/honor it” camp. I just look at it in the closet sometimes and feel like he would want me to have something I would play.

I have considered writing and recording an EP playing this bass and dedicating it to him in some way. Seems a fitting tribute.

 

[red_rhino]

Back in 2016 I lost a dear friend who had originally started me down the path of being a bass player. I still miss him. After he passed, his wife gave me his last remaining guitar. I’ve kept it in the case since then, opening it occasionally whenever I find myself thinking of him. I don’t play guitar, but I can’t sell it. It will be wall art someday as a way of keeping his memory with me.

 

[MrAB4003]

RIP to your friend and sorry for your loss OP! I would try to find a use for it before converting it to wall art. Perhaps tune it differently, string it with a different type of strings than normal, or mod the pickups to something you would prefer.

 

[ardgedee]

Did your friend have children? Maybe hold onto it to regift to them?

 

[StevieMac]

I would absolutely keep it.

 

[DWBass]

I am in agreement with keeping it and hanging it on a wall.

 

[Camarillo]

I’ll try to keep this brief, but I have a question to kick around.

In 2023, one of my very closest friends and longtime collaborators was building out a home studio for us to do some work, when he passed away unexpectedly at 40. After the funeral, his wife gave me the bass he had purchased for the studio, saying “he was so excited to hear what you would play on it, he would want you to have it.” I was honored of course, and being a sentimental person I consider it an honor to be a steward of this instrument.

The dilemma is this: it’s not an instrument I particularly want to play. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it’s essentially an entry-level instrument. Is it in bad taste to sell it and purchase something I would actually play? The last thing I would ever do is disrespect him or his family or his memory. Am I overthinking it?

What say you? Hold onto it out of respect, or respect the idea and buy something I would play more often in his memory?

Don’t sell it. It would be disrespectful.
Don’t play it if you don’t like it. Hang it on the wall and be inspired by it.

 

[dmt]

Simply, keep it to remind you on occasion of your friend. Don’t let it become a burden on you, either; it wasn’t meant to hurt you. If it does become a burden though (it’s not the smallest of keepsakes, after all), either cut a piece off, glue it to a plaque and frame it (throw the rest out), or, take it out to the desert (or whatever), perhaps with some good friends, get nice and drunk and burn it (don’t get arrested for starting a fire and don’t drive drunk afterwards, though — no need to turn a tribute into a disaster, lol). Basically, pour one out for your buddy and say goodbye. Something like that.

I like your idea of recording something with it first though. He was looking forward to hearing you play it, so play it for something, even if just one song. But, don’t make too big a deal out of that either if that feels like a burden too

 

[beaglesandbass]

I’ll try to keep this brief, but I have a question to kick around.

In 2023, one of my very closest friends and longtime collaborators was building out a home studio for us to do some work, when he passed away unexpectedly at 40. After the funeral, his wife gave me the bass he had purchased for the studio, saying “he was so excited to hear what you would play on it, he would want you to have it.” I was honored of course, and being a sentimental person I consider it an honor to be a steward of this instrument.

The dilemma is this: it’s not an instrument I particularly want to play. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it’s essentially an entry-level instrument. Is it in bad taste to sell it and purchase something I would actually play? The last thing I would ever do is disrespect him or his family or his memory. Am I overthinking it?

What say you? Hold onto it out of respect, or respect the idea and buy something I would play more often in his memory?

Do not sell it.

It was a gift, yes it would be disrespectful to sell it. If you truly do not want it, offer to give it back to the family, or explain it's not something that you play often, but it's something that *should* be played, and ask the family about donating it.

I am thankful and lucky that my dad is still alive. When he passes, I'm not sure what I'll do with his guitars, but if I give one to someone and find out they sold it, I'd be livid.

 

[Hyoga]

"one of my very closest friends"

Why would you ever consider selling this?

 

[andruca]

Sorry for your loss sir. There's very few basses I wouldn't play, so in your shoes I'd either tune whatever it is I don't like to my taste with the clear intent to start playing it, or pass it on (I'd never sell it). Doesn't even need to be to the most special/meaningful person TO YOU, but maybe the act itself should hold the meaning, i.e., giving it to somebody who really needs it, who will appreciate it and put it back to work making music. I find that more honoring of your friend's memory than just keeping it stored, for nobody to enjoy.

 

[fretno]

Hang it on the wall and sign it. Have everyone sign it. Anyone who does a session there. Make it the thing you all have in common. Music , hopes and dreams.

 

[Jeff Elkins]

The ideas about alternatives to selling posted here are excellent.

However, echoing above, this wasn’t meant as a burden. I put myself in your shoes—great friend passes away, spouse gifts me an instrument I’ll never play. For any reason or no reason, I decide I don’t want this instrument. It’s taking up space and needs to go.

It goes.

I don’t owe the gifter anything. A gift is just that, and if someone gives a gift they don’t get to attach strings to it. There are often perceived strings, of course, and I personally have no desire to offend if I can help it. The level to which you honor your friend as you move it along is up to you. I like the re-gifting idea.

Besides, are we sure he actually said that? I mean, if he knew you, he knew the bass wouldn’t have been your cup of tea. He bought it as an (I’m assuming inexpensive) studio bass. His wife doesn’t have all that detail. Was she being nice? Yes. Lovely. Thoughtful.

But no strings. It’s your life, your space. You do you.

 

[Das Jugghead]

My initial reaction is that you cannot sell the bass. If you have the room you make it into wall art to honor his memory. Back when I had the landscaping business and tree service I had a client I was very close to. She was like a mother and best friend to me. When she passed away I had a brick that was leftover from the construction of her house. I've kept that for years and through several moves - the intention being to incorporate it into the mantel of the fireplace when we build our forever home. I know it sounds silly because I will never forget her, but it helps me to honor her, remember her, and move forward.

One possibility you might consider is after a period of time you might donate it in your friend's name to a veterans organization or a local school music program. You could include a brief letter explaining the origin of the bass and your friend's love for music. The bass would continue to live on, honor your friend's memory, and bring joy to a new generation or into someone's life. Music is such a beautiful expression of the soul that it is meant to be shared. Over the years I have donated retired (but well-maintained/refurbished) gear to a local veterans group