A Sentimental Dilemma

[micguy]

My musical career started with a violin my parents bought for me. A couple years later, the neighbors gave me their grampa's "old violin", which it turns out, was a stunningly good violin. The one my parents bought for me was no slouch, but that one was even better.

Fast forward a few decades. One of the things we should realize is that good musical instruments are things we steward - if kept well, they will outlive us, so we certainly don't own them. So, if you have a good musical instrument, one of the things that you are charged with doing is helping to plan it's future - at least the next owner. If you are not playing it anymore, it is a musical instrument, and should be passed to someone who will make music with it. "Wall art" is not where a good, functional musical instrument should end up - it's a musical tool, not a visual art piece.

The violins (along with a bunch of bass guitars that I built as I was figuring out what I like in an instrument) have been gifted to music schools. There are kids that don't have parents that can afford good instruments for them, so I've helped out - paid back some of the gifts that helped me get started in music. I have, over the years, donated quite a number of instruments. Although I read on here about people regretting selling an instrument, I have never regretted a single donation. Not once, not a single second of regret.

If you have enough instruments, passing on a gift to a young person - either directly or through a school, is a fine use of that gift.

 

[Wavy]

Thanks for the responses!

FWIW, I’ve definitely been more in the “keep it/honor it” camp. I just look at it in the closet sometimes and feel like he would want me to have something I would play.

I have considered writing and recording an EP playing this bass and dedicating it to him in some way. Seems a fitting tribute.

A mistake I and many around me make often, is to presume what someone else, dead or alive, thinks, thought, or might think.
I'm almost always wrong, even when presuming what Management might be thinking, because she's quiet most of the time.

 

[basslayer]

That bass would stay with me. Maybe as well art. Maybe as the bass students use. Maybe as a a backup. To quote the Simpsons, "it won't bring in much cash, but it's sentimental value is through the room!"

 

[DRay521]

"one of my very closest friends"

Why would you ever consider selling this?

A valid question. As I mentioned, the only reason I ever would is to put the money toward something I would play more often. He and I made a lot of great music together, and I don’t think he bought this instrument to sit around, in a closet or on a wall. Not in his possession or mine.

The issue for me is that he bought a budget instrument (I’m no brand snob, the bass is fine, but as an instrument doesn’t speak to me). The point in question is whether his memory is honored more by keeping an unplayed instrument, or getting something that I could play more often. Again, I’m much more inclined to hang onto it, but wanted to get some outside opinions.

 

[DRay521]

keep it. what kind of bass is it?

It’s an Ibanez SR300E. Not a bad bass, bought new shortly before he passed. It’s just not something I ever reach for unless I’m feeling sentimental.

 

[lbanks]

Definitely would keep it. Maybe fix it up to playing condition.

 

[Philonius]

I'm going with the minority and voting you turn it into something you'd use more. If I were the deceased, that would please me more than turning it into wall art.

 

[dmt]

It’s an Ibanez SR300E. Not a bad bass, bought new shortly before he passed. It’s just not something I ever reach for unless I’m feeling sentimental.

Hmm, this puts an interesting twist on it for me. Before, it was a nebulous "very close friend’s bass", but now it’s a specific make and model, a commercial product. I actually had a bass student/good friend with one of those SR300 basses and I ended up playing it quite a bit (it was also his jam basement’s "house bass"). Like you, for me an SR300 is an instrument I wouldn’t reach for either. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with it per se, but it’s just very much not my style and it would end up sitting unused. Nor would it be my choice for wall art (again, not my style visually either), despite it being a reminder of my friend. Unless I had a big jam room myself — in the two big jam/hang rooms like we used it in, it could fit in perfectly as wall art, along with various rock-themed and personal junk we hung up. Would make an absolutely great tribute there. But I moved away and now just have a quite small "music room" [in my modest house] filled with stuff already (including lots of stuff from two other interests, and then the rest of the house is more by necessity [and appropriately] a shared space with my wife). In that little room (a mini bedroom), an almost life-sized shrine to my friend taking up a wall of the quiet room wouldn’t seem as appropriate. But of course everyone’s particulars will be different.

I take it that your friend wasn’t a bassist, but this would have been his bass for his studio so that when a bass player came over, a bass would be on hand to use. Part of his dream of having a fully equipped, ready-to-record studio (like having a decently equipped mic locker so a singer wouldn’t have to bring his/her own mic to come over and record). Sounds like you were one of his (if not the) main musical collaborators, so he surely did have you in mind playing it when he got it. Considering all that, I think the best thing is to record some stuff with it. Let your collaboration and friendship inspire you (though there’s not necessarily any need to get maudlin about it; could be a positive energy thing, etc. However it goes).

Who knows, once the recording project is done (perhaps over some years, or maybe one creative burst, however it goes), you may even find yourself having developed an unexpected attachment to the bass. But if not, perhaps after letting things sit a bit more, either move it on to a funds-limited player or potential player, or consider what I mentioned earlier of making a much smaller piece of wall art out of it by cutting a chunk out of it and putting it on a plaque, or "pouring one out" with it in a blaze of glory, etc.

I think the thing a lot of people are not liking is the concept of what would seem to be just selling it and then using the money to go gear shopping. But as someone else said earlier, you do you. If you truly feel that what you bought with the money from selling a used SR300 would remind you of your friend more and/or would be a more fitting tribute, then that could be a right way to go. I mean, it’s possible (for example, I bought a cassette 4 tracker recorder [portastudio] with some money, like $250, my grandma gave me, and that turned out to be very, very significant to me, and I sometimes think of her when I think of it and what it enabled). But just like in this thread, don’t expect other people to intuitively understand the appropriateness of handling it that way (even though it might be very true).

It’s a tricky situation — I just came into some stuff myself from someone who was very important to me but which is a collection of things that I don’t need, aren’t my style, and which I don’t have easy space for. If it had been just one small thing it would have been great, but a collection of various somewhat related things I don’t need isn’t ideal for me, so I’m in a bit of a spot. Accordingly, I’ve written this long post. It’s always easier for me to give advice to other people than to myself, lol.

Best wishes, handle it how it feels best to you (but give it some time first, I’d think), and I’m sorry to read about your untimely loss

 

[DRay521]

Like you, for me an SR300 is an instrument I wouldn’t reach for either. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with it per se, but it’s just very much not my style and it would end up sitting unused.

Exactly. As a bass (ignoring the sentimental context), it’s fine. It’s just not really a prized tool in my arsenal. Again, as a tool.

I take it that your friend wasn’t a bassist, but this would have been his bass for his studio so that when a bass player came over, a bass would be on hand to use. Part of his dream of having a fully equipped, ready-to-record studio (like having a decently equipped mic locker so a singer wouldn’t have to bring his/her own mic to come over and record). Sounds like you were one of his (if not the) main musical collaborators, so he surely did have you in mind playing it when he got it.

All of this is 100% correct. It was purchased new shortly before he passed so I wouldn’t have to bring my instruments every time I came to town to record, if I didn’t want to. But I would have, because professionals bring their own tools.

I think the thing a lot of people are not liking is the concept of what would seem to be just selling it and then using the money to go gear shopping.

I certainly don't want it to come across like this. The ONLY reason I would ever replace it is to have a more frequently-used instrument, IF I felt that it would be more in the spirit of what my friend would’ve wanted. Otherwise, I’m more than happy to play it a few times a year around the house in his memory.

 

[Supadope]

I lost a dear friend and guitar player to suicide. His Les Paul has been hanging on my jam room wall for years. I seldom play it, but it’s always a reminder of the good times that we had together.

 

[Bassdirty]

The ideas about alternatives to selling posted here are excellent.

However, echoing above, this wasn’t meant as a burden. I put myself in your shoes—great friend passes away, spouse gifts me an instrument I’ll never play. For any reason or no reason, I decide I don’t want this instrument. It’s taking up space and needs to go.

It goes.

I don’t owe the gifter anything. A gift is just that, and if someone gives a gift they don’t get to attach strings to it. There are often perceived strings, of course, and I personally have no desire to offend if I can help it. The level to which you honor your friend as you move it along is up to you. I like the re-gifting idea.

Besides, are we sure he actually said that? I mean, if he knew you, he knew the bass wouldn’t have been your cup of tea. He bought it as an (I’m assuming inexpensive) studio bass. His wife doesn’t have all that detail. Was she being nice? Yes. Lovely. Thoughtful.

But no strings. It’s your life, your space. You do you.

Got gifted a Guitar.. Hopefully there are Strings attached.

(I'll see myself out thanks).


Yes, Keep it. & Keep it on the wall.

 

[Hyoga]

A valid question. As I mentioned, the only reason I ever would is to put the money toward something I would play more often. He and I made a lot of great music together, and I don’t think he bought this instrument to sit around, in a closet or on a wall. Not in his possession or mine.

The issue for me is that he bought a budget instrument (I’m no brand snob, the bass is fine, but as an instrument doesn’t speak to me). The point in question is whether his memory is honored more by keeping an unplayed instrument, or getting something that I could play more often. Again, I’m much more inclined to hang onto it, but wanted to get some outside opinions.

Note: I also consider your other message in this page ("I certainly don't want to come across...").

I'm not sure the point you highlight above is the right one.
Don't you already have something that you can play more often?

I was starting to write details about this, but I reconsidered: I think it's better to keep it at this and let you do the thinking, it's your friend, your feelings, etc.

 

[beaglesandbass]

To add on to my previous post. Your logic has two flaws.

1) If it’s a budget instrument than you’re not going to get much for it on the used market, which means it isn’t going to make much of a dent in whatever you’re going to by, thus making it not worth selling anyway.

2) Let’s say you do sell it. What if what you buy is fine for the time being, but a year or two down the line your tastes change and it’s not for you anymore? Do you then sell instrument that you bought with the sole intent of honoring your friend.

Like I said in my first post. Either keep it or give it back to the family.

 

[DRay521]

To add on to my previous post. Your logic has two flaws.

1) If it’s a budget instrument than you’re not going to get much for it on the used market, which means it isn’t going to make much of a dent in whatever you’re going to by, thus making it not worth selling anyway.

2) Let’s say you do sell it. What if what you buy is fine for the time being, but a year or two down the line your tastes change and it’s not for you anymore? Do you then sell instrument that you bought with the sole intent of honoring your friend.

Like I said in my first post. Either keep it or give it back to the family.

1) I would replace it with another budget instrument, but something I would reach for more often like a Squier P-bass or something similar.

2) I wouldn’t try to find a “new #1” or anything like that, just something that would get more play than this bass, which I’ve played twice in two years around the house.

I guess my thinking is, is it better to honor the bass itself or the spirit of why he bought a bass at all, which was to be played?

Again, I’m perfectly happy to hang onto it.

 

[mtdkingstonheir]

I would, definitely, keep it. Even if you don't play it, it would remind you of the good times you shared with him.