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Anybody had a bandmate lose it?

#21
Nick - maybe sounds like a psychological disorder, but also sounds like somebody with a meth or coke problem to me.

sounds like a good situation to be out of.

keep in contact with the ones you liked tho. be a good idea to let them know your side.

good luck.
 
#25
one time on a tour our singer had a panic attack, we were all hanging out after a show, drinking talking to people that came to see us when he just starts crying... balling like a baby and had lost his mind. he said things like he never wanted to be there, and the guitar player wants him to kill himself so the band will get signed, and his baby's moma is going to kill the kid out of neglect if he doesn't get back home (like a 30 hour drive away) he can't sing anymore (as if he could sing to start) and a bunch of other strange ****ed up ****. yeah... that's one of the reasons why I don't dig metal bands anymore.
 
#26
Not to make a diagnosis over distance here, but as many others said this sounds a lot like a psychological problem. A schizophrenic/psychotic episode to be more exact (= he seems to take thoughts of his for real that aren't real at all and feels seriously offended, although nobody offended him).

A schizophrenic episode can hit people that were perfectly fine for decades, so it's not absolutely uncommon. In your place I'd watch out that he isn't ruining/endangering his or others lifes.



...but I might be completely wrong and he's just a dickhead ;)
 
#27
I'll try and keep it short but it may be difficult.

In my first band formed at school I played bass. A good friend, known him since we were 9, on lead. Finish school, all go separate ways and band breaks up, as usual. I still kept in touch with him, still good friends Years later (we are now in our late 30s) I get a call from this guy, who is now playing bass, will I play lead in his band as current lead player going to work abroad, I had played a bit of lead so say yes. Everyone is happy.

A few years later and a few line up changes, all very amicable, we now have a guy on keys and his wife on vocals. Bass player and her do not really get on, both like to get their own way, so a bit of friction but nothing we can't deal with.

Bass player runs his own business, under pressure with that, then his wife is on his back to quit the band which he does not want to do. This guy is now under serious pressure and starts thinking the whole band is against him. He would only talk to the drummer and I, but mainly just to rant at us about how we were trying to oust him. He would never listen to us.

He then starts turning up for gigs 10 minutes before the start and going home as the last chord is still sounding. Next his wife is ringing venues to cancel but we found out and stepped in quick.

He rang me one night and I got the distinct impression that he was planning on not turning up to the next gig. He didn't say so but I got that feeling so I threw my bass into the car as well as my lead gear. Come the gig and as I suspected he didn't turn up. I ended up playing bass all night through a lead combo but we got through it. I have been on bass ever since so he did me a real favour.

He claims he didn't turn up because we 'forced' him out. We joint owned the PA and if anyone left then they forfeited their share. If you were kicked out they got it back. We argued for months and finally paid him off just to get rid of him. Unfortunately he now wanted the band name as well, we were doing a lot better without him and were getting a lot more work. We ended up just ignoring him.

A couple of years later and our male singer, who still had occasional contact with him, suggested that we all meet up for a drink (without the female singer of course) which we did. Everything was fine for about 20 minutes then off he went again ranting and raving about how it was his band and we forced him out. We drank up quick and parted and I have not seen him since, that was in 2000.

As I say I had known him from being 9, was a real good friend, and I would quite happily renew our friendship but he won't. Life is too short to worry about it so I shrugged my shoulders and moved on.
 
#28
Definitely sounds like a drug problem to me

I played in a thrash metal band a few years back and the guitard was a bit of a pig, not that great at his instrument, but was generous when it came to helping me upgrade my gear, so I felt obliged to stay in the band. He would always blame everyone else when he went out of time, and had a coke problem. He tried to get help and saw a therapist for his anger issues, but it barely helped. Eventually I quit the band due to his constant abuse and when he next saw me, he spat on me and made some very nasty racial slurs. I told him to get f***ed and then it was on. I still managed to kick his ass with a broken foot.

He asked me to join the band again, but I said no. I found a better band with people who actually appreciated me for my abilities and they never threatened violence, truly a joy to play in. The only reason I left was due to the fact I changed locations. I sat down with their new bassist and taught him all the songs.

Bassists have the reputation for being the most level headed and egoless players in the band, and for the most part it is true. It is just a shame we have to deal with idiots.

Cheers,
Jordan
 
#29
the band im currently in has had a fair few lineup changes, which is why im now in. previously there was a stable lineup consisting of two brothers on guitar (still here) one of whom is my friend from school since waaay back so our relationship has always been stable and ive been in a band with one of them before. the other 3 members were another two brothers for bass and drums, then our singer. since then the bassist moved the drums cause of his bros drug problems, the new bassist has come and gone (where i came in) and since then the singer and drummer have left. seriously hard to get a stable lineup. the singer voiced his problems before leaving, and while i thought they were kinda lame, that was fair enough.

the drummer however we havn't heard from, he simply dropped off the map, which is ********, you should have the balls to say youre not interested at least. after all that chopping and changing we have a new singer who we know we can trust, and still looking for a drummer :( if ive learned anything from the previous bandmates its try and avoid players who smoke way too much weed :) sucks to not be able to gig just now but youre better off in the long run to be rid of people who would just let you down later on.
 
#30
NickInMesa said:
No the project is already over after he sent an email to the other band members. It was a bizarre rant and it freaked everybody out.

I have already found another band, it was really really fast, for once. Been given a list of songs, all very technical, I am going to practice for next week's practice and move on.

The other bandmates emailed me they are moving on too.
Click to expand...
i've had guys relate stories about me totally wrong or embellished beyond belief while i was standing right there,even when the true story would have been better than the lie......some folks go through life making stuff up on the fly that they never really know themselves what is real and what is not.....god only knows what they would say when you're not there to correct them.....
 
#31
I actually think it's just who the guy was/is and he let it out over time.

You'll find that in many relationships in life, when people get comfortable with the others around them their true self comes out. Look back and think about an old girl friend or someone you've worked with, you can probably find an example.

I've hired hundreds of people over the years and I've found ways to place pressure on them in the first 90 days to "squeeze out" who they are. The famous quote, "Squeeze an orange and you get orange juice, because that's what's inside" comes to mind.

If it's your project you can do this, if you join a band... you get what you get.
 
#32
Sounds like the dude has major issues. I woulda booted him PDQ or I would have just left and found another thing to do. I have learned the hard way --- even good friends will diss you in this 'business' - I have lost a lot of faith in people over the years. Sometimes I think I should have just taken up another hobby... like stamp collecting.
 
#33
MNAirHead said:
Nick..

He may just want you out for some reason.

Dumb question....

Did you guys have a written plan when you started?

Tim
Click to expand...

No, we did not. Maybe I should have or maybe it would have killed some of the creative juices? Who knows...

It's not a big issue to me, it's over.

The other bandmates are also moving on.

I am not started any new project again, it's not worth it, got too much to do.

Just joined another band, moving on. It's not even bothering me much anymore.

It was a weird exprience. Time to move on.
 
#34
Eh, I'll go into Spock mode, as best I'm able.

Taking it as a given that the person repeatedly made counterfactual accounts of events, these are possible explanations for the behavior:

1. Lies (conscious statements of falsehoods). What did the person gain?

2. Drug-induced misperceptions or faulty recall.

3. Psychological disorders. Somebody mentioned bipolar disorder, but...

...take a good look at BPD (borderline personality disorder). That's what it sounds like, to me.

I'm not a shrink, nope. But I was married for 17 years to a person who had BPD--no, I didn't know about it when I married her! It just got worse and worse. We split up when it simply became impossible to reconcile any disagreements about factual events, conditions, financial limitations.
 
#36
NickInMesa said:
....
He is putting words in my mouth, fabricating statements I never made, some about my wife, while all I said was that I loved her and was not looking around, and was all.

...
Click to expand...

That seems wierd, why would anyone come out of the blue and say there not looking to cheat on their wife?

I can see someone saying they love thier wife but why would the have to qualify it but saying they're not looking to cheat?
 
#37
NickInMesa said:
No, we did not. Maybe I should have or maybe it would have killed some of the creative juices? Who knows...

It's not a big issue to me, it's over.

The other bandmates are also moving on.

I am not started any new project again, it's not worth it, got too much to do.

Just joined another band, moving on. It's not even bothering me much anymore.

It was a weird exprience. Time to move on.
Click to expand...

A cover band is not a place for creative juice.

The legacy/longevity bands normally have a benevolant leader with a written plan.

Timmy
 
#38
oldrocker said:
That seems wierd, why would anyone come out of the blue and say there not looking to cheat on their wife?

I can see someone saying they love thier wife but why would the have to qualify it but saying they're not looking to cheat?
Click to expand...

It was in the context. People do say things like that. Yes, I love my wife, no I do not cheat. Read the menu, often, dine in, never.

I'm happy with the chick at home. Marriages go through phases. After a while you realize you're fine where you're at, why risk it for a piece of A?

MNAirHead said:
A cover band is not a place for creative juice.

The legacy/longevity bands normally have a benevolant leader with a written plan.

Timmy
Click to expand...

That was me, and I did write a plan which I believe was good, and he did agree to it, but that was 6 months ago.

I have a practice with the new band on Sunday. Lots of Journey, Boston, Deep Purple. You know, 70s rock and arena stuff.

What I love to play. I'm just going to learn the tunes, shut up and play. Enjoy it, have fun. We are likely to gig, if it happens, then great, if it does not, so be it.

I decided this week-end to go back to school for a master's, I will not have much time for this, it will remain the hobby, but no big project.
 

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