• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

Anybody had a bandmate lose it?

#41
I was in a band a while back in which, after a few years of everything going nicely, the drummer flaked out, which manifested itself most significantly in his stealing from the other band members. I lost a cabinet and some drum gear I had loaned him, and he owed everybody for some shows for which he had collected pay from the clubs and never distributed it, but most disturbingly, he was closer to the husband/wife singer/songwriters that fronted the band, and while house-sitting for them, stole clothes from them(?!?!?).

I think it was some sort of early mid-life crisis: everybody else in the band had pursued careers out of school and at this point (early 30s) were starting to realize the benefits of careers. He had spent his early adulthood on tour with bands that had some moderate success but he ended up neither rich nor famous, and when I knew him he was turning 30 and working retail, and I think the juxtaposition of his life with the rest of us freaked him out a little. Nobody considered him a failure or anything, and he was a quite talented drummer, but what can you do? At one point I recall hearing that he was telling people he worked for the same company as some of the other band members, which was not true.
 
#42
Yeah, had a lead singer/bandleader/guitarist loose it with the band's drummer, and also an outside party- engineer/producer. The lead singer sent me the email of the whole blowup between him and the engineer. What was said (from the lead singer) was such a derailled (and railling) sort of message, that I immediately stopped putting faith/trust/belief into this individual's ability to properly lead the band, much less be counted on to be sane and rational and the moments when it is needed most, and made plans to leave, not to mention whether serious reservations if such a rant would come my way at some point over something, I might do in the future. I nipped it in the bud, and left not too long after. It was the right thing to do.
 
#43
From what I understand now, it seems that he had frustrations he did not express from the get go and instead of addressing them when they occured, he would interiorize and it blew off.

I could probably have defused it but down the road how much can you go when you are supposed to meet half way?

The fact that he did not express his frustrations coupled with personality traits I did not discern originally explain some but not everything in his explosion.

Sometimes you just don't really know who you're dealing with until that person goes off his rocker.
 
#45
MNAirHead said:
Nick..

Really sounds as if you're to the phase where you may enjoy becoming the manager.. recruiting folks.. writing a plan.. etc.

Tim
Click to expand...

Yes but this economy sucks, as you know. Nobody hires bands anymore, or it's for $300 or for half the door.

It's got to be a hobby first and a business venture second.

Weddings are not hiring bands, they are even hiring less and less DJs.

I want to play music for the fun of it. I believe most artists (musicians included) have a little "something" anyway.

I suppose that learning to deal with that is part of a manager's job.
 
#46
NickInMesa said:
Yes but this economy sucks, as you know. Nobody hires bands anymore, or it's for $300 or for half the door.

It's got to be a hobby first and a business venture second.

Weddings are not hiring bands, they are even hiring less and less DJs.

I want to play music for the fun of it. I believe most artists (musicians included) have a little "something" anyway.

I suppose that learning to deal with that is part of a manager's job.
Click to expand...


With a good plan, image and marketing bands are making more than this.

Quite sincerely... it's more fun when you're getting paid.

Dealing with people -- yes this is the manager's primary role.
 
#47
NickInMesa said:
From what I understand now, it seems that he had frustrations he did not express from the get go and instead of addressing them when they occured, he would interiorize and it blew off.

I could probably have defused it but down the road how much can you go when you are supposed to meet half way?

The fact that he did not express his frustrations coupled with personality traits I did not discern originally explain some but not everything in his explosion.

Sometimes you just don't really know who you're dealing with until that person goes off his rocker.
Click to expand...

The issue commonly becomes that mismatched people try to create art together and then agree on what "good is"

Guys who have been around the block gravitate toward a benevolent dictator... OR have zero expectations and go the artsy direction.

Chances are much of this is pure personality mismatch --- you'd all probably blossom in the right setting --- and no not everyone has to be 100% the same.

Tim
 
#48
NickInMesa said:
... I even emailed him to seriously consider getting his head scanned, because this type of bizarre change of personality, delusion or persecussion and mythomaniac tendencies are often the sign of brain disease...
Click to expand...

I'd say you have a genuine concern. My first wife started exhibiting very bizarre behavior not too long after we married. As the months went on she started having episodes of vertigo along with even more extreme passive/aggressive behavior. A few years later, after getting the runaround from some fine members of the medical establishment, she was finally diagnosed with brain cancer and had several brain tumors. She died not too long afterwards.

As for your bandmate, I suggest you move on. A relationship of any type is a two-way street and he apparently has some issues controlling traffic.
 
#52
stflbn said:
You have a LOT of band problems Nick. A LOT!

At some point I'd personally start wondering if it was the world turning against me, of if "I" was unknowingly causing the parade of problems coming my way.


.
Click to expand...

I can vouch for nick that there A LOT of flakes, jerks, and weirdos here in phoenix (and surrounding areas). the heat eventually warps the brain.
 
#53
NickInMesa said:
From what I understand now, it seems that he had frustrations he did not express from the get go and instead of addressing them when they occured, he would interiorize and it blew off.
Click to expand...

Internalize.

I had a bandmate do that as well. Passive/Aggressiveness is really a relationship killer, band or otherwise. It all boils down to communication. If you have a problem with someone/something, the best thing you can do is vocalize it. You dont have to be an ass about it, but definitely state your displeasure in a tactful way. When you just ignore it out of fear of confrontation youre really only delaying the ineveitable, and at some point all that bottled up anger (Diet Coke) is going to reach the tipping point (dropping in of a mentos). Results are messy.

In our 3 piece band I was the one with the least experience, having only played bass for a little over a year. I was dedicated and practiced alot and began writing more technical parts. The drummer and I were on the same wavelength, listening to a lot of the same bands, and becoming really good friends. Our guitarist was not happy about all this and exploded at us via a myspace comment. We stopped being friends after that.
 
#54
A week ago, I fired the guitarist of our band because he went nucking futs over the fact that we bought cheaper instruments to save for better sound systems. He was under the bizarre impression that the more expensive an instrument, the better it was.

We just said "Goodbye" and were done with it. D:

He was a great guitarist though. We won't be replacing him with anyone to that calibre anytime soon.
 
#55
Years ago,

I was driving the van home after the show. Guitarist freaked out (apparently a bar patron said some s**t to him) and started attacking us (rest of band). I slammed on brakes, put 'er in park and threw him out of the van. Guitarist was pleasantly surprised! He calmed down and got back in the van. We drove home and then kicked him out of the band!!
 

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back