Anyone else had the same problem in his band?

It sounds like priorities were starting to change between you and your bandmates. That happens. Goals can shift and it's not really anyones fault, but in this case it sounds like you are better off finding people with more similar focus on the songwriting aspect. Might not be easy to find people who are going to let you be the sole songwriter though, everyone likes to feel involved in the process (especially writing their own parts).

To a certain degree, your bandmates aren't wrong. Writing good songs is only a very small part of what is required to be successful.

 

poopy?

 

Some observations,

''Bass player takes over band and wrecks it'' is an uncommon theme here.

There can't be too much wrong with your material or there would not have been all the gigging.

Most original bands fail after spending 6 months to six years in the basement writing a bunch of dross and getting a handful of support gigs.

Pat yourself on the back and carry on!

 

I think this was a natural progression, and even a necessary one. It can't be Springtime forever. The creative process and manifesting it has a seasonal movement to it.

But, it sounds like your bandmates got overly focused on marketing and minutia, to the point they couldn't release another album, and it taking 2 years to work in a new song means the band became dysfunctional.

I think that, in future projects, it might be good to plan out the whole cycle, and its return. Just as a guidepost. You write, you rehearse, you record. Then you market, and play out, and end up polishing your act with various minutia. But it has to come full circle back to writing/recording.

It does sound like you crossed the line with the bassplayer you were annoyed with. Because people don't react to constructive criticism with saying "I won't be spoken to in that way". It is 99% likely that you went too far, and I probably would have also. But it doesn't help your situation when you're trying to be constructive and put people on the defense.

 

Sometimes leaders are not made, they are chosen by attrition. Sometimes it falls upon the one with the most experience, or the most ability. Sometimes it goes to the one with the most drive or desire to lead. And sometimes it just goes to the one with the most free time, or the crowd favorite.

Lead, follow, or get out of the way, is sometimes all you can do.

 

That’s TB autocorrect for when you write “poopy”...

I mean “poopy”.

Ok, “sh1tty”.

 

Yeah been there experienced that kind of. My first band was started by me at the age of 15 (48 years ago). My mother paid for the business cards, put adds in the paper, drove us around, helped with pa borrowing and renting. She was basically our manager. I named the band, chose the songs, methodically learned them and copped the words with my trusty little tape machine. Then taught them to everyone else. yada yada. As we got better one member decided that he was the best singer and guitarist in the group so he started taking over. Soon we broke up due to arguing. I really didn't see it at first, maybe because the guy who took over was my best friend. Years later we started getting back together once every year or two and the same guy would take charge. None of our individual songs were good enough for him and he ruled our little get togethers with an iron fist. Again it took me years to see because of my laid back nature but the others argued with him every time we got back together. Now no one wants to do it anymore. He doesn't understand why.

Fast way forward to the current hiatus band that gets to play every few months. Again this was my band. I named it and chose all of the original players and songs. I bought all of the pa equipment, tee shirts, lapel pins, etc. I got the gigs, put together the promo packs, built the website...you get the picture. Over the years our singer (who was never in a band until he met me) started taking over. I really didn't care because it took the load off. Fast forward 10 years and everyone we know thinks its his band, including him. He and I are the only original members. It's almost like Mick and Keith. Fast forward another 5 years and we are only playing when the singer is free (we haven't played in three months). He forbids us to play without him because he is the front man and none of us can fill his shoes. Say What? He remains my best friend but...it's time to start something else.

 

yes, similar, but: i've/we've usually handled those issues in a matter of minutes/days, or otherwise a few honest, sometimes intense, discussions. i'm not sure i'd be able to go along with that kind of dysfunction for "years." i realize that you were part of an 'evolving' dynamic --- but you were aware of the issues all along. sounds like 'missed opportunities' on your part.

has nothing to do with musical chops. (you don't have to be the best marksman to be the best general.)

i think you got snookered by your own 'passivity'. your awareness/concerns seem right on point, but your avoidance and hesitation --- earlier in the game --- have contributed to the outcome.

good luck speaking up sooner: with more veracity, velocity, and vigor!

 

Some people just want to create good music, others (sometimes the non-writers) have different priorities. It happens. As soon as you felt the shift, it was worth a band sit-down.

 

I can't reply. My band may be reading this.

 

i'm sorry that i did not get that from the OP: my mistake! please accept my apology!

you did the right thing by communicating your concerns, over time.

you're better off finding a group of musicians who are more like-minded, obviously. good luck getting over the butt-hurt caused by ego-driven, mutinous, ne'er do wells.

my neck hurts from the 180 i just did!

 

Sounds to me like the OP gradually relinquished control over his band and the evil bassist came in and took over. That’s what happens in a power vacuum, someone always takes over. This one is kind of on you, OP.

 

My grandfather said the way the world works is that there are engineers, and farmers, and machinists, and teachers, and doctors, and cooks, and mechanics, and a whole pile of other people with skills and knowledge who actually produce real things and do a lot good.

And somewhere in the middle of that crowd is somebody with no skills or real talents who decides that since he can’t actually do anything real, his only option for a place in soviety is to put himself in charge of the people who can do things. So he becomes a politician, an attorney, or enters the clergy. And since the people who can do things are busy getting things done, he usually gets away with it.

It’s like so many high school garage bands. Tony plays drums. Mark plays guitar. Ellen plays bass and has a really good voice. Jeff rocks a mean keyboard. And Mikey who hangs out with these guys, and who can’t play anything and knows squat about music decides on his own that he’ll be “the manager.” After which he inserts himself in the process everywhere he can.

Argh!

You were smart to quit that band.

 

Priorities change; bands change. Time to change bands, as you have already decided.

Now you just need to move on mentally; let it go.

 

Like said before, Sometimes bands change and if the change is not good for you then you need to move on.
Also, Sometimes bands have no leader and someone with leadership skills takes over. They might not be the right person for the job, but if nobody else steps up, that is what happens. Sorta natural selection.

 

My band is safe. Our bass player couldn't take over a pre-school nursery and has issues organizing a trip to the bathroom.

I'm the bass player.

 

It's what an old boss of mine used to call "a problem I'd like to have". The problem in this case being band members hustling to keep the band working steadily.