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Bass jokes
- Thread starter Varry
- Start date
As a fretless player I'd take exception to that but my finger just hit the wron gmous ebutton
Just in case you haven't heard these:
This guy goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks "Wow, this is cool." He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, he hears drums. He tries to go to sleep, yet he hears drums.
This goes on for several nights, and gets to the point where the guy can't sleep at night because of the drums. Finally, he goes down to the front desk.
When he gets there, he asks the manager, "Hey! What's with these drums. Don't they ever stop? I can't get any sleep."
The manager says, "No! Drums must never stop. It's very bad if drums stop."
"Why?"
"When drums stop...bass solo begins."
or......
A bass player is on a flight to Africa. The plane lands, and when taxiing, he hears drums. "Flight attendant, I hear drums; is there a special ceremony"?
"Drums good," the attendant replies.
In the taxi, the bass player once again hears drums and asks "I hear drums again, what is going on?"
"Drums good," says the cab driver.
Once at the hotel, the bass player is determined to ask his question again. But just then, the drums stop. "I have been hearing drums all morning and now they have stopped. What is the meaning of this?"
The desk clerk frowns and says, "That's bad... now come bass solo".
Or how about the marriage counselor who takes a couple to a jazz club and puts them in front of the bass player. He said, "They aren't communicating, but everybody talks during the bass solo."
This guy goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks "Wow, this is cool." He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, he hears drums. He tries to go to sleep, yet he hears drums.
This goes on for several nights, and gets to the point where the guy can't sleep at night because of the drums. Finally, he goes down to the front desk.
When he gets there, he asks the manager, "Hey! What's with these drums. Don't they ever stop? I can't get any sleep."
The manager says, "No! Drums must never stop. It's very bad if drums stop."
"Why?"
"When drums stop...bass solo begins."
or......
A bass player is on a flight to Africa. The plane lands, and when taxiing, he hears drums. "Flight attendant, I hear drums; is there a special ceremony"?
"Drums good," the attendant replies.
In the taxi, the bass player once again hears drums and asks "I hear drums again, what is going on?"
"Drums good," says the cab driver.
Once at the hotel, the bass player is determined to ask his question again. But just then, the drums stop. "I have been hearing drums all morning and now they have stopped. What is the meaning of this?"
The desk clerk frowns and says, "That's bad... now come bass solo".
Or how about the marriage counselor who takes a couple to a jazz club and puts them in front of the bass player. He said, "They aren't communicating, but everybody talks during the bass solo."
All Bassists love to slap a tight, warm, round bottom end.
Warning: sitting on 1X15 cabs may cause females extreme pleasure
Warning: sitting on 1X15 cabs may cause females extreme pleasure
Did you hear about the bassist who was so out of tune that somebody noticed?
A double bassist arrives at the last minute to rehearsal for the local church choir's annual performance of Handel's "Messiah" and the conductor asks if he'd like a moment to tune. He responds "Why, isn't it the same as last year?"
An American orchestra is on tour in Europe when the conductor falls ill. Not having a replacement the directors ask if any of the musicians are able to conduct. The primary bassist volunteers and does a smashing job even though he has to do it cold. The conductor stays ill so the bassist fulfills his duties for the first two weeks of the tour. When the conductor gets better the bassist returns to his section, and the second bassist looks at him and says "Where have you been for the last two weeks?"
A double bassist arrives at the last minute to rehearsal for the local church choir's annual performance of Handel's "Messiah" and the conductor asks if he'd like a moment to tune. He responds "Why, isn't it the same as last year?"
An American orchestra is on tour in Europe when the conductor falls ill. Not having a replacement the directors ask if any of the musicians are able to conduct. The primary bassist volunteers and does a smashing job even though he has to do it cold. The conductor stays ill so the bassist fulfills his duties for the first two weeks of the tour. When the conductor gets better the bassist returns to his section, and the second bassist looks at him and says "Where have you been for the last two weeks?"
