for those of you who may have never seen this before: Basses don't care how many other Basses you've played. Basses don't care how many other Basses you have. Basses don't care if you look at other Basses. Basses don't care if you buy Bass magazines. Basses don't get pregnant. Basses don't get headaches. A Bass has a volume knob. You can share your Bass with your friends. You can play your Bass any time of the month. Basses don't have parents. Your Bass won't care if you leave up the toilet seat. You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Bass. You can play your Bass as long as you want and it won't get sore. You can stop playing your Bass as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated. Your parents won't remain in touch with your old Bass after you dump it. Basses don't insult you if you're a bad player. Your Bass never wants a night out with the other Basses. Basses don't care if you're late. You don't have to take a shower before you play your Bass. If your Bass doesn't look good you can refinish it or get new parts. You can play your Bass the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother. You can go to a Bass shop and play all the Basses you want for free. You can take lessons on how to play a Bass without feeling embarrassed. You can borrow a Bass without worrying about who borrowed it before you. A Bass doesn't take half of everything you own when you get rid of it.