I figure with all the posts of people being laid off and the suck state of the economy in general. it's about time to review the rules of the blues
Most Blues begin, Woke up this morning.
I got a good woman is a bad way to begin the Blues, less you stick something nasty in the next line: I got a good womanwith the meanest face in town.
The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes...sort of: Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like a rabbit and she weigh 500 pound.
The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch. You stuck in a ditch aint no way out.
Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken down trucks. Blues dont travel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUVs. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools aint even in the running. Walkin plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin to die.
Teenagers cant sing the Blues. They aint fixin to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, adulthood means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues.
You cannot have the blues in any place that dont get rain.
A man with male pattern baldness aint the blues.
A woman with male pattern baldness is.
Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues.
Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.
You cant have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall..
The lighting is wrong.
Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass
Bad Places:
a. Neiman Marcus
b. Art Gallery Openings
c Winery
d Golf courses
No one will believe its the Blues if you wear a suit, less you happen to be an old black man, and you slept in it.
Blues is not a matter of color. Its a matter of bad luck.
Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could.
Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.
Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. youre older than dirt
b. youre blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you cant be satisfied
No, If:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. The man in Memphis lived
d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund
If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, its the Blues.
Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. wine, but only if its cheap
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee.
The following are not Blues beverages:
a. mixed drinks
b. kosher wine
c. Snapple
d. sparkling water.
If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, its a Blues death.
Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die.
So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely in a broken down cot.
You cant have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.
Good Blues names for women: Sadie, Big Mama, Bessie, Fat River Dumpling.
Good Blues names for men: Joe, Willie, Little Willie, Big Willie.
Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, and Rainbow cant sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
Make yer own Blues name (starter kit):
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
Example: Blind Lemon Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.
I dont care how tragic your life, if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it, any way you can: fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or a shotgun. Maybe your big woman just done sit on it. It dont matter how, you best destroy it.
Hey there, you can read! This too be a big ol problem! Most folks singin the Blues aint never had much of a chance for education. In the Blues the three Rs stand for Railroads, Runnin, and Rehab
Most Blues begin, Woke up this morning.
I got a good woman is a bad way to begin the Blues, less you stick something nasty in the next line: I got a good womanwith the meanest face in town.
The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes...sort of: Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like a rabbit and she weigh 500 pound.
The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch. You stuck in a ditch aint no way out.
Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken down trucks. Blues dont travel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUVs. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools aint even in the running. Walkin plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin to die.
Teenagers cant sing the Blues. They aint fixin to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, adulthood means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues.
You cannot have the blues in any place that dont get rain.
A man with male pattern baldness aint the blues.
A woman with male pattern baldness is.
Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues.
Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.
You cant have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall..
The lighting is wrong.
Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass
Bad Places:
a. Neiman Marcus
b. Art Gallery Openings
c Winery
d Golf courses
No one will believe its the Blues if you wear a suit, less you happen to be an old black man, and you slept in it.
Blues is not a matter of color. Its a matter of bad luck.
Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could.
Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.
Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. youre older than dirt
b. youre blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you cant be satisfied
No, If:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. The man in Memphis lived
d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund
If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, its the Blues.
Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. wine, but only if its cheap
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee.
The following are not Blues beverages:
a. mixed drinks
b. kosher wine
c. Snapple
d. sparkling water.
If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, its a Blues death.
Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die.
So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely in a broken down cot.
You cant have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.
Good Blues names for women: Sadie, Big Mama, Bessie, Fat River Dumpling.
Good Blues names for men: Joe, Willie, Little Willie, Big Willie.
Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, and Rainbow cant sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
Make yer own Blues name (starter kit):
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
Example: Blind Lemon Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.
I dont care how tragic your life, if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it, any way you can: fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or a shotgun. Maybe your big woman just done sit on it. It dont matter how, you best destroy it.
Hey there, you can read! This too be a big ol problem! Most folks singin the Blues aint never had much of a chance for education. In the Blues the three Rs stand for Railroads, Runnin, and Rehab
