Your story mirrors mine. My daughter did the same thing. I'm disappointed, too because she has perfect pitch and can play anything-- if she wants to. My strategy is to sit around and play and make it look so fun that she'll want to do it. Either that or play her bass instead of mine all the time so she gets jealous. Good luck!
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Can't figure my daughter out
- Thread starter notverygood
- Start date
My mom made me take piano lessons when I was that age.
I hated it and couldn't wait to quit.
I was being forced to play songs that I couldn't pretend to be interested in. The only time in five years of piano lessons that I actually had fun was a rag time song that I loved, because it was fun to play.
I hated it and couldn't wait to quit.
I was being forced to play songs that I couldn't pretend to be interested in. The only time in five years of piano lessons that I actually had fun was a rag time song that I loved, because it was fun to play.
Does she also complain about lessons?
My wife plays classical guitar and one of my daughters wanted to learn to play around this age too -- don't remember just how old she was, but younger than 10. Almost as soon as my wife started teaching her, she started to hate it too. I think there is something about doing it with parents that is just too much pressure for some kids, no matter how nice you are about it. The good news is that I got her a cheap Cort electric guitar off craigslist for her birthday last fall (she's now 13) and she's been taking lessons and she seems to love it (still doesn't practice as much as I'd like, though).
So my suggestions here, for whatever they're worth --
1) outside teacher. Let her emotions and frustrations with the instrument be tied up with someone else and not muddled up with all the other complicated emotions girls have with their parents.
2) of course, be supportive and let her know you're always happy to play with her, but only if she feels like it.
3) gentle reminders to practice, but don't worry too much if she doesn't. Steve Howe got his first guitar at 12. He thought it was the coolest thing in the world, but didn't actually set out to learn how to play it till he was 14.
4) let her play songs she likes.
5) Kids have a fantasy that they're going to be brilliant rock stars the moment they strap the axe on. It can be hard to accept that you suck and have a long road to being great. I think it can only help for her to hear you play, especially if you're NOT brilliant.
My wife plays classical guitar and one of my daughters wanted to learn to play around this age too -- don't remember just how old she was, but younger than 10. Almost as soon as my wife started teaching her, she started to hate it too. I think there is something about doing it with parents that is just too much pressure for some kids, no matter how nice you are about it. The good news is that I got her a cheap Cort electric guitar off craigslist for her birthday last fall (she's now 13) and she's been taking lessons and she seems to love it (still doesn't practice as much as I'd like, though).
So my suggestions here, for whatever they're worth --
1) outside teacher. Let her emotions and frustrations with the instrument be tied up with someone else and not muddled up with all the other complicated emotions girls have with their parents.
2) of course, be supportive and let her know you're always happy to play with her, but only if she feels like it.
3) gentle reminders to practice, but don't worry too much if she doesn't. Steve Howe got his first guitar at 12. He thought it was the coolest thing in the world, but didn't actually set out to learn how to play it till he was 14.
4) let her play songs she likes.
5) Kids have a fantasy that they're going to be brilliant rock stars the moment they strap the axe on. It can be hard to accept that you suck and have a long road to being great. I think it can only help for her to hear you play, especially if you're NOT brilliant.
I'd just keep it low key-seven is awful young. The youngest student I've had was 8 and it didn't last long. I'd probably put zero pressure here, just leave the bass around. If she seems interested in a little bit, I'd maybe find some simple songs to play with her (as in a couple of notes that sound good in a simple Rock/Children's song). It should be fun at 7.
On the other hand, if you'd like her to grow up to be a Doctor, Lawyer, or Engineer I'd give her piano lessons and force her to practice. Considering my childhood peer group it's guaranteed....
LOL. Engineer here. Piano lessons starting at age 6.
I quickly switched to a different instrument, but continued with music lessons through high school.I don't think music turns kids into geniuses, but most bright kids are probably bored in school, and music gives them an outlet for unlimited growth at their own pace.
The "push" is a delicate balancing act, because kids will push back. I think it helps to have a household where learning is just part of life. I told my kids up-front that playing music would involve work, and sometimes frustration, but that's how we achieve things of lasting value.
If you start them young enough, they will be clueless about what is "cool." I also think it helps to turn off the TV, computer, video games, etc. Those things can easily show your kids artificial lives of instant gratification that are far cooler and more exciting than any traditional learning activity. The teen rock stars on TV are never shown engaging in actual work to improve their abilities.
My parents forced music school on both my sister and me. We were talented, but hated every single bit of it, and they kept forcing us. After 6 years we told them that we will not leave the house to go to music class, so we dropped out. Fast forward 3-4 years, I took up bass and she took piano/vocals, all for pleasure, and now enjoy what we do, and progress while doing so.
My $0.02: do not force her into something she should do with enjoyment. Instead, make her interested. Play music around the house, enjoy yourself, smile, I don't know. She might see how happy you are and gain interest in sharing the joy with you. I'm guessing here, depends on her personality. I'm not a parent.
Exactly what I experienced.
My sister started violin when she was five through the Suzuki program, now she's eleven and wants to play drums and bass too. Guess what she enjoys playing more? The two she wasn't pressured to practice everyday for the last 6 years. If you want your daughter to enjoy it, you can't press it at all, if you want her to learn quickly, you'll have to be strict.
I'll also have a cousin who's seven now who was asking for a guitar for a while so she could be like Hannah Montana and other disney types, when I was in Ohio to visit, she wanted me to teach her something. Once I got the guitar tuned up and showed her a few things, she got bored and went away. I think the structure and precision got to her, every time I showed her how to hold the guitar she would let if fall back flat on her lap, and she'd try fretting the strings from the wrong side of the neck. And the corrections bored her. Just remember 7 year old girls are silly and impulsive, and don't really want to have to learn something in a structured way.
Best advice I can give if you want her to learn is find the most fun and relaxed way possible to do so.
Just realized, I started piano when I was 6 and took lessons through 6th grade. I guess what, I never liked practicing. I liked playing, just not the songs I was supposed to play. Now I wish I stuck with it and progressed because now I have to work hard to get myself used to playing with two hands in different rhythms again.
I'll also have a cousin who's seven now who was asking for a guitar for a while so she could be like Hannah Montana and other disney types, when I was in Ohio to visit, she wanted me to teach her something. Once I got the guitar tuned up and showed her a few things, she got bored and went away. I think the structure and precision got to her, every time I showed her how to hold the guitar she would let if fall back flat on her lap, and she'd try fretting the strings from the wrong side of the neck. And the corrections bored her. Just remember 7 year old girls are silly and impulsive, and don't really want to have to learn something in a structured way.
Best advice I can give if you want her to learn is find the most fun and relaxed way possible to do so.
Just realized, I started piano when I was 6 and took lessons through 6th grade. I guess what, I never liked practicing. I liked playing, just not the songs I was supposed to play. Now I wish I stuck with it and progressed because now I have to work hard to get myself used to playing with two hands in different rhythms again.
I don't think it's possible to generalize about how kids will respond to music lessons. My kids have both taken to their instruments with enthusiasm. Still, if they are having fun doing something else, and it's time to practice, they have to be coaxed. If you let kids do only those things that they are interested in at any given moment, they will turn into blobs.
Personally, I don't care if my kids eventually switch instruments. I played a succession of different instruments as a kid. When I got the itch to play bass as a teenager, I had already been playing cello since 4th grade. I bought a bass during the summer, and worked through my cello music. By the fall, I was playing in the high school jazz band as the only freshman.
I think that small kids learn in different ways than when they get older, and they deserve a chance to learn music during that time when they can learn so quickly.
Personally, I don't care if my kids eventually switch instruments. I played a succession of different instruments as a kid. When I got the itch to play bass as a teenager, I had already been playing cello since 4th grade. I bought a bass during the summer, and worked through my cello music. By the fall, I was playing in the high school jazz band as the only freshman.
I think that small kids learn in different ways than when they get older, and they deserve a chance to learn music during that time when they can learn so quickly.
Have you played her guitar? Is it easy to play, or is fretting difficult? I know that's a big factor in why many beginners quit.
I started with guitar lessons at age 7... took them for 2 years. then at age 14 took up the bass (fingers were bigger).
Anyway, I'd keep playing the bass yourself, if you're enjoying it. Your daughter will get back into it if she wants.
Anyway, I'd keep playing the bass yourself, if you're enjoying it. Your daughter will get back into it if she wants.
OMG this is SO TRUE. I dubbed it "Lizzie Maguire Syndrome" when it hit my daughter. She couldn't figure out why Lizzie would decide one day to be a rock guitarist and would suddenly just BE ONE, but it wouldn't work that way for her. She still has that crazy-cool 3/4 scale heart-shaped Daisy Rock guitar. Maybe someday I'll get it back from her and play it myself!
My son's been an interesting case. He decided he wanted to try drums at age 9, so I took him to the best drummer I knew for a test lesson. Turns out he's got that hand-foot independence thing in his genes or whatever, because he was playing a couple of basic rock beats within an hour. I was excited and bought him a VERY nice kit for Christmas. Within six months he'd hung it up. At one point when he was 13 or 14 he tried to sell the kit but got no takers. Then, at 15 he took it up again of his own accord, and started studying John Bonham's parts and learning them note for note (mostly by ear, some with transcriptions). He's now 16 and in a band that plays gigs at his high school and at parties. He's also taught himself to play guitar, and is decent at that too... although drumming remains his true love. So he's a lot like me... although I took piano when I was very young, all of the instruments I play now (guitar, bass, mandolin, dobro) I taught myself.
Moral of the story: give 'em encouragement and time to figure it out, and hope they don't end up as adults like so many of our friends who watch us play and go, "Man, I wish I'd learned an instrument when I was young!"
As stated previously, don't force her to play....make it fun and encourage her everytime she picks it up. Challenge her a bit, "Hey, I wonder if you could play that song" (from whatever show is on Disney Channel at the time). Maybe she'll take the cue. Maybe not....Whatev....
However, the best service you could do for her on her next whim is to set the ground rules.
If she wants to do something (soccer, dance, gymnastics, etc....), make sure if she starts it, she finishes it (end of term, season, series of lessons, etc.).
It will give you cred (she'll know she can't back out). It will also reinforce the excercise of accountability, which, IMHO, is sorely missing in alot of young adults today.
just sayin.............
However, the best service you could do for her on her next whim is to set the ground rules.
If she wants to do something (soccer, dance, gymnastics, etc....), make sure if she starts it, she finishes it (end of term, season, series of lessons, etc.).
It will give you cred (she'll know she can't back out). It will also reinforce the excercise of accountability, which, IMHO, is sorely missing in alot of young adults today.
just sayin.............
Never force a kid into playing music, If they don't like it pushing it on them will only cause them to resent both the instrument and you.
