I had a group of guys that wouldn't listen to my pleas as a BL. I brought in a well-respected musician who critiqued us. He was a university professor and well known around town. That helped. And then later, after we shed the weaker players, he joined the band!
We also do this round robin/360 thing in my jazz band (like on That 70's show, but without the drugs). Each one of us takes turns "leading" the band. We all play an agreed upon chord progression, and then one person starts improvising (except the drummer, but he can lead in the background, which is cool). We listen to their dynamics and get loud and soft as they do, support longer rhythmic passages with our own playing, and trying to create tension and release. When they are done, they nod their head, or point to the next person, passing leadership to the next person.
That seemed to help. Our drummer got the hang of it, after many many years of not really doing much in that department, apparently.
You can create tension with
a) volume
b) repititive rhythms
c) increased speed of notes
d) increasingly higher playing (in terms of sound frequency)
Get the band to listen for those things, and even signal when you are doing one of them during the 360 until they start recognize your leadership in the notes themselves...