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Developing good rhythm

I'm trying to work on my rhythm alot here lately. I've been playing for about 7-8 months and I've eluded this for along time,I know that this is a mistake now so I've got to focus on getting better rhythm so I can "play in the pocket".So I don't really know where to start.I play with a guitarist up at church all the time and the stuff we do is really easy,but I want to be able to have that rhythm section to let others fall back on it(I hope that makes sense).So I've only played with a drummer once or twice so I don't even know how to play with one.When should I be hitting the notes, when he's hitting the snare drum and bass drum? But when there isn't a drummer to play with,should I just kind of feel the music and try to be as rythmic as I can? And last but not least,I've got a metronome but I don't have any idea how to use it to develop better rythym, so what should I do with it? And I also have this weird tendecy of bending the strings every now and then when I'm making chord changes,is there anyway to break that habbit or is that just something that goes away after alot of practice?

Lol,sorry for the long post,but this is something that I definatley need to work on to progress as a better bass player.
 
Playing behind the beat is paramount. That makes no sense if you don't know what I'm talking about, I know.

Find yourself a drummer. You'll learn more from playing with a live drummer than you ever will reading text on the internet.

Keep at it. That's the key.
 
as everyone said Metronome is really needed. Also get one of those drum beginner books, they have some good rhythms in them. First get the rhythm in the book down(with a Metronome). Then apply that rhythm to a scale or come up with a good set of notes you can play with the rhythm. Next as everyone said find a kick ass drummer and jam with him. If you cant find one, drum machine as some one said. If you cant find one of those, pretend your metronome is a drummer hit the snare every beat? maybe ha never tried that. The best thing is real drummer.

For your string bending problem, that is just a habit you have to break. The best way I find to break a habit is to first play slow to make sure I'm not doing the habit. Then after that you just take it a little faster; if you start to do it again as you start playing faster, slow down and start again. This worked for me their are probable other ways but I don't know them :D good luck
 
One thing that I like to do is get some sort of time-keeping device that you can program, like a drum machine. Set it so that it plays a regular beat, but then goes silent for a random bar or two. For example:

|boom-bap-boom-bap|boom-bap-boom-bap| silence | silence | boom-bap-boom-bap|boom-bap-boom-bap|boom-bap-boom-bap| silence | etc.

When it comes back in, is your timing still on? If not, keep working on it. This will help you to rely on the drummer less, and better feel the time internally. You can make this even more challenging by letting the drum machine drop out for, say, 10 bars and see if your timing is still on once the beat comes back in.
 
The best thing to help this is get a wind-up alarm clock (yep, the old tic-toc-tic-toc) and put it in your bedroom. You sub conciouse mind will take in perfect time while you sleep. Onc you know in your internal clock knows what it is, you will be able to speed it up, slow it down but you will still have the sense of perfect subdivision. Try this, it has worked for many of my students.
 
Understand the difference between practicing to a metronome and playing with a good drummer. Metronomes are devices that keep perfect time and by playing to one you will improve your ability to keep time accurately. This will do little to help you play "in the groove". Drum hits and bass notes are not usually played exactly on beat but are offset by a tiny amount from metronome time and this provides the music with a characteristic flavor. A shuffle beat, for example will have the snare hit come just a fraction of a second late each time and any bass notes that play off that will have to take that into account. Latin music is a whole can of worms in this regard, but you can gain a LOT of understanding of groove by listening to it and getting comfortable with the feel for the rhythm.


Listen to the groove in this recording of Mica Paris and David Gilmour's version of I Put a Spell on You and hear where the kick and snare hits are and how the bass notes fit in with the rhythm. It's a 6 beat with the kick on the 1 and snare on the 4 and you can really hear the bass grooving here.


 
I would use a drum machine or something like band in a box. Start slow and get it right, then bring up the tempo slowly. I found both to be a tremendous help. Playing in time makes or breaks any player of any instrument.
One thing to remember is that drummers are human (a lower form of course...LOL) so you will have to adapt to human time. Good luck and have fun!
 
Understand the difference between practicing to a metronome and playing with a good drummer. Metronomes are devices that keep perfect time and by playing to one you will improve your ability to keep time accurately. This will do little to help you play "in the groove".

The Carol Kaye approach (maybe others) is interesting for dealing with this problem. Set the metronome half time so the click becomes beats 2 and 4. Most rock and jazz music has the drummer hitting the snare on beats 2 and 4, so the exercise becomes how to play to a perfect drummer (grooving) vs. how to play perfect time. This concept helped me a lot.
 
Play with the best drummer you can find and play a lot. You’ve only been playing for a few months so you should get it after a while.
Play drums, I did that for a couple of years. I never used a metronome, but never had to since I was lucky enough to almost always play with a drummer. When one wasn’t available I would play drums. I even played in bands without drummers, just bass and guitars and they sounded real good. Play guitar, play keyboards. My point is really just keep on playing bass. Try drums, play some guitar and sing. It will all help! If you still don’t rhythm after a few years worry about it then. Not now, just play as much as you can!
 
Step 1-BREATHE! It helps one to relax.
step 2- Continue breathing even when the drummer ( or anyone else) is soloing.
Step 3- Continue to breathe even in the case of your girl/boyfriend or perhaps your teacher being in the audience.
All else will fall into place if you listen to what's going on and keep alert.