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Divorce semantics

brothernewt

brothernewt

Some people call me the stormtrooper of love...
Apr 13, 2004
1,634
28
Gladstone, OR
#1
My wife moved out 16 months ago. A divorce was filed 15 months ago. We went to court 4 months ago, and the Judge ordered the divorce (unsure of correct phrasing). Her lawyer wrote the settlement up incorrectly, and it’s been sent back to them for correction along with a recording of the litigation. For unknown reasons, they’re sitting on it, and it’s not been signed. They haven’t answered my lawyer in weeks.

My question is in regard to new relationships, am I divorced?
 
#5
The question, in Norwegian law, would be what "ordered the divorce" means. Assuming "ordered the divorce" means "has made a positive statement regarding the legality of the breakup", you'd be divorced. This also assumes a 12 month formalised separation. Over here, divorce and settlement are separate. You can claim your right to settlement when you're separated or divorced by law, meaning the actual divorce can happen before the settlement.
 
#7
I was looking for thoughts on the interpersonal aspects rather than legal, or of course I would have asked the lawyer. And yes, her lawyer wrote it up with assets awarded to me as though they were awarded to her (my truck for instance). The judge hasn't "stamped" that, it's what is being corrected (or just sat on, whatever).
 
#11
I feel I'm divorced I guess... I've sooo moved on and am over it. But then I feel like I never really understood "marriage" to begin with, other than the legallities. At least not the way other people seem to view it. So I have a little trouble grasping what divorce means in that respect to other people... which is why I'm asking a bunch of people online that I don't know. :)
 
#12
You sound divorced to me. Unless you yourself feel the need for the error in the paperwork to be corrected and signed off on before proceeding with a relationship.

I think a lot of people would see it this way. Though there are those who are very legalistic and want everything signed and legal before getting involved. So, I guess it would also depend on the point of view of the other person in the relationship.
 
#13
IMHO, yes, you are divorced for relationship purposes. Your ex-wife has moved out, you have both agreed the marriage is over, and you have negotiated a settlement. You aren't considering getting back together (right?)

If I was in your situation and someone asked "Are you married?" I would probably say "I'm finalizing a divorce right now", but it wouldn't feel dishonest to me to say "I'm divorced" or even "I'm single" when first meeting someone. You can explain the details later when you have more time.

My $.02
 
#14
I moved out in Sept 09, filed for divorce in June 10. Divorce still isn't over, but I have considered myself single and dating since April 10. Just be honest and say that the divorce is still being finalized but as far as you're concerned your marriage is ancient history. Most women will understand.
 
#17
RosieB said:
Does it usually take that long to get divorced? (please say no, please say no, ...)
Click to expand...

Yes. In most States in the US (all of them AFAIK), you are required to be "separated" for 12 months before the divorce can be "finalized." You are not divorced until the judge stamps and signs the order. The trial typically lasts a few hours of court time (if you have assets, and can't come to an amicable agreement), but those hours may (generally will) be spread out over the course of weeks, even months. All of my divorces have taken about 16 months from the time my wife leaves me until everything is finalized.
 
#18
I'm in Ohio. Lawyer didn't mention the separation part, but he's really not giving me much info on how this all actually works. I was going to go in and sign the paperwork and pay him this week, but I have no money with which to move and I don't think I can live here another year after I actually get this started. How do people make this happen?!!!

My first one was mutual, we owned absolutely nothing, and we did the dissolution ourselves but had to hire a lawyer at the end to file for us because I filed 3 days after the law changed and some of our paperwork was no longer valid. So I have no idea how this all works for real. Didn't expect that it would take so long.

I feel like I should sign this "Trapped, in Ohio". Or perhaps "Thread Derailer, in Ohio". Sorry about that. Your time-line was a surprise and got me worried. Justifiably, I see.
 
#20
tekdiver500ft said:
Yes. In most States in the US (all of them AFAIK), you are required to be "separated" for 12 months before the divorce can be "finalized." You are not divorced until the judge stamps and signs the order. The trial typically lasts a few hours of court time (if you have assets, and can't come to an amicable agreement), but those hours may (generally will) be spread out over the course of weeks, even months. All of my divorces have taken about 16 months from the time my wife leaves me until everything is finalized.
Click to expand...

In Florida, I do not think this is the case. My wife moved out September of 2010 and my divorce was finalized in May 2011. Definitely no 12 month waiting period and no legal separation in Florida.
 

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