Thanks for your reply.
Yes, as you say it is all about trusting in that the sound guy will get your sound out there, however recently on 3 occasions people in the audience have said they can't hear the bass, and 1 guy went directly to the sound guy and told him.
I hear what you are saying about turning up my backline amp and possibly messing things up, but at least turning my amp (should) get my bass out there. Yes he may have to take the bass completely out of FOH but we don't play very big places so my on stage sound I'm sure would suffice.
We all use IEM's so I'm always going to hear my bass personally, but it defeats the object if no one in the audience can hear!
IMHO trust but verify. However, verify is not the same as taking the word of a few random audience members. Some audience members may think the bass is too soft, and some may think it is too loud as well. You can't make everyone happy.
The balance of a mix is entirely subjective. If you had everyone in your band create their idea of a perfect mix, most likely each mix would sound a bit different. My point is there may be no problem with the way your current audio tech mixes other than some people like more bass.
The other issue is there may be a reason why the audio tech runs the bass a bit low in that venue. IMHO the priority in a mix is generally vocals and melodic elements of the song. The bass is important, but it's not a top priority. In the event the bass is masking the melody and vocals, often the only things the audio tech can do is start pulling the bass out of the system or turn the rest of the mix up. If the bass player has his/her amp cranked too high, the only option for the audio tech is to make everything else louder, and often that is not desirable.
There are times when a loud mix is acceptable and even desirable, but I think most bands probably play louder than the both the audience and patron actually want.
In the event everyone in the band agrees the mix is lacking, have a conversation with the audio tech. There may be a valid reason or the audio tech may simply have a different artistic vision of what the band should sound like. If it's the latter, find a new audio tech who shares your artistic vision.
My Experience:
I rarely took subs on tours because I could not mix loud enough for them to be beneficial. At the level I typically ran shows, putting the bass in the subs almost always made the sound worse. So no need for subs.
Most of my mixing time was running sound for concert bands and big bands.
Our audiences were mostly middle-aged or older, and they were not shy about complaining that the mix was too loud. They did not always wait till the end of the show.
At the end of sound check, I usually cranked the system up to make sure I had plenty of gain before feedback. What I found was that I could get a much tighter and more focused bass sound by running the system (with subs) about 6-10dB louder than I normally ran it.
In our case, it was not always the bass amp causing problems. We also ran the bass through the monitors, and the musicians wanted so much bass that it was problematic. I brought this to the attention of the group leaders, who almost always chose to prioritize the musicians needs. It wasn't really all that much of a problem, as people are used to hearing crappy bass live, but I wasn't real happy about it.
I guess I must have been doing something right as audience members regularly thanked me after the show and specifically expressed appreciation that I kept the volume at a reasonable level.