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Does what I'm looking for exist?

Otherwise, I've found that using a pick right near the bridge while using the neck pup can sound sort of like a grand piano.

Joe

(edit) Hey - I wonder how one of those Boss Acoustic guitar simulators would sound on a bass. Maybe like a piano?
 
My advice is to get a (additional) decent playing bass. Doesnt have to be expensive (mainly bcuz u wont be using the pickups anyway) but should @ least play to your likeing. Buy a set of piccalo strings and a roland bass/midi converter. The piccalo strings track much better than standard guage bass strings with little or no delay at all. With that and a decent sounding sound module the rest is history!¡!¡ Hope this helps