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Drummer Jokes

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by perfdavid, Apr 11, 2006.


  1. My drummer in my band is a good friend of mine and I always have a new drummer joke for practice. W epractice twice a week, so I am running low. So far this is what I have used and am looking for a new arsenal. So, keep em' coming.

    What is the difference between a mutual fund and a drummer?
    A mutual fund eventually matures and makes money.

    How do you know your stage is level?
    Drool comes out both sides of the drummer's mouth.

    What did the drummer get on his SATs?
    Drool

    I need more.
     
  2. Q: What do you call a guy that hangs out with a bunch of musicians?
    A: Drummer.

    Q: How can you tell when a drummer is at your front door?
    A: The knocking speeds up and slows down.

    Q: How can you tell when a singer is at your front door?
    A: They are always late and they keep trying to come in with the wrong key.

    Q: How can you tell when a lead guitarist is at your front door?
    A: All the porch lights have to be on them before they will come in.

    Q: How can you tell when a bass player is at your front door?
    A: No way! Was there someone at the door?
     
  3. Q: What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
    A: Gifted.

    Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a large pizza?
    A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.

    Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
    A: You have to plug one in before it sucks.

    Q: Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
    A: So they can park in the handicapped spot.

    Q: How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
    A: You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it

    Q: What do you call a drummer who breaks up with his girlfriend?
    A: Homeless.
     
  4. what's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?....You only have to punch the music into the machine once.
     
  5. FriscoBassAce

    FriscoBassAce

    Dec 29, 2004
    Frisco, Texas
    Independent Manufacturers Representative
    How do you find a drummer for your band?

    Leave a pizza and a six-pack on your front porch!
     
  6. (told elsewhere in other threads)

    did you hear about the drummer that was so distraught over dragging the beat that he threw himself behind a train?
     
  7. How many drummers does it take to screw-in a lightbulb?

    10. 1 to hold the bulb, 9 to drink until the rooms spins.
     
  8. some of these are repeats, but I just found it in my "files". Sorry for the long post.

    Q: How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
    A: You can tell it's coming, but you can’t do anything about it.

    Two cowboys were waiting in their fort for the Indians to attack. They listened to the distant pounding war drums. One cowboy muttered to the other, "I don't like the sound of them drums." Just then, a distant voice came over the hill, "It's not our usual drummer!"

    Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
    A: "The Defendant"

    Q: What did the drummer get on his IQ Test?
    A: Saliva.

    Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
    A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

    Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
    A: You have to plug one in before it sucks.

    Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a large pizza?
    A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.

    Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a jet plane?
    A: About three decibels

    Q: How do you get a drummer to stop biting his nails?
    A: Make him wear shoes.

    "Hey buddy, how late does the band play?" "Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer!"

    Q: What does it mean when a drummer is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
    A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

    Q: How can you tell when a drummer is well hung?
    A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

    Q: What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
    A: Drummer.

    Q: Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in his car?
    A: It took him two hours to get the drummer out!

    Q: How do you get a drummer out of a tree?
    A: Cut the rope.

    THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER FROM THE PERCUSSIONIST'S PERSPECTIVE

    Oh, say can you BOOM, CRASH
    By the dawn's early BOOM, CRASH
    What so proudly we BOOM, CRASH
    At the twilight's last gleaming?
    Whose broad stripes and bright BOOM, CRASH
    Through the perilous BOOM, CRASH
    O'er the ramparts we BOOM, CRASH
    Were so gallantly streaming? 3 &
    1...2...3...
    2...2...3...
    3...2...3...
    4...2...3...
    5...2...3...
    6...2...3...
    7...2...3...
    8...2...Oh,
    BOOM BOOM BOOM
    BOOM BOOM BOOM
    BOOM BOOM BOOM
    BOOM BOOOOOMMMM; BOOM
    BOOM BOOM BOOM
    BOOM BOOOOOMMMM; BOOM
    BOOM BOOM BOOM
    BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

    Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: One, but he'll break 5 of them before he figures out you can't just push them in.

    Q: Why are band intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
    A: So you don't have to retrain the drummer.

    Q: What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
    A: Gifted.

    Q: Why do bands need Roadies?
    A: To translate what the drummer says.

    Q: What does a drummer use for contraception?
    A: His personality!

    Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: Just one, so long as a roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.

    Two drummers walk into a bar....
    which is funny because you would have figured the second one would have seen the first guy do it.



    A guy walks into a shop.

    "You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose
    tremulo?"

    "You're a drummer, aren't you?"

    "Duh, yeah. How'd you know?"

    "This is a travel agency."



    Q: If a dollar bill was laying in the center of the room, and the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time were standing in the corners, who would get the money?
    A: The drummer with bad time since the other three don't exist.

    Q: Did you hear about the drummer that finished high school?
    A: Me either.

    Q #1:How can you make a drummer slow down?
    A: Put a sheet of music in front of him.
    Q #2: How can you make a drummer stop?
    A: Put notes on it!

    Johnny says to his mom: "I want to be a drummer when I grow up!"
    Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both.

    Q: How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
    A: The knocking speeds up.

    Q: How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
    A: He doesn't know when to come in.

    Q: What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
    A: Homeless.

    Q: Why do drummers have 1/2 ounce more brains than horses?
    A: So they don't disgrace themselves during the parade.

    Q: What's the difference between a drummer and Dr. Scholl's foot pads?
    A: Dr. Scholl's foot pads buck up the feet.

    Q: How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
    A: Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.

    Q: How many drummers does it take to wallpaper a room?
    A: Three, if you slice them thin enough!

    Q: What do you call a kid with a set of drums?
    A: The poster child for Birth Control.

    Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a savings bond
    A: One will mature and make money

    Q: What would you call the smartest drummer in the world?
    A: Mildly retarded.

    Q: What do you you call 10 drummers sitting in circle?
    A: A dope ring.

    Q: How do you get a drummer off your porch?
    A: Pay for the pizza.

    Q: What's the difference between a drum line playing together and shoes in the dryer?
    A: Nothing.

    There's a bar with a bunch of drummers in it and they are all yelling "51 days!, 51 days!" and more and more keep coming in, they are all ordering drinks and yelling "51 days!, 51 days!" the bartender has a puzzled look on his face as more come into the bar and order more and more drinks and chant. Finally, the bartender asks one of the drummers why they are all celebrating and chanting "51 days, 51 days!" the drummer answers with, "well, we all just finished a puzzle in 51 days and the box said
    2 to 4 years!"
     
  9. A drummer walks into a music shop, goes up to the guy behind the desk, and says:

    "I'm a drummer but I fancy something new. Have you got any of those accordion things?"

    The guy points to the back wall, covered in accordions, and the drummer walks over.

    Ten minutes later the drummer comes back and says:

    "I really like the look of the big white one at the bottom, but I can't get it off the wall."

    The guy behind the counter smiles and says:

    "That's a radiator."
     
  10. sotua

    sotua

    Sep 20, 2004
    SF Bay Area
    Shouldn't that be "ORDER a pizza and a six-pack, free drummer delivered to your door"?

    :p :bag:
     
  11. plexibass

    plexibass

    Jun 30, 2005
    these are great.
     
  12. Wespe

    Wespe

    Feb 21, 2006
    How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    1 to screw in the light bulb. 4 to stand around and talk about how much better Neil Peart could do it.
     

  13. i thought the other four drank until the room spins:confused:
     
  14. BassChuck

    BassChuck Supporting Member

    Nov 15, 2005
    Cincinnati
    How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?








    2- They'll screw anywhere.
     
  15. Guys, these are great!

    I especially like the relevant musician ones.

    These will keep me busting on him for a while.

    Thanks!!!
     
  16. funk_dat_jazz

    funk_dat_jazz

    Mar 10, 2006
    did you here abot the drummer who became a police-man
    he was demoted after arresting a man for letting the tyres down on the train
     

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