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Feeling so weird about new bandmates

#21
is there anything you can do to make it more fun for you? try breaking out of your old playing habits and learn something new that you might be able to apply in this band so you have something refreshing to look forward to as you drive to rehearsals?

I would try hard to not let your GF make up your mind for you. If you let her do that, then you should just make her your personal manager and let her find your next gig for you.
 
#22
Music is meant to make you feel good. If you don't like it and it's not what puts food on the table move on. That being said being in a band that gigs and does shows will give valuable experience and make you more desirable to other bands. I've stayed in a couple bands I didn't care for and it usually paid off in the end as far as leading me to a bands I enjoyed.
 
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#23
I have money gigs and I have fun gigs. The money gigs are what they are, sometimes they are fun and sometimes they suck, but they all pay. The fun gigs are for me, sometimes they pay well and sometimes they pay not so well. I learned to separate these two things long ago. Plus as you get older, you will find that this business is far too much work to not have fun doing it. So, either learn how to have fun making money or give up the money part and just have fun!!!!!
 
#24
it always depends on where you're at musically - if you depend on music for funds or intend to anytime in the future, being busy is where its at

then it is a job and keeping out there is by far the best way to find opportunities - in which case you suck it up - trust me it sounds like reasonable situation - weigh the alternatives

I've been in horrible band scenes on the road where there is no way out within reason - THAT sucks
 
#27
Depends what you want, I guess. Some folks are trying to make a living. Others just want to perform. Still others are looking for a way to be creative and express oneself.

I gave up music when I was in my 30s. But I found I needed a creative outlet. I started doing photography. Loved it. And then people started paying me money to take pictures. Big mistake. Within a few years I hated it. It became a business and I hated it. So I quit, sold my stuff and bought music gear. By this time I was in my 40s.

I want to have easy drive, easy load, high "fun factor" gigs--which mostly means playing the outdoor patio scene in my town during the warmer months. We'll do a more artsy show in the city on occasion. And now and then we'll get an offer to open for a bigger act in an even bigger city.

But I also want to have that creative outlet. And boy do I get it. We write and record our own music. (New album is almost done!)

We make no money. Well, like beer money. Enough to get everyone hotel rooms if we're gigging out of town. And to pay for CDs or professional mastering. But basically nothing goes into anyone's pocket. And I like it that way.

Music: my perfect creative outlet because it can never be spoiled by becoming a job. No one is ever going to throw lots of money at a trip-hop band from West Bend, Wisconsin. :)
 
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#28
I hate when my girl hates my band members! Its like she can't stand me having fun with music sometimes.
Dont get me wrong I love her to death and she supports all my freelance work its just when I'm committed to a group that she bugs out
 
#29
This is exactly how I feel with my current group, and there's one primary reason: The drummer stinks. VERY nice guy - trying really hard, but he's old and tired and cannot keep a beat. He slows down constantly, misses breaks and just is a bummer to play with.
 
#30
I'm kind of in the opposite situation right now. I like the people in the band, but don't like most of the music. The way I look at it, it's giving me something to do and I'm not playing "Sweet Home Alabama," so things could be worse. Every group you play with is an opportunity to refine your chops, whether it's the ideal situation or not.
 
#31
I thought I was reading something I would have written. I felt this way for a while with my current band; we play many more gigs than I ever have, in much better places and make way more money than ever before. Yet, I wasn't feeling it. I was very connected to my previous band of nine years. It took a while, but I now feel better about them. I don't think I will ever feel the connection I enjoyed with my previous band, but that's true of so many things.
 
#33
lbbc said:
You know....Anthony Wellington said it best at a clinic my son and attended..."in order for me to play, two of three following things must be met....it has to be the right people, the right music and/or the right pay. But two of the three must be met in order for me to play". Fun comes with following this example, IMHO.
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I agree if you are not making a living then music should be fun. For me the "hang" and music if they are good are key. Money is last for me. I also need a band that is progressing and gigging at a decent enough level to make it worth my time.
 
#35
willbassyeah said:
So recently i joined a new band through a local forum,

I gig more with this band than any of my previous bands and even manage to book a new years eve countdown party.

We are writing songs now and trying to audition for a yearly band festival which i believe that we are able to get.

BUT... i just dont feel that happiness when playing compared to my previous bands. i just feel unmotivated whenever we go for a jamming session. everyone in the band are nice folks but i just dont feel it at all with this band.

its like dating your dream girl and found out she is not the one for you.

sorry just trying to rant here... lol talking to girlfriend on this kinda sucks coz she hate my singer and i will get a biased opinion on the band
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In my single days I was seeing a good looking fun blonde and logically everything was there but that spark. I met my wife not long after. Not slamming the blonde in the least but I am way better off. I have the best wife ever...

follow what your head and heart say in life and your band. If it's all money then keep the gig but working just for money stinks.
 
#36
It's nice to make money, but that's not the most important thing.

It's nice to be great friends with your bandmates, but that's not the most important thing.

It's nice to play with people that are way better than you, and that is the most important thing, whenever you can find it. Be easy to get along with, be positive, and practice hard, because decent bass players are a special commodity. Use that advantage. Everything else nice will usually follow.

It's nice to get along with a girlfriend that doesn't gripe when you can find one, if that's not happening, find another one.
 
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#37
Ok, got a slightly different take that I'd like to hear an opinion on! I've been playing with a band for a few months now and love the music and really enjoy hanging out with the guys in the band. I wrote some of the bass parts for the album they released (but didn't record them) and have helped them find gigs recently. At this point I would really like to become an official member of the band but I seem stuck as simply the 'live bassist' at the moment. Anyone ever had this problem before?... Also should probably mention there's no money in it at the moment...
 
#38
It seems to me that there are fewer and fewer people playing music. There is alot out there to grab a younger person's attention rather than playing an instrument; more so than when i was growing up. I live in a fairly big metropolitan area, and it seems like there are far fewer bands than there were ten years ago. The opportunities to play with people seems to be drying up.

I played in a country band for a bit; i didn't like it, but missed it when i left, because i didn't have a band to join with immediately. I did learn some things though, and i wonder what other country lessons i missed. Fortunately, i was picked up fairly quickly, but unless these folks are far below your level of skill where you can't even consider it practicing, you should stick with it. If it doesn't fit musically now, maybe try for a period of time to alter the way you are playing to make it fit. Ideally, that'll be a growth process. On the other hand, if they just flat out suck, it may be time to move on.
 
#39
Lobster11 said:
Well, there you have it. For some people, being in a successful band is far more important than "feeling the happiness"; for others, that happiness is what matters most. Of course, everyone would prefer to have both, but often it comes down to one or the other. Hard to say much more than that without a better understanding of what exactly it is that you're not happy about.
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lol i have no idea what i am not happy about that is why i do the "dream girl" reference, i just dont feel that excitement of going for a gig/practice that i used to have.
 
#40
I did two gigs with my brother-in-law's band last night, their regular guy was sick and I filled in. We were in a road band together for about 3 years along with his sister (which is how he became my brother in law). I've also played with the guitarist a bunch at various places around town. And I just had a blast. They're not any better than the other 3 or 4 bands I play with regularly (I live in a music/tourist city, so I'm able to make a living playing 10-12 gigs a week downtown), but it's just more fun playing with people you have a connection with.
 

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